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DH vent
I just need to vent. Yes, I am home and do EVERYTHING around the house, but once in a blue moon I need N to do something. For instance, last night while I was making dinner L was playing in the driveway with rice in her water table. (dry rice...spoons...). I asked him to put it away and explained that it would need to all go on one side with a lid so it didn't get funky in the garage. The second thing last night was that he didn't want to give the girls a bath so he was going to clean up after dinner.
Fast forward to this morning. I go outside to put a letter in the mailbox...and the rice table is in the middle of the driveway. Some of the rice is covered by the lid, but the majority is on the ground. the spoons and such are scattered NEXT to the container they go in. There has been NO attempt to clean up. I then go in the diningroom to see that L's dirty placemat and food are still on the table, and obviously he hasn't wiped the table.
I just don't get it. It took me about 2 minutes with no shoes, no bra, and in the sprinkling rain to put the rice table in the garage- 3 feet away. It then took 1.5 minutes to wash L's placemat. Why the HELL can't he do something the way it's supposed to be done?
I REALLY want to put a defrosted chicken breast on his plate for dinner...not cooked, and tell him I made dinner as well as he cleaned up the rice table. I did one of 3 steps. Enjoy.
UGH. Vent over.
Re: DH vent
I don't have any solutions for you, just know you're not alone.
This is my DH most times. He "cleans up" dinner by putting all the dirty dishes in the sink. Or "washes dishes" by putting everything in the dishwasher and leaving the pots and pans in the sink. You know because they arent dishes.
Honestly, I dont think they see it as a big deal and that we are making up shit for them to do. They just dont understand it. At all.
I stopped picking DH's underwear up off the floor and just kcked them into a pile on his side of the closet. After a couple weeks he was wearing his flannel boxers in July. He finally started putting them where they belonged. But it certianly wasnt easy.
I couldnt imagine your situation with two small kids. I think the raw chicken is a good idea.
I hear ya! Shawn does the same thing. The last time he did the high chair thing, I took the tray and dumped it on the floor. I was so mad. Cheerios and tiny strawberry pieces went everywhere.
As far as laundry, he's gotten better but when we first moved into the condo, we had a tiny incident with it. When we first moved in, we didn't need the second bedroom so we set it up as a guest room but that's also where Shawn keeps his clothes because I want the big closet in the master bedroom to myself
Anyway, one day I noticed that he kept wearing the same outfit over and over to work so I went into "his" room to check for laundry that didn't make it to the basket. And oh boy did I find it. He had shoved ALL of his laundry from the past month under the bed. When he got home, I was like WTH is this?! His response? "I thought you'd find it. My mom always did."
Ummmm....WTH? And he is how old? would of shoved them back under the bed and not mentioned it.
This. I am superanal and organized about every aspect of my life except keeping the house perfect. Our house isn't messy, but if something is out of place I don't mind much. Jeremy is the anal one about dishes, laundry, etc.
Because he just throws things in drawers/shelves. They fit but you have to stack them, like the plastics nestle in each other or spatulas/laddles you have to like alternate the direction. I'm really close to getting a label maker haha. I would do it myself, but it's really his one and only chore.
He was around 22 or 23. He was old enough to know better. I think he would kick them under the bed. I don't know....
The Rowdy Roberts
Oh of course I have. For 9 years I have. He has gotten much better about a lot of things. Its been a stuggle because he was raised with someone following him around picking up after him constantly. MIL is a control freak and even after he did a chore, she would go behind him and redo the whole thing. So he just stopped doing anything. She still does this to BIL, but complains he doesnt do anything to help her. This is the exact reason I am teaching my son to help around the house and learn to do things for himself because I certianly dont want his future wife to resent me the way I resent my MIL sometimes.
My thing is that while the things I bitch about bother me, that is my only real complaint about him. I can stand there and scream and stomp my feet and throw a hissy fit, but its not going to change him. He would live in filth if I let him. As long and he has dinner, clean underwear and the grass is cut he is happy. He will do things that I ask him to do. It not the way I want it done, but it gets done by someone other than me. Thats why I give the boys jobs that I dont care how they get done.
The only way I could ever totally "fix" him is to divorce him and find someone else that helps me around the house. My marriage is worth way more to me than having someone helping me clean.
@janma529 I truely think you found the male version of yourself. Besides sharing a birthday (which I think is totally awesome and adorable) you guys share so many good traits that make you so compatible together. Which is also why you dont have some of the DH issues the rest of us do. Or if you do, you dont talk about them here. There are some ladies here that really have amazing husbands and J is one of them.
What Mrs.Skiz said... Jeff has gotten better about helping around the house. He grew up with things just magically being done by mom/gma, then his first wife was a stay at home wife then mom. When we first moved in together he would get mad things weren't done, but now he understands more that I work and get most of it done on the weekends.
I cook, he does dishes. Usually on Saturday mornings I go through the kitchen and tidy up from when he throws things in drawers or on shelves. I just laugh now and post postits "I CAN'T REACH THIS SHELF" etc. It's funny he didn't see it for week... He even helps with laundry now. he'll hang my stuff in the front and I'll put it where I want it to go. I know he's not a deep cleaner, but he picks things up now, and really that's all I ask.
Like @mrs.skiz, his mom did EVERYTHING him. I'm pretty sure she even came over to clean after he moved out. I handle it the same way you do.
I do sometimes freak and do the whole yelling about how I'm the only one that does anything around here, but I also have two kids that can destroy a room in 10 minutes. I think the frustration builds up because instead of picking up a room once a day, I'm doing it 10 times.
I would also have to divorce and find a new husband if I wanted to never complain about housekeeping. Stuff like that doesn't bother him. He also doesn't care if I skip a day or two of cleaning and it looks like a bomb went off either. So I just take in to consideration what he does do, like story time, keeping the kids entertained while I clean up dinner, the lawn, playing with the boys while I shower in peace. Gotta take the good with the bad, but it's still ok to vent about the crumbs sometimes.
Shawn is the same way. And for some reason is obsessed with doing laundry...
Was this before or after he shoved it under the bed?!
I used to do laundry every Sunday, but when we had to kids this past summer I just had the smaller baskets in the floor and sorted every night, threw a load in while they were going to bed if one got full... we just kept that up. So some mornings i'll throw a load in, and Jeff will move it over when he gets home and we fold together. Works for us!
Oh yes, we 'talk'. But like the others, it seems his mother just did everything. He is REALLY great in most ways, but housework just isn't one of those ways. He tries to help and doesn't complain about it, he just doesn't do it my way!
Haha after!!! It's probably because I got so mad when I found it under the bed.
Ben is overly obnoxious about getting things done around the house and keeping things clean. but I think this is because his mom is not.
also, I don't think Janet was judging anyone or their spouses. I think she just has a husband that is as crazy organized and clean as her! haha.
The Rowdy Roberts
@mana8503 No...we had salmon, which I don't even like, haha.
I'm glad this turned into everyone venting about their husbands, lol
B00!!!!!!!!!!!!
@Mrs.Skiz was right. I can't really relate to these situations and was just trying to understand. I should have phrased my question more tactfully.