Would it be wrong?

lifeonthehill

H and I have been married for only a month. We have been together for four years. We live at a private school and live on campus in the dorms for free.  When he got a raise and new job for this year we decided to pay of his student loans as fast as possible and try to start a family around Christmas 2014. A month in and he dislikes his office job and wishes he was teaching again. We have quite a bit of mold in our apartment which maintenance has chosen to ignore for a month now. They have given him an incredibly difficult dorm duty schedule which is messing with his ability to do his office job. On top of all of this he will be traveling 6 weeks this year. Needless to say he is stressed. 

He wants to look for a job elsewhere even if they are willing to get him back into teaching for next year because he is so stressed right now. I am sitting idly by while he tears through this stressful schedule for the last month and keep the house clean and try and make everything else easier for him. But when he talks about leaving here and wanting more in savings before we do I know we are setting ourselves back six months on loans to save. Not to mention moving and set up costs to wherever he can get a new job. I am heartbroken. I want to start a family. If we can get out from under these loans we will be more than financially ready. 

He took off to this school while we were living together without even talking about it after his interview. He came home with a job offer and started packing. We got engaged shortly after and had to be married over this summer for them to allow me to live with him this year. I left an amazing paying job and my family behind to come here in May and now he is already talking about leaving again. He is fine with not trying to have a family another year if it means getting away from here. I love it here and want to stay and raise our family here. 

If he can get into teaching next year am I wrong to ask him to stay another year for me? To give it another shot and hope things will be better next year? 

SapphireCounselor

Wow...this is a tough situation. To answer your question, no isn't wrong or unfair to let him know how you feel. Nor is he necessarily wrong for what he is thinking and feeling either. You both just have different opinions, and somehow need to meet in the middle to make a decision. I hope I am right in saying that it seems you both have a great deal of respect for one another. As long as you remember this as you discuss the issue you will be fine. Have you communicated to him how important starting a family is to you? All the reasons you don't want to leave? Obviously this would be a great place to start the conversation if you haven't already. The great thing about your post is that its written in a way that lets us know you understand why he is frustrated and you empathize with him. Let him know this too, if he doesn't already.

moonprincessd

I agree with Saphire. Communicate your feelings. Tell him why you love it here and then hear him out, see why he doesn't. 

On the other hand, I think you shouldn't start a family until your both ready and financially ready. Enjoy your time together as a couple and then start having kids. You know he wants to have a family, so your on the same page, you just aren't on the same time stream. Patience is a virtue and in the end your kids will benefit from you waiting. 

Also you left a job, do you currently have one now? I ask because if you aren't working, then getting job might help with the financial issues and your husband's stress.

lifeonthehill

Thank you both for responding. I haven't expressed any feelings on the matter beyond pointing out that it messes with our time frame to pay off loans and start a family. H knows how important kids are to me but we haven't discussed it since all of this came up a month ago.
I don't want to talk about it right now because I know how stressed he really is. I am hoping to catch him at a less stressful time he will have late September to talk it through and ride out the storm until then. I just needed a little reassurance that I should even bring it up.
My job is here at the school as well but is working in the school bookstore and snack shack and doesn't start till September 3rd. I am dreading this job and hate going from making 420 dollars a week to around 200 but this is where he wanted to live and work and I saw no other choice but to follow him and I am so happy I am here now. I just hope he comes around when we do finally talk. Or we can find another arrangement.
Thank you so much again ladies for your help. I hope this formats okay I am mobile.

arhayden1

I don't think putting off the talk is a great idea in this case. 1. When he talks about what he wants to do he hears you saying how you don't like it messing with the time line but that is only part of the issues. I also think that sitting down and talking it over is good for both of you. Make a couple different time line and go though some what if senerios. I think having a more solid plan will help his stress level and help you to see that maybe putting things back won't be that bad. Me and my H had to do this and it really helped me to see that a short delay in the original plan would work out and probably for the better

lifeonthehill

As far as the timeline thing he has only heard me say once since this started. Since then I have been the doting wife and said nothing and let him vent and talk about what he needs to talk about and be 100 percent supportive. Unfortunately pushing back a baby and paying off his student loans is just as hard to swallow as being uprooted from a place I just started being able to call home and personally leaving another job.

I want to talk to him now but he has been so stressed I feel like rather than help him deal with current stress it is going to stress him even more knowing what this is doing to me emotionally.

Maybe rather then wait till I know it will be easier in September I will just feel him out and try and find a right moment sooner.  

Thank you for the advice. I am so thankful to have a place to come talk things out. Thank you ladies!