Trouble in Paradise
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Need to leave my marriage...

My marriage was over pretty much as soon as it started 6 years ago. I kept trying to make it work but I think I have always known I was fooling myself. I know that I need to get a divorce but I can't seem to do it. I'm so tired and so sad. I want a happy marriage and a true partner and kids. And I know I'll never have that if I stay. But I'm 32 and I'm scared of being alone and starting over. I know I need to just do it but I can't seem to put one foot in front of the other. I have great friends and family but I just can't seem to reach out to anyone for help or support. Maybe because then it will be real. So I'm trying to start here.

Re: Need to leave my marriage...

  • My marriage was over pretty much as soon as it started 6 years ago. I kept trying to make it work but I think I have always known I was fooling myself. I know that I need to get a divorce but I can't seem to do it. I'm so tired and so sad. I want a happy marriage and a true partner and kids. And I know I'll never have that if I stay. But I'm 32 and I'm scared of being alone and starting over. I know I need to just do it but I can't seem to put one foot in front of the other. I have great friends and family but I just can't seem to reach out to anyone for help or support. Maybe because then it will be real. So I'm trying to start here.
    Maybe you can start by seeing a counselor on your own and also seeing your clergyperson, if you are spiritual and religous.

    32 is not old, not by any long shot. YOu've got plenty of time to recover from a divorce, date and then remarry and have kids.

    The longer you tarry the more painful it will be to start the ball rolling and begin a happier life for yourself.  See if my suggestion of seeing a counselor (and the clergyperson, if applicable) will help --- you may have to go for several sessions. it hellps to bounce the circumstances of your situation off a skilled professional; you'll get valuble input and suggestions. GL.
  • please go get some professional help.


  • You don't have kids yet, you're still young, now is the time. Get your financial situation in order, start looking for apartments (or whatever your plan is) and imagine being so excited to go to bed and wake up in peace. It will be hard and scary, but at least you'll have each day to look forward to. Good luck.
  • The longer you wait, the harder it will be.
  • Try not to think of the whole process. Just think of your first step, and take it, no matter how small it is. Then look at what you need to do next. Ask your friends and family for help when you need it. And 32 is so young!! I didn't even meet my DH until I was 31, and I have lots of single friends in their 30s. Life is actually pretty long - you have another 32 years just to get you to retirement! Don't you want to be happy in those years?
  • I got divorced when I was 32 and it was the best thing I ever did.  I was unhappy and had no support from ex.  Once we separated I felt SO much better!  I didn't have anyone to answer to or any more of the BS.  I too saught counseling.  It's definitely not easy but you don't an award for staying with the same guy all your life.  You have to make YOU happy:)
  • I told a few friends, made an appt with a therapist that we actually tried marriage counseling with so she knows our history and I've started looking for an apartment. This is the farthest I've ever made it so I hope I can keep moving forward. I'm sad but I feel like its so long overdue that I'm a little excited. I'm guessing the different emotions will come and go. I'm mostly stuck now on how to tell my parents. I know they will support me no matter what I just can't imagine discussing any of it with them. Thanks for your comments. It was the push I needed.
  • well if there was a single doubt in my mind, which there wasn't... it is gone now.  now it's just filled with total betrayal and anger.  he has been having an affair with one of my "best friends".  and the worst part is the other friends in this group believe that is wasn't physical.  he has been driving to her house in the middle of the week when he was supposed to be working in another state.  her husband has her phone records and for the last 3 months they talk for hours upon hours.  and when i thought he was at a bachelor party, he was alone somewhere with her till 4am.  at this point, i am so over him i don't even care.  i just can't believe anyone, my "friends" can actually believe all they were doing was talking.  it makes me so mad that this woman, who is married with 2 kids, and was a bridesmaid in my wedding is going to get away with this.  i know i need to just move on.  i have other supportive, loving people in my life that see this situation clear as day.  i'm just so angry and hurt.

    i am staying at my parents and move into my new apartment soon.  and i am actually excited to start fresh.  but some minutes this feels absolutley impossible. 

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