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Sister-in-law from hell..
So I'm going to try and keep this as brief as possible. My sister-in-law and I have had a very difficult relationship from the begining. At the begining she didnt like me and made it very known. Things got a little but better over the years, but we still have our occasional fights. The most recent one is bad. She was talking to my husbands ex girlfriend...and thats not the problem...the problem is she lied about it and was downright rude when I confronted her about it. She called me every name in the book and insulted my looks. She also was very rude to my husband, her brother.
On top of this she and her "fiance" are planning a very fast wedding...she just told everyone she was getting married a week ago and its planned for this Friday. During the fight she said she didnt want us as the witnesses and she doesnt even want us there. Well this has created quite the conflict with the family. I have no problem not going, however I feel bad for my husband who refuses to go unless she apologizes. If she apologizes to me I dont even know if I would go.
Just wanted to get thoughts on what I should do. Do I ignore the hurtful things she said to me and go to the wedding for my husband? Or do I ignore what the family is saying and my husband and I not go? My MIL says its something we will regret but she understands and supports our decision.
Any suggestions are helpful 
Re: Sister-in-law from hell..
Ok, lets go back to the beginning. When she was rude to you when you first started dating, what was your husband's reaction ?
Why did you feel you had to confront her because she was talking to his ex-girlfriend ?
That said, it doesn't excuse her behavior in response. You both sound like you handled the issue childishly.
It's her wedding. Respect her wishes and don't attend. Furthermore, respect your husband's wishes. Unless you want to apologize for your part in this and try to make things right.
Going forward let your husband handle issues with his family.
Disneygeek77- When we first started dating my husband stood up for me and told her that she cant talk like that to me. He always has my back. The reason I confronted her is because she used to talk so much crap about this girl and now shes saying she loves her. It was just wierd so I asked her about it in a nice way and then she went off.
Spikeinc- Thank you!
Jemma- The reason I confronted her is because she used to talk so much crap about this girl and now shes saying she loves her. It was just wierd so I asked her about it in a nice way and then she went off.
You're right she can have a relationship with whoever she wants...I just confronted her on the fact of why she was telling me one thing and then doing another
Oh, I see so it was more of a "Hmmm, I thought you didn't like her ?"" not a "" How dare you talk to his ex-girlfriend kind of thing.""
Did you confront her publicly or privately? Could be that she simply changed her mind about the girl. Either way, you probably should have just not said anything and shrugged it off.
If you were to apologize to her, I would apologize for that especially if this was done in front of other people. Say you shouldn't have said anything because truthfully, it isn't any of your business. I know there are people I didn't like at first, but as we got older, I found that I liked them more. It happens.
Now that is no excuse for her reaction. She never should have insulted you like that.
As far as the wedding goes, you have to respect her wishes. You are not invited no matter what your MIL says.
In the future, expect this kind of treatment from her. This is who she is so set your expectation accordingly and if you both decide you don't want to be around her, that is ok.
No it was in private.
But none the less, thank you for your input
That being said - for as much as your DH may have had your back, in the end, it's clear that she doesn't like you and probably nevre will. Moving forward, I'd just keep my distance. be cordial and polite, but I wouldn't go out of my way to be friendly or to try and have a relationship with her.
You say she wanted a rise out of you? Even if it was an innocent "I thought you used to hate her" - clearly this was enough of a rise that she was looking for, and she used it to go off on you.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Jemma is right. If you thought she was doing it just to get a rise out of you, then why did you play her dumb game? You should have just laughed it off.
She sounds like a drama queen. The best way to handle drama queens is to ignore them and no don't go to her stupid wedding. That will make it worse considering she said she doesn't want you there. Trust me, she will always hold it over your head how you ruined her wedding by showing up.
Eastcoastbride- Yes, this is still her stance. But she is going around telling people that we said we werent going. Thank you for the inpu. Its obvious well never have the relationship I was hoping for.
Disneygeek & Gemma- Yes, I was wrong for letting it get a rise out of me. However there also has been multiple things that I have let "slide". So, when is enough enough?
Thank you though!
I suppose when she insults you outright. I also wouldn't yell back, I would get up and leave.
I don't know, it just seems that the choosing the ex-girlfriend was an odd battle to pick.
Don't play into her drama..
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
You have to do your best to work within parameters or else you're likely to blow up at every little snide comment or instigation. For your own sanity, and the health of your marriage, figure out what's really important, what's really worth the fight.
If and when the time comes to discuss something with her, try to handle yourself with some refinement and civility. Easier said than done, I know. But you will be the bad guy if you fly off the handle.
Good luck, hope things simmer down and you can move on soon.
And yeah, confronting her about anything just seems pointless. Let her talk shit and go about your life. It'll catch up to her someday.
Tell her you'll go to her next wedding, no worries.
lol
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
Kimbus- Thank you!
TofuMonkey- I love it! haha
Thank you everybody for the input!
She texted me this morning with a very generic sorry...
So I'm not sure where to go from there. I may just suck it up and go to the wedding to make my husband/MIL/GIL happy...after that I will be keeping my distance.
Does anyone think this would be a mistake?
Well I never responded to the text..yet. But no she didnt extend the invite.
I want to go for my husband. We shall see, Im not sure yet
Update- So she texted me an apology (how fake). Anyways then she said she wanted us there. I'm torn, of course my in laws want us to go. My husband wants to go to avoid drama but then again says if I dont go, he wont.
My mother is telling me not to go because this isnt the 1st time shes done things and then "apologized" and I forgave her. She thinks I should stand my ground and not go because it would hurt her.
I'm sick of his Grandma and his mom putting the blame on us since we now are still saying we wont go.
I need an unbiased opinion and QUICK since this stupid wedding is Friday.
ugh!
Hmmm. I would go and give her one more chance. If she insults you, you both get up and leave.
I would also keep her at a distance from now on.
However, I wouldn't blame you for not going either. At a certain point she has to learn she can't treat people this way.
This is terrible advice. Don't go tit for tat on hurting someone. Not only is it infantile, you will just dig the hole deeper. At some point you need to ask yourself - what's the better option? Constantly engaging in the bullshit and getting pissed off? Or disengaging and eliminating the drama?
I would go. She invited you, your husband wants you to go, the family wants you to go. Put on your big girl panties and go and put a big shit-eating grin on your face! But from this point forward, keep her at arm's length. I wouldn't plan on seeing her or speaking with her outside of important events like this wedding.
Good luck and try to have fun!