What should I think?

domogal

I started dating my husband while he still lived with his roommate. His roommate was a woman who basically took advantage of my husband..He offered her his master bedroom because she couldnt afford to live anywhere and she had a little boy..it was rent free and he was stuck on the couch and had no bedroom. I found this quite odd but I did see that he was only trying to help his friend out. He is literally the sweetest guy I know and gets walked on constantly. She basically moved out a few weeks after we started dating, didnt take anything with her at all, just never showed up after awhile. I also found this odd and after a few months I told my then bf that we should move her things out of the master bedroom so he could have a room of his own and not have all her stuff throughout his room..since she seemed to have just disappeared. I always wondered if there was something going on but he swears they were just friends. So far he has never lied to me but I just found this whole situation strange. Also saw some of their texts at this time when we first started dating, and she never failed to end a text with I love you and some even stated at how handsome he looked at certain times. I never really saw him reciprocate this behavior by the way.

Every time I would end up meeting her she would be defensive and I could always tell there was some kind of rivalry or something..She would say "We'll I know how he is...I know him..I've known him for X amount of years so I know." We had been dating for already over a year and she was still acting like she knew him better than I did. I just didn't get it and it rubbed me the wrong way. I had nothing to refute back to this but it happened quite often. 

So fast forward, we have been married 2 years, havent seen this chick since our wedding. Anyway I see a facebook message yesterday to him stating this: "Hi. I hope your doing great. Miss you. Tell [my name inserted] hi." and that's it.

Now I dont feel bad about checking his facebook, he leaves it open all the time and we end up going on each others constantly just because its on or what have you. It just made me think of all this stuff again.

I just always wondered if this chick maybe had a thing for my DH. My radar is horrible, and it doesnt matter anymore but I am just curious what other people think on this situation.

TarponMonoxide

I don't know.

Maybe he did have a thing with her or maybe he did not.

I wonder, though, about the "great guy"ness thing he did for her, letting them live there. She could have gone to a women's shelter --- cheez, was he financially supporting her, also?

If this is bothering you that much, go and talk to a counselor. The FB message in itself sounds quite innocuous.

JemmaWRX

Eh - sounds like maybe she did have a thing for him.  "Love you" and "handsome" and the competition crap.  But at this point, who cares?  It's done and over with, he married you...

The FB message sounded innocent.  Don't read too far into it.

magsugar13

I don't understand the point of this post. What is the question, problem, suspicion?

Yes, there was something going on...she didn't take advantage of him, he offered and she accepted, he was a grown man and didn't do anything he didn't want to d. He wasn't stuck on the couch as much as hed like you to think he was, again his choice.

My guess is they had sex a couple of times, she thought more of it than he did. He had no feelings for her but she did.

You've been married for 2 years and you know he lied, but are still focusing your anger at her.

So, she said hello on facebook big deal.

 

moonprincessd

Wait... so did he have a relationship with her? Did he cheat on you? 

The facebook message is completely harmless, he's probably just wondering how she's doing, I'm guessing it's been 2 years since he's seen her. It's only normal to want to know if someone is okay, especially if you were basically taking care of them. 

I think you're reading too much into it and it sounds more like you have a trust issue... might be time to see a counselor? 

Leftie22

It sounds like she had a thing for him for sure. But isn't what you really want to know if your DH had a thing for her? Whether they slept together or not, it sounds like an inappropriate relationship that thankfully ended when you came along. There's not much you or your DH can do now, it's in the past. The facebook message is innocent enough, or are you more worried about how your DH will respond to it? If you're concerned, talk to him and see what he says.

kss20

This sounds innocent to me.  Whatever happened in the past is the past.  The FB post didn't show anything shady to me.  Move on and live your happily ever after.

EastCoastBride

LOL that she's the big meanie here who took advantage of him because he's just SUCH a super nice guy.....

Anyhow.  I'd bet you that they probably did sleep together.  OR she really wanted to.  I actually doubt he was interested in her in more than an F-buddy - if she was even that.  And I would imagine him dating you upset her.  And she tried to "stake her claim" in a sense and make you jealous.

But that's all in the past.  And her message? I see nothing wrong w/ it and it might actually be a sign that she's gotten over whatever it was that was bothering her back then.  Don't read into this, don't make it an issue.