Is anyone else anti-video games?

CowgirlK39

I have seen tons of posts on here over time about women struggling with men playing video games. Personally i cannot stand video games, and have had relationships in the past that have failed because of games. My husband is a casual gamer who has games, plays them here and there but suddenly is fixated on the arrival of grand theft auto 5. He blabbed yesterday that he wants to spend $300 on a new ps3 and the game. That's really not in our budget right now and we had a good talk about it. He said he misses having a way to unwind other than watch tv, and also wants to bond with his younger brothers over it (they used to play games all the time when they were kids). I know how my DH can be, and I worry that he will get wrapped up in this game instead of doing important things. I am curious as to how all you girls handle gamer SOs. Obviously my husband is a grown man and can do what he wants but I really worry about bringing such a game into our life.

buttercup1958

I love video games but thats just me. Thats how my brothers and I bond. Some of my favorite memories is going to midnight releases with my brothers and then playing the night away. Of course I may be the minority, but I don't think its that big of a deal. I doubt the video game will ruin your relationship though. If he gets into it too much, thats him not the video games fault. But if this is your biggest worry then you guys are doing awesome, so don't worry about it.

mdupon70997

SOOOOO anti-video games. Growing up my brother was a huge gamer. And now he has no people skills. I'm not saying that all people who are gamers aren't good with people, but he really doesn't have many friends. My husband, too, likes to play games on his laptop sometimes. But I get really annoyed with it because he gets really into them. He only plays once or twice a week...but he plays on his iphone too. When he's playing a game you can pour out your heart to him and he'll never hear one word you said. I have made up my mind that when we have kids they will never ever have video games. Get socialized 'Merica!

kss20

I don't like video games and I don't understand when my man wants to waste so much time playing them, but as long as it's not interfering with our relationship, his grad school grades, or things he's supposed to do around the house, I don't really care.  Again, I don't get it, but I hardly have room to judge given the amount of trashy tv I LOVE to watch.

CowgirlK39

mdupon70997 said:

SOOOOO anti-video games. Growing up my brother was a huge gamer. And now he has no people skills. I'm not saying that all people who are gamers aren't good with people, but he really doesn't have many friends. My husband, too, likes to play games on his laptop sometimes. But I get really annoyed with it because he gets really into them. He only plays once or twice a week...but he plays on his iphone too. When he's playing a game you can pour out your heart to him and he'll never hear one word you said. I have made up my mind that when we have kids they will never ever have video games. Get socialized 'Merica!

This is my youngest BIL to a T. He has zero friends because he isolates himself in his room to play games. You can't take him anywhere because he complains that he is bored because nothing's as fun as Xbox. I know my DH wouldn't get to that level but I worry about it comsuming time he should be doing things around the house or something else.

WendyGR

DH is not a gamer, but he does tend to get obsessed with his hobbies. He has trained for a half ironman, taken up shooting, built a humongous homebrew system, and that's just what I can think of off the top of my head. I think the key is to establish expectations no matter what the hobby is. We agree on how much "fun money" we get a month. We agree on how much time we expect to spend with each other. If you set and agree on boundaries before the game comes into the picture, you will avoid a lot of fights.

anssett

WendyGR said:

I think the key is to establish expectations no matter what the hobby is. We agree on how much "fun money" we get a month. We agree on how much time we expect to spend with each other. If you set and agree on boundaries before the game comes into the picture, you will avoid a lot of fights.

This. My husband likes to buy electronic toys. Some video games, some others. Before we actually budgeted that added up like crazy and I resented it. Now we have a fixed budget we agreed on together for him to spend on toys in any way he likes. I'm not resentful. He gets what he wants. Everyone wins. He's also good about making sure his play time is balanced with us time and chore time.

Trixeetrix

Cowgirl - I had this same argument with my husband!!  He really wants GT5 as well and I can just see NOTHING getting done around the house if I let him get it.  I am anti video games for the most part (although I enjoy a good trivia night on the Wii).  I feel like grown men (and women for that matter) should do more productive things with their free time.  I think moderation is the key with video games and knowing when to put it down.

GilliC

Nope. I love video games, but I'm not a fan of FPS, so I don't play much these days.

We had more issues in our relationship around how much time I spent reading or posting on the Knot/Nest.

EastCoastBride

We have a PS3 and a Wii.  DS is much more into games than I am.  But - he's VERY good about balancing his playtime.  Now that we had DS - he actually really pretty much hardly ever plays at home.  (He works on a tugboat so he'll sometimes take his PS3 there and play)

It doesn't bother me.  There have been times where hes' REALLY into a game and will suck up an entire evening playing it, but 90% of the time- he's good about putting it down when I need him or DS is awake, or... what have you.

amandamarie2

We've had a few incidents with video games since we got married. He says they help him unwind which I can understand (though I really don't see it as relaxing when he swears at the game... whatever) and in moderation I don't care if he plays. It becomes an issue when he spends the entire day on the game, especially when we've both been busy and that's our only time together. He says all I have to do is tell him to get off the game and he'll spend time with me or help around the house but since he rarely responds to my asking once I have to keep nagging him and I feel more like his mom than his wife. Hopefully now that we've both discussed our feelings on the games we won't have any more fights about it.

Kimbus22

When it was just the two of us, I just put a limit on it.  Two nights a week he could play however much he wanted and I wouldn't complain.  But the rest of the week we decided what to do together.

Now that we have a kid and I work nights, he just plays when I'm napping before work after the kid goes to bed. I don't care what he's doing when I'm asleep.

Ilumine

Now this is all anecdotal, but my DH and his Peers in the USAF (he retired as a Chief after 28 years) would do some surveys of the Airmen when they were in their ALS classes.  

It was very clear that the ones who gamed were the ones who: had a fewer number of friends, lower PT scores, did fewer trips (for those that lived in Europe), and dated FAR less.  

There were also weaker communication skills, but the breakdown of the cause - lower non-verbal communication skills or higher tech speak interference - was less clear and open to argument amongst the Instructors, Shirts and Chiefs.

They would actually USE the surveys and point the statistics out to the Airmen.  "Hey, look at the fact that you spent 64-72  weekend hours gaming and never left the base, did not go on a date (either with a GF or Spouse) and did not participate in any bulletable activity on base.  Do you want to promote or not?" 

On the other hand, those that gamed, were less likely to have the off base drinking issues because they usually stayed in their rooms/dorms and played each other over the internet.  So that was a plus, especially overseas. 

Again, listening to my DH (who actually grew up with computers and played/s games himself) and the rest, I have become very anti video-game.  It may be a great way to bond with a select group of people, but it does not open yourself up to new experiences (other than that new game) and new people.  

moonprincessd

Video games, ah, that was back in High School for me, they kind of died out on me when I went to college and discovered better things to do. 

On the other hand, my husband loves Computer Games. On a typical day, he comes home, eats dinner with me, and then goes on his computer to play computer games with his friends via Skype (he talks to them while playing) Now his friends live a whole state away and he hasn't gotten to know very many people here yet, so I think it's nice that he still keeps in touch with them like that. Plus I get my alone time to whatever I want (read, watch a movie, play with the cats, etc..) Then later at night he spends time with me. usually we just watch the news together, lol! 

Now if he wanted to invest in something that costs $300, which is unlikely for him since he's a fan of indie games, it would require a serious talk. Is it just for 1 game? How often would he use it? Etc... the most he's ever spent is $60 for games. I think one was Guild Wars 2 (which I played a little, but just couldn't get into it) And I have no problem with that. He only does it like once a year, maybe less, he hasn't mentioned any new games that interest him. The reason I don't care is because he really doesn't buy anything else! 

He uses games as a way to relax after work and spend time with friends, so all in all it doesn't bother me. I'm not anti-video gaming, but I do think there's a fine line and my husband hasn't crossed it. He still spends time with me, he'll stop playing if I need him for something or want to do something with him. If he ever puts gaming before me, then we'll have a problem.

arhayden1

I think the key is in finding a balance. My husband is a big gamer and this was actually his programmer job for a couple years. But we have a good balance worked out although I don't understand his obsession with them I'm not going to demand that he get rid of them because it is his way of unwinding. If I feel he is spending to much time on them I'll tell him and the effect it is having on our relationship. I think If you go completely anti game your going to drive a wedge between you two and your going to come off as a mother. 

SURFERxGIRL

This may be a bit rambly, so sorry in advance. I have a killer headache that is making it hard to think straight.

I think no matter what the hobby is, there should be an understanding between each person and also a mutual respect for each person's wishes. Each person should be willing to compromise but also be able to enjoy doing whatever it is. So if you can't stand whatever your SO's hobby is, maybe they just agree to only spend x amount of time on it, and x amount of money each month, while you go and do your own thing and you two can find a mutual hobby to do together the rest of the time. I think if you completely ban something that your SO loves it can easily become a festering issue where the other person feels like they have no control in the relationship (it should be a balance. If my H forbade me from doing something I probably wouldn't react well)

My H and I are both gamers, although he tends to prefer computer games and I like to hop on the xbox. When he and I were in high school we used to spend time at friend's houses and play games with his brothers, and on the Friday nights that we didn't have theatre rehearsal friends would come over to my house (maybe 4-8 people) and we'd break out the old school nintendo and have a blast. My mom was happy to allow us to spend the night playing away since it meant we weren't out partying or drinking or anything.

My mom and kid brother (along with some of my best friends from back home) also play online and since H and I recently moved across the country, playing xbox has been a fun way to stay in touch and talk to others. H will join in every once in awhile but our work schedules don't sync up all the time so he usually plays during the day while I'm working and I play at night while he is working. It doesn't really interfere with our relationship at all but neither of us are the type of people that have to play games every day and if the other person wants to go out and do something else together that's totally ok.

CowgirlK39

Thanks all for the replies. It interesting to hear all the different takes on games. My DH is by no means a serious gamer. He has a couple ps2 games that he occasionally plays. But he explained to me that when he was a kid, GTA was a game that he and his younger brothers bonded over, and he wants to be able to bond over the new one now, He was able to buy an xbox for cheap off BILs friend, and so I guess there is no going back now. He knows how I feel and assured me he will not become obsessed. I'm holding him to that.

November42

amandamarie2 said:

We've had a few incidents with video games since we got married. He says they help him unwind which I can understand (though I really don't see it as relaxing when he swears at the game... whatever) and in moderation I don't care if he plays. It becomes an issue when he spends the entire day on the game, especially when we've both been busy and that's our only time together. He says all I have to do is tell him to get off the game and he'll spend time with me or help around the house but since he rarely responds to my asking once I have to keep nagging him and I feel more like his mom than his wife. Hopefully now that we've both discussed our feelings on the games we won't have any more fights about it.

This sounds just like my husband! He doesn't do much around the house and doesn't have any other hobbies. When he gets out of work he says he needs time to himself which often involves being on a game on the computer for anything between 2 and 5 hours most evenings. I've asked him to stop countless times but he gets ratty and sighs and makes a fuss so it's hardly worth it. I'm trying to get him to go out socially with me but he won't, I often end up going out with my BIL who lives near us as we are all part of the same social circle. It's really awkward for me because everyone asks where he is and I have to make up some excuse. He's better than he was though, but only because I nag him so much!

srgw

My H love his video games. In my mind it's no different than me loving to read a book or hang out on forums like this one. It's how he decompresses after working all day. He doesn't play 24/7 or spend a ton of money on games (he only gets to use his monthly fun money on games). All in moderation, just like any other hobby.

calliewmu

^ In response to srgw, I don't think it is any different.  My husband works long hours at a stressful job and provides well for us.  I am glad he has a hobby that helps him unwind a little.  I just love spending time with him, even if he's playing video games.  I am perfectly capable of occupying myself, and I might sit on the floor and clip coupons, or sit nearby reading a book or surfing the internet, or even go in the kitchen that overlooks the living room and cook, all of which are things I do to unwind.  I also play games with him sometimes, which is a couples activity we really enjoy.  And I actually buy video games for him because it makes him happy!  We very much share our finances, but I would never tell him he can't spend money on something that would make him really happy if we had the money to spend.  Sure he could live without a new video game, but I could also live without a new dress from Anthropologie or a new pair of Steve Madden boots for the fall.  For the record, he doesn't put up a fight with me over buying those things for myself because he knows I work hard for the money too and need a little retail therapy now and again.  He even goes with me to the mall, which he hates, just to spend time with me while I do those things.  Ultimately, I think we just like to see each other happy.

SmrBrd2012

Agree with the last two posters. We all deserve to have our little bit of fun...It's different for everyone. And that's saying a lot because I HATE when H plays COD.

Leftie22

I played quite a bit as a kid, and will occasionally play now (though not since my son was born.) I'm okay with a little game time. Where I see a problem is when you can't tear yourself away from something or you aren't pulling your weight around the house. My DH used to play a lot more before we had our son, and it did get annoying. I also find a lot of the games creepy and/or too much sexual violence, which I just don't want to be around. (I remember hearing that in the first grand theft auto you could have sex with prostitutes And then kill them and get your money back. I'm not okay with finding that entertaining, even as a game.)

bunni727

Nothing wrong with videogames. They are just like any other hobby.

If you can't afford it, you can't afford it.  If your SO doesn't help out around the house because of his hobby, that's a problem with your SO, not the games.

CowgirlK39

bunni727 said:

Nothing wrong with videogames. They are just like any other hobby.

If you can't afford it, you can't afford it.  If your SO doesn't help out around the house because of his hobby, that's a problem with your SO, not the games.

Oh you are 100% right. The games to not jump up and consume someone. But i think people allow themselves to get too immersed in them instead of stopping and saying "alright that's enough, I have stuff to do now." My DH did end up going out and buying a used xbox off a friend, and he and BIL spit the cost of the game. Haven't seen DH play it more than twice in the week he has owned it but the game is disgusting. I had to leave the room because some of the things that are possible in that game make me uncomfortable.

Leftie22

CowgirlK39 said:

bunni727 said:

Nothing wrong with videogames. They are just like any other hobby.

If you can't afford it, you can't afford it.  If your SO doesn't help out around the house because of his hobby, that's a problem with your SO, not the games.

Oh you are 100% right. The games to not jump up and consume someone. But i think people allow themselves to get too immersed in them instead of stopping and saying "alright that's enough, I have stuff to do now." My DH did end up going out and buying a used xbox off a friend, and he and BIL spit the cost of the game. Haven't seen DH play it more than twice in the week he has owned it but the game is disgusting. I had to leave the room because some of the things that are possible in that game make me uncomfortable.

That's what I meant too. In my game playing days, the games were cute and fun and cartoon-like. Now they're realistic, violent and allow people to act out stuff that really makes me uncomfortable. Will I step on cartoon turtles to gain points? Yes. But acting out realistic scenes of killing people, having sex with prostitutes, etc is not my idea of fun.

LeahMI

I wouldn't call my hubby a "gamer", but he does like to play video games a lot. He's really good about it though. If I ask him to do something, he immediately pauses the game and does whatever I asked. He never buys a game without talking to me first, and even now is going through his old games so we can sell them. I'm grateful for that.

It bugs me a little sometimes because I just can't get into games so he'll be playing and I'll be bored. Sometimes if he doesn't have to work, he'll spend most of the day playing and forget to do something he said he would do.

I do have strong feelings about our kids, though. I don't mind them playing video games, but within limits. My parents put a 2 hour limit on TV when I was a kid and that was pretty (frustratingly) effective, so I'll probably do something like that. My 6 year old nephew plays Call of Duty and Halo obsessively - yea, that's not happening in my house.

All in all, as with most things, I think it's about balance.

BulgariHeart

I love video games! I hooked my H up with Super Mario and the likes over the years. We have so much fun playing Super Mario Party when we have a bit of time I guess we're very moderate like that.

doeydo

I like to play the odd game occasionally.  I don't mind that my FI (we live together and are common-law) is a gamer or that he can spend hours playing one game.  ETA it's kind of cute, actually.  When he gets a new game he's like a kid again.  

lisa2008boo

My husband plays them and I don't have an issue with it. Mainly because he isn't obsessed with it and he does't play very much. Now if he ever started playing them none stop all day very day we would have an issue. But if he plays them every once in awhile, or buys a game here or there and we have the funds I don't mind. He supports me doing things I like to do in my free time it only seems right I support things that bring him relaxation and happiness as well. 

consciousdear88

My husband and I are both gamers. It is something that we enjoy together though and something we discovered we had in common while we first dated. On our wedding night at midnight, we went and picked up a new release we both wanted and sat and played that on our first night together.
Usually he does try to find something that has a cooperative mode so we can both play at the same time. But if that's not an option, I usually at least keep him company--even if it's just me sitting next to him on the couch cross stitching.
I don't feel it's something that is hindering our marriage. We both enjoy it. It has not taken over to the point where sleep or work are being affected. And we usually budget or wait till there's an excellent deal before getting something new. If we can't afford it now, it can wait.