HELP! My future FI was layed off yesterday!!!!!

pmontgomery87

Out of nowhere! He worked for a small bank and they basically called him into the office and let him go for nothing. I am an assistant branch manager for a large corporate bank, and it sounds to me like they let him go because they could not afford to pay his salary anymore, but they just made up nonsense reasons why. My question is...what now? I am trying to be as supportive as I can be...he is very upset though and I am afraid he is going to get depressed. He is an excellent worker and always gave 100% in everything, so I know he is feeling vulnerable and bad about himself right now. Has anyone else  been through this recently? Any advice would be greatly appreciated....

TarponMonoxide

pmontgomery87 said:

Out of nowhere! He worked for a small bank and they basically called him into the office and let him go for nothing. I am an assistant branch manager for a large corporate bank, and it sounds to me like they let him go because they could not afford to pay his salary anymore, but they just made up nonsense reasons why. My question is...what now? I am trying to be as supportive as I can be...he is very upset though and I am afraid he is going to get depressed. He is an excellent worker and always gave 100% in everything, so I know he is feeling vulnerable and bad about himself right now. Has anyone else  been through this recently? Any advice would be greatly appreciated....

This stinks.

And "at will employment" --- terminating an employee for no reason at all --- needs to be revoked and banned in this country.

There is no more job security left. Very sad -- I have seen this many times in many companies. It's happened to my relatives, my friends, my neighbors and to me.

Was he laid off --- due to financial hardship in the company or the fact there is no work?

Or was he simply terminated?

There is a difference. He will need the specific reason why he was let go when he applies for unemployment benefits.

They will contact his boss after your FI applies for benefits.

He may also have been terminated wrongfully and that's a whole other situation.

What is impor5ant here also:

That he has coworkers (not his boss) that are people who can vouch for his work. He will need them for job references.

It's best that he gives their cellphone number, and not their work number, when it comes time to give references. And best that he not give the company's address and phone number as part of the contact info.

Let the potential boss call these people on their cells. It is also quicker and easier than having the potential boss call these people at their workplace, plus the boss might get pissed off if they do.

kss20

There's nothing really to do but get your paperwork together and file for unemployment ASAP and start job hunting.  Have him start hitting up any contacts he has to get a job somewhere else and start thinking about luxuries you can cut back on.  Try not to stress out to much because now you need to be his rock.  Good luck.  Hope he finds something soon. 

TarponMonoxide

Networking is the best way to go about finding a job -- I am sure he belongs to banking groups and knows lots of people in command at other competing banks. Best he gets in touch with them and asks if they have any openings for his skill set.

pmontgomery87

Just wanted to thank everyone for their responses! I will take all of this advice! Thanks again!

Leftie22

My DH was about to fired from his job last year, and quit before they could fire him. It was super stressful, especially because I was on mat leave at the time. But don't worry too much. As long as he gets out there right away, applying and just going to network with people, he'll find something else. In the meantime, cut as many unnecessary expenses as you can. I switched to a cheaper stats to cut my hair, dyed my hair at home, no more coffee out, stuck to a stricte grocery budget, etc, etc. There are ways to make it work. My main advice would be for him to start looking right away. The longer he's out of work, the worse it looks to future employers, and also, he might get used to being home and get unmotivated. My DH took a two week break from looking for work when he left, and it was a terrible idea. He got really unmotivated and it took a huge kick in the butt to get him going again. Be as helpful as you can, and help build up his self esteem. Good luck!!

RunBooRun

I was laid off last year. It was 100% unexpected.

1. File for benefits ASAP.

2. If he has student loans, you can have them deferred. I chose not to defer because my unemployment would cover my payments and we could live off of DH's income, but you can defer if you need to.

3. He should be applying for jobs as a full time job. I was able to get into my dream job (very hard to get into business) in three months because I spent 40 hours a week applying for jobs with tailoring my resume and cover letter to each job.

4. Have him contact his Career Development Center (or equivalent) from his college if he went to school. They will do resume critiques and they know people/recruiters.

And finally for the emotional aspect:

I completely went through the stages of mourning when I lost my job. I have always been an overachiever and did everything the "right way", but still was laid off. I had a lot of depression at first, but eventually moved on to acceptance. I finally came through and realized that I was free to pursue whatever I wanted. When I was in the beginning stages, it would make me completely annoyed when people would tell me things like "the right job is out there for you". I had to get there myself. Other people I've talked to who have gone through layoffs told me they went through the same thing. Please be supportive and understanding. There's nothing worse than someone making it out to be not a big deal when you feel like your life has crashed around you.

FWIW, I'm so much happier now in my new job and shutter at the thought of my old one. I didn't realize back then how much I didn't like it.

pmontgomery87

Thanks again for all of the advice. Honestly I think the most difficult part is going to be the fact that his mother also lives with us, and she is being completely insensitive. Example- I still work full time and he told me today that he was trying to talk to her about how he was feeling and she was just staring at the television barely acknowledging him. Things like that make me want to tell her to get out of my house!!! I am being as positive as I can be and trying to contain my anger with her behavior because I know the last thing he needs is me complaining about her....does anyone want to adopt her for a bit? )

TarponMonoxide

pmontgomery87 said:

Thanks again for all of the advice. Honestly I think the most difficult part is going to be the fact that his mother also lives with us, and she is being completely insensitive. Example- I still work full time and he told me today that he was trying to talk to her about how he was feeling and she was just staring at the television barely acknowledging him. Things like that make me want to tell her to get out of my house!!! I am being as positive as I can be and trying to contain my anger with her behavior because I know the last thing he needs is me complaining about her....does anyone want to adopt her for a bit? )

I am curious:

Why is his mother living with you?

Dude, having anybody live with you and a FI/H/SO is NOT a good idea, for many reasons.

loves2shop4shoes

He's not your future FI.  He's your BF.

short+sassy

I can TOTALLY relate, unfortunately!  My DH got laid off recently...less than two months after our wedding .  It was a serious blow to morale especially since we were now ready to start bulking up the savings again.  The biggest advice I can give is to be emotionally supportive, but don't let him fall into a funk where he doesn't bother looking.

pmontgomery87

loves2shop...we have been together 7 years, he is more than a BF, we just arent in a position to have a wedding yet. Please only leave advice that helps with my situation.

pmontgomery87

Tarpon--a few years ago we moved to a different state for my job and at the same time she accepted a job where we were living, so instead of us having to try and sell the house from 5 hours away or rent it to someone else, and her having to live in an apartment, she just moved in. Well when my job moved me back, we all had the understanding that she would stay for 6 mo -1 year MAX then move out...that was 2 years ago...it wouldnt be so bad if living with her was almost unbearable...the townhome is way too small for 3 people...

loves2shop4shoes

pmontgomery87 said:

loves2shop...we have been together 7 years, he is more than a BF, we just arent in a position to have a wedding yet. Please only leave advice that helps with my situation.

Oh, ok.  You want helpful advice?  Using the words "future fiance" makes you sound like a 17 year old who got KU in High School and is now waiting for her BF to propose so she can have her PPD.

The commonly accepted terms to describe a relationship in our society are:

-Friend:  Non-sexual relationship with a non-familial person.
-Fuck buddy:  You are friends who have sex.  No commitment.
-Boyfriend/Girlfriend:  You are in an exclusive, committed, monogamous relationship.  No proposal has taken place.  You are not planning an imminent wedding.
-Fiance/Fiancee:  There has been a proposal.  The proposal has been accepted.  You are actively planning your imminent wedding.
-Husband/Wife:  There has been a legal marriage.  You formally pledged to spend your lives together.  You receive social, federal, legal, and tax acknowledgement of your relationship.

The same way you wouldn't call someone your future BF or future fuckbuddy, is the same way you don't call someone your Future FI without sounding juvenile and insecure about the status of your relationship.

I hope that was *helpful*.

pmontgomery87

Well I know the meaning of all of those terms and I did not come here for a vocabulary lesson. If the best thing you have to do all day is click on postings just to correct people because they aren't using terminology that you would use, you need a life. I came here for support and helpful advice in a very troublesome time for myself and my BOYFRIEND, and don't really need you wasting the time that I have trying to correct me because you don't like what I refer to him as.

And no it wasn't *helpful*, you sound *ridiculous*

loves2shop4shoes

pmontgomery87 said:

Well I know the meaning of all of those terms and I did not come here for a vocabulary lesson. If the best thing you have to do all day is click on postings just to correct people because they aren't using terminology that you would use, you need a life. I came here for support and helpful advice in a very troublesome time for myself and my BOYFRIEND, and don't really need you wasting the time that I have trying to correct me because you don't like what I refer to him as.

And no it wasn't *helpful*, you sound *ridiculous*

Pats your head.

Feel better now?

pmontgomery87

No, actually I do not. Because if you had read my posting instead of just replying to the subject, I am going through an actual difficult time. I am not interested in having an argument with you about terminology. As I stated before, I came here for support and advice, not to be lectured on what I should and should not call my boyfriend.