Becoming a Mom Reservations

cutiepie0104

Hey All,

Been Married nearly 4 years now and we are finally in a place where we are comfortable having children. We had moved far away from my family and I wasn't willing to have a child without them nearby. I am 25.

I have many reservations on choosing to have a child, alot of things run through my mind and I was curious what you went through.

At this point I notice My own selfishness along side my Husbands for ourselves, does that go away?

Also the huge responsibility of having a child is overwhelming to me, but I have a few friends with children and feel as though its time.

And the whole Birth thing... YA know . 

lilliesandvino

Reservations are healthy. It's good to think things through and weigh the pros and cons. It is a huge decision and it is overwhelming.

However, if you really think you're too selfish still to have children, then you should wait.

It is always a bad idea to have kids because your friends have kids.

Uptowngirl2009

Having a child is a huge responsibility and it can be overwhelming. I try to remember not to look at the big picture but just to focus on the here and now. It's easy to let your mind run away with you and then you get anxious and stressed.

Both you and your H have to be ready. What ready looks like is different for everyone. We wanted to be in a house and I wanted to have my career established before we started TTC.

Good luck!

seahorse01

There is no rush, you have time to figure this out.  Don't do it because others are.  There are many great reasons to not have children.  Think of all of the money you will save.  There is nothing wrong with waiting, or not having any at all.

BruinsBabe33

lilliesandvino said:

Reservations are healthy. It's good to think things through and weigh the pros and cons. It is a huge decision and it is overwhelming.

However, if you really think you're too selfish still to have children, then you should wait.

It is always a bad idea to have kids because your friends have kids.

All of this. What's right for your friends shouldn't dictate such a huge decision.

nightmare_of_beauty

Ditto everything everyone else posted.

If I had a child when my friends and family did, I would have a 5 year old right now. I was not ready 5 years ago. 

cutiepie0104

Just to clear the air, its not the fact my friends have had children but how I feel around their children that makes me feel as though its time. It's like the little ones fill a void I feel when they're not around.

Thanks for the advice.

islandmonkey8

You're still young! Take as much time as you need. If you still want time as just you and your husband, take it! You won't get that once you have a kid.

katieg520

You are still young, but I will tell you that your fears are normal. And yes, life is vastly different after you have a baby, but it's better in so many ways. You will adjust and almost not even notice it.  But, don't have kids just because you feel like it's what should happen next. Live your life by doing what's right for you, not with what other people are doing.

nightmare_of_beauty

It can be fun to take the kids for a fun activity and then take them home after. I've enjoyed it for the past 5 years. 

Again, it's between you and H when the time is right. Concerns are normal. Like @lilliesandvino said, weigh the pros and cons. 

Flamingo86

What everyone else has said. If I started having kids when my friends did, I would have been a teen mom and missed out on a lot.

ETA if you are only 25 you have a lot of time to have children.

R.Wilsonny

Just like others have said, it's normal to have some fears about becoming a mother, but at the same time, you're only 25 so you have time. I wouldn't rush to have a child just because your friends are having children either - that's no reason to rush. A child is a very big very serious commitment.

So funny, I wasn't even thinking about kids in my 20's. Maybe in the back of my mind I did, but I was nowhere near ready to become a mother. Everyone is different though. I would say hold off for now, but maybe every so often revisit the topic with your H to make sure you're on the same page.