QOTD 8/20

minionlover

Now that we all have been married for 10ish months, what marital advice would you give to someone who is getting married soon?

goatlady12

I'm going to be a bridesmaid on Saturday, and I have a ton of advice for brides.  Particularly about being organized, and keeping everyone informed on the little things!!  That's an entirely different story and I might make a separate discussion..

I guess for actual marriage, is to just enjoy it!  It's been so nice since the wedding.  We bought our house before we got married, so we've had no big life milestones since the wedding.  We haven't fought at all and have been having a ton of fun.  We are calling this our "year of fun," and it totally has been.  I'm really happy we didn't rush into TTC, waiting has been the best decision we've made!!

 

brainybrunette

I guess my advice would be: Don't sweat the small stuff! That applies for both wedding planning and for marriage in general.

I think DH and I are still working on this one...we both have type A personalities, so if something doesn't go perfectly as planned, we tend to freak out and make things into bigger issues than they really are.

I also second Seipel's comment about not having kids right away. I know that TTC in the first year of marriage has worked out great for a lot of ladies on this board, but I know that, at least for DH and I, we really need a few years to build a solid foundation of our marriage before we add kids into the mix. 

mrshall1027

I agree with not getting too caught up in the smaller things.  Most of the time, the little arguments back and forth are over you just wanting to be right and the topic really isn't important.

I would say the time frame for having children is really dependent on the couple.  If they have been together for 5+ years already, why wait?  If you are getting married two months after meeting, I'd advise waiting a bit.  It also has a lot to do with other circumstances, but I think the length of the relationship has the most to do with it.

I'd also add the importance of good and open communication and honesty.  Read books, take courses, go to counseling, do whatever you need to do to keep your feelings and thoughts open and honest between each other.

Oh, and I'd also say to make sure to stay best friends.  My husband is the only person I share everything with and feel that I can count on for everything.

snuff9861

Funny story: I went to a bachelorette party this weekend and one of the things we had to bring was a card with advice for the Bride.

Mine was "Couples that stay married have the same levels and types of fights as those who get divorced. The difference is how they handle them. Communication is key. Commit to each other and to being honest"

ramstein1027

I would say not to feel guilty about just hunkering down and spending time being newlyweds.  Life, work, friends, family---they can pull us in crazy directions at times.  We have spent many a weekend since our wedding just cuddled on the couch watching movies together.  Life will get busy when we become homeowners, have children, and advance in our careers, so I have thoroughly enjoyed our lazy, "boring" times with nothing to do but be goofballs together.  I'm kind of rambling, but my point is to slow down and enjoy the little things.  

mpjf1001

ystaalenburg said:

I would say the time frame for having children is really dependent on the couple.  If they have been together for 5+ years already, why wait?  If you are getting married two months after meeting, I'd advise waiting a bit.  It also has a lot to do with other circumstances, but I think the length of the relationship has the most to do with it.

This, H and I were together for 7 years prior to getting married and lived together for 2. I feel its dependent up on the couple as well.
As far as advice I would say communication is def key, H and I make a good point to discuss everything and with the baby here, def let the little things go. Someone once told me if the only bad thing about my husband is that he is late all the time, its really not that bad!

xxjen015

Communicate!! Make sure you guys are on the same page. If you can't communicate, I think everything falls apart.

brainybrunette

ystaalenburg said:

I would say the time frame for having children is really dependent on the couple.  If they have been together for 5+ years already, why wait?  If you are getting married two months after meeting, I'd advise waiting a bit.  It also has a lot to do with other circumstances, but I think the length of the relationship has the most to do with it.

I guess what I meant to say is don't let anyone (family, friends, etc) pressure you into having kids right away if that's not what's right for you. DH and I have been together for 14 years, and lived together for 4 years before we got married. We have a million reasons to wait to have kids. For us, being married is a lot different than dating/just living together. We're still working on how to deal with merging our finances, how to deal with different family situations, I'm still finishing my Ph.D., we're moving to a new area soon and starting new jobs, our list goes on. Given our situation, having kids now would be a disaster on so many levels.

The whole, "when are you having kids" questions started the day after we got married and haven't stopped since. I'm getting so tired of saying NOT YET! So, that's what I meant in my advice...try to ignore those comments and do what's right for you.

mana8503

Communicate!! Make sure you guys are on the same page. If you can't communicate, I think everything falls apart.

I couldn't agree more!  You will never stop working on communication! 

I would also say - keep "dating" your H.  Do date nights, even if it's just walking at the park, getting a redbox movie and subway... something simple.  That time together is priceless and harder to come by if/when kids come. 

minionlover

Communicate, communicate, communicate.  The rule in my marriage is that both of us needs to be open and honest with each other, except when it comes to Christmas presents.  If something is bothering you, you need to talk to your spouse about it.  You can't just let it fester or complain to someone else about it.

Also one person in the marriage can't do everything.  It's not going to be 50/50 but there needs to be balanced.

 

 

goatlady12

ystaalenburg said:

I would say the time frame for having children is really dependent on the couple.  If they have been together for 5+ years already, why wait?  If you are getting married two months after meeting, I'd advise waiting a bit.  It also has a lot to do with other circumstances, but I think the length of the relationship has the most to do with it.

I guess what I meant to say is don't let anyone (family, friends, etc) pressure you into having kids right away if that's not what's right for you. DH and I have been together for 14 years, and lived together for 4 years before we got married. We have a million reasons to wait to have kids. For us, being married is a lot different than dating/just living together. We're still working on how to deal with merging our finances, how to deal with different family situations, I'm still finishing my Ph.D., we're moving to a new area soon and starting new jobs, our list goes on. Given our situation, having kids now would be a disaster on so many levels.

The whole, "when are you having kids" questions started the day after we got married and haven't stopped since. I'm getting so tired of saying NOT YET! So, that's what I meant in my advice...try to ignore those comments and do what's right for you.

 

 

 

^^^This