Did your husband change right after you got married?

candygurl15

I'm going on here to ask this because I'm too embarassed to mention this to any of my friends or family.  My husband and I have been married for only a few months.  We had been together 5 years before we got married and living together for 4 of those so our relationship wasn't by any means new.  Anyway, immediately after our wedding (I'm talking like on the honeymoon) my husband suddenly became a jerk.  He was never like this before.  He constantly reprimands me for every little error I make or something he doesn't like that I do.  He has never laid a hand on me but he constantly talks to me like I'm a misbehaving child.  I have told him that it bothers me and he is being incredibly disrecpectful.  He denies that he's doing anything wrong.

Anyway, my point to this is: did anyone's husband drastically change just after the wedding?  Is this something normal?  Is he just going through some sort of bachelorhood mourning process/marriage adjustment period?  Honestly, if I had any indication that our marraige would be like this, I would have called the wedding off.  This is why I chose to live with him so long... to see if we'd get along being under the same roof!

bride8622

@candygurl15 My DH is not like this but my best friend Angie went through something JUST like this. They dated for about 4 years and lived together for 2 years but after the wedding he became different. It was like he felt that now she his wife he wanted her to obey and behave a certain way. It progressed until he would basically treat her like a child.

Suffice it to say my bff is no longer married to this man...

And honestly if he is not listening to you and doesn't acknowledge his behavior you will have increasingly worse issues. 

ChristyDM82

I'm sorry you are experiencing this. No my husband did not do this. I don't think it's normal. He should be treating you as his equal, not a child. I would suggest counseling. If he's not willing, you will need to think long and hard about what you want for your future and if he is going to be part of it.  Good luck to you.

princess pop

I was married to my first husband for 6 months. We had lived together for 3 years. About 2 months after the wedding he completely changed! He would stay out with friends constantly, berate me for things he used to love about me, he became petty...I guess he had a post-wedding emotional crisis or something. I became a crying, insecure mess under the treatment, which didn't help things. Anyway, divorcing him was the best thing that could have happened.

I'm really sorry that you are suffering through this now, too, when you are supposed to be happy newlyweds. DM me if you wanna talk.

MLE2010

No my H did not. If he had I would have gotten the marriage annulled. This will only get worse.

Disneygeek77

Sorry, but my husband didn't act like this either.  I would try counseling but if that doesn't work then you have some soul searching to do. 

erollis

No my husband did not change for the worse. He stayed the same after we got married. Then I got sick and has become even better.

Counseling if you want to save your marriage. If counseling doesn't work leave. He isn't worth it no matter how many years you've been together.

vpine

I agree with this: "Counseling if you want to save your marriage. If counseling doesn't work leave. He isn't worth it no matter how many years you've been together."

moonprincessd

Some men are stuck in the cave man days and believe the wife should "obey" her husband. I suggest seeing a counselor if he's not listening to you. 

My husband did not change at all.

lisa2008boo

No this isn't normal behavior I would look into marriage counseling. You are saying this bothers you but he isn't getting it or isn't listening. A professional to mediate would be a good thing to look into. You need to get this under control now before it gets any worse. Don't loose hope this can be fixed don't be ashamed to get help. I would just tell your husband het I have asked you to stop this and it is still continuing I would like to seek counseling would you be willing to go with me? I feel this is very important for our marriage and would be a good investment for us.

tiffanysbride

vpine said:

I agree with this: "Counseling if you want to save your marriage. If counseling doesn't work leave. He isn't worth it no matter how many years you've been together."

I think this is your only option. Ignoring it will not help and if the first 4 years of your relationship were not like this then it's worth exploring. Has anything else changed? Work? Death?

Kimbus22

No, that's not normal or expected behavior.

When you say he's denying doing anything wrong, what do you mean exactly?  Does he deny telling you how to behave is wrong or is he treating it more like he's kidding and you're taking it too seriously and blowing it out of proportion?  If it's that he thinks his behavior is fine, I wouldn't have much hope.  If he thinks you're overreacting to his comments, then I can see working through it.

Either way, I'd get into therapy asap to decide if you want to save it or move on before you get further sucked in.

TarponMonoxide

No. No normal at all.

No adult anywhere has the permission to treat another person like they're a nobody or a common skivvy.

Kindly let him know that if he doiesn't cut it out, you will cut him loose. I'm serious: lose him. YOu did not get married to be spoken to like you do not matter.

If he doesn't cut it out as per immediately, get this marriage annulled.

chrisnjay05212010

Not normal at all. I agree with the others that therapy might be a good option if you are both willing to go.

What really concerns me is when you try to talk to him about it he is brushing you off.  I would make a decision soon about therapy/relationship so that you aren't dragging this out and getting sucked into his crap. You don't deserve it.

GilliC

Another vote for counseling.  This doesn't sound like something you're going to be able to fix on your own, since you're having trouble getting him to understand/accept that you're hurt by his behavior.

Leftie22

Nope, our relationship didn't change, just carried on like normal. Same annoyances, but same good times too. You need t oh age a serious talk with him, and tell him you think he's changed since the wedding. Ask him what's up. If you can't get an answer or he claims he hasn't changed, let him know how unhappy you are, that you want counselling, or you're getting out. Sorry he's treating you like this.

kss20

Seek help now and remember that you are perfect to the people who love you and should never be put down by the person you've given your heart to.  Be brave and take care of yourself.