Sex & Romance
alecia_kasher
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
He wants it way more than me
My DH and I have been together for 8 years, married for 3. I love him very much and am very attracted to him, but sometimes I feel like sex is a chore. I get frustrated because I feel like he asks for some sort of sex (oral or regular) every single day. Don't get me wrong. I do enjoy sex, it just takes a little more for me to get in the mood and I would prefer to do it more like every 3 days or so, not every single day. A big part of the issue is that my DH waits to approach me until its 10 or 11 at night and I'm exhausted and just want to go to bed. Then he gets butt hurt that I turned him down, yet again. For a while we were having sex in the morning and that was fine and dandy with me. Lately, I feel like my DH constantly asks me for a BJ. Him constantly asking me makes me not want to do it. It just completely turns me off. I happened to be in the mood the other night and surprised him with a BJ, but now he just keeps asking for more every day! I'm sorry, but giving BJs all the time is not appealing to me. Sure, I'll do it every once in a while if it's that time of the month as a special treat for him, but really, who wants to give a BJ every day?? Not me. He says that he thinks we should be having sex or he should be getting a BJ at least every other day, which is way more than I'd like to be doing. I don't know why my sex drive is low, I just don't feel like doing it very much anymore and him constantly coming on to me for sex or BJ is just turning me off. What is wrong with me?!
Re: He wants it way more than me
Maybe you've more or less tolerated it up until now and now it's starting to bother you.
At any rate: you need to have a discussion with him --- as I always say, Communcation Is Key.
Do it outside the bedroom; pick a day when you and he have lots of time to talk.
He needs to approach you for sex when it is more or less your leisure -- 11pm on a worknight? most people are asleep at that time anyways! He also shouldn't be hounding you for any type of sexual favor. It will also turn you off from doing whatever it is he is requesting.
You need to have a talk with him. You may also not be in much of a mood because of his demands for sex.
NOTHING is wrong with you. He needs to back down, back off and let nature take its course -- no requests, no bugging you, none of this jumping on you at 11pm nightly stuff.
He shouldn't have a problem with this at all, once you air your concerns. He may think all of this is FINE with you, since you are not protesting or speaking up to say you arent' crazy about it.
And if he DOES have a problem with your concerns, he's got a problem -- I strongly suggest counseling for him. You are not a wind up toy and you're not a sex machine. gl.
There's nothing wrong with you! I have a few things:
1. Is he reciprocating? You go down on him, he should do the same for you. That might make you want it much much more.
2. Are you on any meds (the pill/anti depressants/etc)? These can decrease your desire and you can talk to a doctor about what you can do about it.
3. Him telling you how many times he expects oral would be a major turn off to anyone and he should cut that out. Do you tell him how many love letters you expect from him every week? I bet you don't get any, do ya?
4. Make foreplay a priority. And I'm not talking you giving him oral. I mean him kissing you, stroking your skin, things that make you REALLY WANT IT.
5. Have you told him that night time really just isn't good for you? Perhaps if you start jumping HIM when you get home from work or in the morning, that would do the trick. You get to do it when you want to and he'll probably love your proactive aggressive "attacks."
Put a positive spin on it: "Honey, we used to be so hot with how we went about having sex with each other" --- and here is where you describe how things used to be, before all this blow-me-daily and 11pm nightly stuff began --- and then say "i'd love it if we could be that way again" and let him pick up the ball.