Hanukkah, Thanksgiving and my Southern Baptist MIL HELP!

MelissaKathrine

So sometimes Hanukkah falls early, like this year. It's actually going to be going on when my in laws are in town for Thanksgiving. Obviously I don't want to just not celebrate Hanukkah because they are here, but I don't know how well she is going to take it. My husband is always of the mindset that his mom will just have to deal with it, but I hate how she acts when she is "dealing". My husband and his father are very good at ignoring her when she is acting so childish, she pouts and gets crazy passive aggressive. I'm not quite there yet. How do I explain we can't have pork in the green beans on my Hanukkah plates when that's her Thanksgiving thing? How do we make her feel included and combine Thanksgiving with Hanukkah in a way that won't upset her?

doeydo

If they are coming to your place for dinner, then you and your husband can do whatever you want, holiday wise, food wise, etc.  If she wants pork in her green beans she can make them at her home.  If you want, you can all sit down together ahead of time and explain what is going to happen so it's not a "surprise" for her to complain about on the actual day(s). 

BeckyOff

MelissaKathrine said:

My husband is always of the mindset that his mom will just have to deal with it, but I hate how she acts when she is "dealing". My husband and his father are very good at ignoring her when she is acting so childish, she pouts and gets crazy passive aggressive. I'm not quite there yet. How do I explain we can't have pork in the green beans on my Hanukkah plates when that's her Thanksgiving thing? How do we make her feel included and combine Thanksgiving with Hanukkah in a way that won't upset her?

If she's acting childish, feel free to treat her as a child.  Would you give in to a toddler who was pitching a fit when they didn't get their way?  Maybe you can't send her to her room, but you can ignore her and not reward her bad behavior.

If your husband and his dad feel it's fine to just ignore her, I suggest you follow their lead.  They've know her a LOT longer than you have.  I bet they have a better way of dealing with her than you do- they've spent a lifetime formulating their coping mechanisms.

There's nothing to explain.  "Because it's Hanukkah" or "Because it's tradition" is all you need to say.  Just keep repeating it.  You don't owe her any more than that.