A tipsy/drunkish confession

Panderp

I guess I am not understanding the state dictating the rules of the private agency? And did they tell you at the seminar the minimum requirement for openess? Have you thought of using a national agency instead of one in your state?

thecuddleeffect

I hate that you are going through this and having to make these decisions. I hope you and DH can find peace in whatever happens. Thinking about you xoxo

ILoveRedVino

Panderp said:

I guess I am not understanding the state dictating the rules of the private agency? And did they tell you at the seminar the minimum requirement for openess? Have you thought of using a national agency instead of one in your state?

Thought about it, yes- looked into it, no. I obviously have more research to do. I'm trying to begin the process of gathering information now, but also trying to take the TTC thing one day at a time. I go back and forth.

From what I understood, the private agencies still had to abide by state laws. No?

Panderp

Well, I guess I am confused- your state actually has a law that requires biological parents be able to visit the children? Or it requires a form of open adoption (meaning not closed- bc open means a lot of things)? You said encourages, which doesnt seem to make it a law? Yes, private agencies have to follow state laws, but I'm confused about encouraging vs law and what the MINIMUM level of open is for your agency/state. My husband isnt comfortable with visitation at all, and we're still doing an open adoption.

ILoveRedVino

Panderp said:

Well, I guess I am confused- your state actually has a law that requires biological parents be able to visit the children? Or it requires a form of open adoption (meaning not closed- bc open means a lot of things)? You said encourages, which doesnt seem to make it a law? Yes, private agencies have to follow state laws, but I'm confused about encouraging vs law and what the MINIMUM level of open is for your agency/state. My husband isnt comfortable with visitation at all, and we're still doing an open adoption.

From what we were told, 90 percent of adoptions are open, and state law says that "open" means that bio parents can see the children up to 3 times a year. Closed adoption is different, but only about 10 percent, so wait lists are much longer. This is what we were told in the adoption seminar.

I am now finding conflicting info, though, so I have more learning to do.

Panderp

I think you should talk to someone outside of a seminar, more one on one. What they presented to you is seemingly semi-alarmist and discouraging. In our state, we have the same stats for open and closed. Closed is rare because it effectively shuts off contact completely. When we heard open, we were thinking visitation, talking, etc. We can exchange through the agency and that is open. We can agree to not visits and that's open. The idea with adoption is that you match with a birth parent set that is comfy with your wants. I hope you find someone to explain things in more detail and maybe offer more clarification.

Flamingo86

I'm sorry. I get overwhelmed with all the adoption info too sometimes. Panderp has given you some good advice. ((Hugs)).