Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Just don't think I do it for her anymore.
My wife and I have been together for about 7 years now. In the beginning of our relationship (and by that about the first 4-5 years) our sex was amazing and both of us were insatiable towards each other. I have never been the type of man to be shy about what I want in the bedroom and ALWAYS make sure that I am taking care of her needs. We have had our issues like all other couples but always manage to work through them. The one issue that she can not get over is the fact that i USED to defend my ex-wife when it came to issues about my son. I say used to because it did take me way too long to figure out that my ex was just "playing" me for the first 5 years me and my wife were together. This by no means had an effect on our sex life back then but now it is, I have asked my wife on numerous occasions why we don't have sex more frequently like we used to. Her response has been everything from "people change" to " I just can't get over you defending her instead of me." Mind you that when I did defend my ex that we would have some of the best sex I have EVER had. I know its silly and immature but even after 7 years I still LUST after my wife and fantasize about her daily. I used to feel like those feelings were reciprocated but over the last two years she just doesn't seem like she even wants to have sex with me let alone think about it, I have never been backwards or shy when it comes to women but I DO NO KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT THIS....... I have asked her about fantasies that she may have and being dominated always seems to come up, we have experimented with BDSM and she has always enjoyed these sessions (but only every once in awhile). She is reading these 50 shades books like they are the bible but still has no rise in her drive. I asked her about this and she just tells me that they are just good books and arent what I think they are. But to that I say shenanigans bc I have read a few excerpts from the series and though they are no Marquis De Sade style books they are still racy enough to get your blood flowing. Is there anyone that can give me any advice as to what I can try to do? I would REALLY appreciate it. I worship the ground My wife walks on and just want a piece of how things used to be but coming to realize that probably isn't going to happen....... I should add that we do have sex but its not the kind of sex to where I feel like I used to. You know when you can just feel how much someone wants you? Well I know that she gets what she needs out of sex and I'm also pretty sure that she still enjoys sex with me. I don't ever feel that I am not enough for her or that I'm not doing something right. I just feel that she could either take it or leave it at this point and we are WAY TOO YOUNG for this to be an issue already. I don't know if these issues that came up in the past are ever going to be forgiven or if she even wants to forgive me for them, We talk about this issue probably once every two weeks and she always says she will work on it but I have heard this for the last two years and never see any signs of trying to work on it,
Re: Just don't think I do it for her anymore.
First you say you still lust after your exwife and fantasize about her daily ---- and then you say you are crazy about your wife and you "worship the ground she walks on". This is a whole other issue than the one that is at hand. And it is not a good situation. "you can't serve 2 masters."
And if you've ever compared your ex to her in yoru wife's presence or even talked about your sex life with your former wife, man, you can bet you know why she's pretty pissed at you. I sure wouldn't want that. Why should she?
Anything could be going on here.
You need to sit down and have a talk with the wife.
OUtside of the bedroom, natch.
Make sure it is to the point and explicit --- you did not marry her to wind up with a wife that jost "does it" and does it for the act of it.
It might very well be that this relationship has run its course. Again, you'lll have to have a talk with her --- and have you ever tried something different in the bedroom, "on your own" -- did you never maneuver her into another position or try something new on a whim? Maybe that would work.
OKay. I don't know how I misread that.
A talk with the wife. Warranted as soon as you can. She owes it to you to ensure your happiness.
She is to do that exactly, the same as you are to do the same for her.
Don't take my suggestion of *another* talk lightly: she needs to get the message once and for all that she is to treat you like a somebody.
And if she still won't follow through, maybe you should consider your future doing something else with somebody else. The new word for this kind of thing is a "disconnect" ---no matter what they call it, inattentiveness shouldn't be a problem.
I recommend that looking at your lives together, is there something you can do to help her out? Give her a few minutes just for her, and show her it is not all about sex for you wither. It may help out. I have had the same issues with the 'ex-wife' and while that is part of the problem, I just feel that he doesn't care about my needs outside of the bedroom.