Relocated and sad in new city.

Jonnabobana

We moved to a new city, my husband ( then fiancee), moved in December, I moved in March. I have been extremely sad since the move, I have never been this down my entire life. For the first couple of weeks he was understanding but then he got angry because I was bringing him down. When I started talking about it with my cousin she said I need to suck it up because I made the choice to move here.

 I tried to change my attitude, to go out and experience things, I found some nice trails to walk the dogs on and such. But I'm continuing to feel more and more sad. My husband has started having social functions to go to, he meets people through work, he is really enjoying this place. I haven't made any friends, and I'm so lonely, I cry a couple times a day it seems. I don't know what I'm suppossed to do, I know it will take time, but I don't know how much longer I can go. I need someone to understand and tell me it will get better.

smbenevides1989

Take up on hobbies. Try something new like a cooking/baking class where you meet new people. If you are consistently sad though, I would see your doctor about slight depression or even seeing a councilor. You need to at least do that for yourself. 

Janessadawn

First of all, him getting mad about how you're feeling is not ok. He should be supporting you, not stressing you out further by using your feelings as a scapegoat. And your cousin could use a good reality check, too. Obviously you made the decision to move there but it's not like you could have predicted how it would affect you.

You say he's started having social functions--can he not take you along? Perhaps by meeting his new friends you'll make some of your own. It probably doesn't help that he got there 4 months before you so he had time to adjust and meet people; it sounds like he expected you to catch up to him right away, which isn't fair. I agree that you may want to look into seeing a doctor and/or counselor. But you also need to talk to your H and tell him you're feeling unsupported and like he doesn't take you seriously, and that the way that he's reacting to your difficulties is making you feel worse.

Jonnabobana

I have gone to a couple functions with him, but I often feel more homesick afterwards. I feel as though I don't fit in very well with the people here. I've been avoiding them for awhile because they make me sad.

 You're right about not knowing how it would affect me. Before the move I thought it would be fun to move, to explore a new city, especially with getting married this year. I thought I would make new friends and see new places, I never anticipated this sadness.

  Thanks for your thoughts, it's nice to have someone on my side.

TarponMonoxide

What is there to do in your town and nearby city?

What do you like to do?

Find a group or some activity that's geared to your interest.

You can also volunteer -- what about the local shelter?  There are tons of groups and other organizations who are always looking for a pair of spare hands.

Sign up for adult school classes, local organizations, take lessons. Just to name a few.

chrisnjay05212010

Take up a hobby, join the gym and attend group classes. Are you working? Can you look for work? That will def help with meeting new people.  I cant imagine relocating to someplace new. I hope you can make it work.  I agree with the others that you need to talk to your husband about being more supportive of your feelings.

chrisnjay05212010

Also- check out the local boards on the Nest. Is there one near your city? I know my local board is quite active and we have get togethers frequently.  Alot of friendships have formed from here too!

Sillygirl45

Continue going out with your H. You may not have immediately liked the people there, but that could change. If not, it will at least give you guys mutual experiences. It's also better than sitting at home being sad. Don't focus on not fitting in with them. Focus on being out of the house and enjoying whatever you're doing. Don't judge too quickly. I find people who are very different from me to be at least interesting. 

What do you miss so much about where you were? What is different? 

I would think getting a job or going to school would be great places start. It will give you a sense of purpose and the possibility of meeting new people. 

Good luck to you. Interested to know when things start to look up!

Janessadawn

Something else I just thought of: it doesn't sound like you've really gotten to do a lot of exploring in your new city. It might be advantageous to both your relationship with your husband and your relationship with your new locale if the two of you went on dates and tried out new restaurants, activities, etc. Check out Yelp for nearby places or get recommendations from H's new acquaintances.

You're braver than I am--H broached the subject of moving more times than I can count, and I shot him down every time. Hang in there.

R.Wilsonny

My H and I moved to an entirely different country before we were married and I can sympathize with you about the homesick part. There were days that I would walk to the park and just cry. Mind you, my H and I moved together and it was a move we planned for 2 years before actually doing it. There was a lot that happened and it took me a solid year before I felt 'normal' and started feeling like it was home.

What I can tell you, OP, is that it will get better. It's hard to go to a new place where you don't really know anyone and feel like life is turned upside down. Like others said, find some things to keep you occupied. Take up some hobbies. Do the things you did before you moved that way you can get some kind of normalcy going in your life in the new place. And by all means, go out with your H to functions. Eventually I think you'll connect with the people there. Also, try to plan some date nights with your H just you and him. Have him take you around and explore your new city together.

Just hang in there because it will get better.

Jonnabobana

I have a job here, and will be starting a new one soon, so hopefully that will help me meet new people.

   I have memories and connections to almost every part of the city and the people there. I miss that feeling, I think I'm so sad because I feel lost, misplaced. I feel like everyone is moving on and they are going to forget me, thatt I'll miss all the important moments in my friends lives, all the big things that are about to take place. These friends I've had so many memories with, I want them to be there for the next big changes. I know I'll have my H to share them with, but everyone who has had a longtime close friend knows the comfort of having them to talk to and know they understand, or are currently going through the same thing.

  It's my cousins birthday, and my whole family is together right now, and my other cousin is in labor, right now, tonight, I'm not there. I'm missing huge moments that normally I would be a part of, and I'm going to miss a lot more. It makes me so sad that I feel like I'm getting the wind knocked out of me.

  I've been trying to have date nights and do things around town with H, try to find fun things to occupy my time. I've tried to explore by myself. But I think really, I miss the comfort of knowing I'm a part of everyone's lives, that I can share in the memories they have.

  I'm really thankful to all of you for the great ideas and encouragement, I will take all the advice and try to find some groups to join and see if anything gets better.

 

Leftie22

I relocated across the country about 9 months ago now, and I can definitely relate. My DH has a job, so he meets new people, and I'm a SAHM, so I have to try much harder to get out and make friends. I had no car for the first 7 months we were here, and i started feeling like I was in jail! Now, I've joined a couple of groups for myself (check out meetup.com, there are groups for all kinds of interests and cities) and some for me and my son to do together. I still find it hard, because you have to push yourself at groups to talk to people, and I still haven't made that leap from acquaintance to friend, but it also have way more restrictions than you, since I have a kid and am pregnant. As for missing things, that's definitely hard, but at least technology is good now! I use Skype or FaceTime to talk to my family, and it's nice to see them! and for my son to see them. Could you do that? My DH and I have also Skyped into some family gatherings, just to say hi to everyone. You will need your DH as your support, and to make new memories with, so it's important to tell him how you're feeling. Grief is no joke, and you're grieving the loss of your old life. That's not something you can just get over. Do some talking and then do fun things together. Get a new favorite date restaurant and make some memories in a beautiful park. Once I had some favorite places in my new town, I felt much more at home here. I wish you the best, I know it's not easy.

Janessadawn

Definitely use Skype/FaceTime/whatever you can to video chat with them! FOMO (fear of missing out) is the absolute worst. We have some family in another part of the country, and my SIL is pregnant. She did a "gender reveal" party for her family, who's there, and those of us here were able to FaceTime. It was pretty special, actually--even the mom-to-be didn't know what she was having. Her doctor's office had called a local bakery, as well as a bakery here, to get the right color filling in the cupcakes. We all found out at the same time that she is having a girl! It definitely takes a bit more effort and creativity to join in when you're physically far away, but technology can make it less painful.

tiffanybell

My husband and I went through this too! We moved about three years ago. I was pretty homesick the first 6 months or so. Sometimes I still get homesick. When we first moved, I think I drove him crazy with constant neediness. Get involved with your new town, like everyone has said. Make your home YOUR home. Starting a job will definitely help you get out of the house and talking to people. I call my parents almost every day now to keep in touch and attend family events when I can. All of that helps. Its a struggle but I promise it will get better every day as you make your new city your home.

detandu

I understand your pain I too just moved to a new city hundreds of miles away from my family and friends. It's very difficult for the other person ( your husband) to understand your position because face it he is not in your shoes. I call this time the grieving process where we have to deal with the lost of our old lives in our previous cities. My only advice for you to try and stay positive things will get  better. I am planning to joining some fitness classes and involving myself in social things to meet new people. Volunteering is a great way to meet new people. I hope you feel better as time goes on. This is a new adventure it will get better. I myself am just trying to enjoy the quality time I have alone with my husband minus the old distractions from our old lives. 

detandu

New hobbies are a great way to meet new people even better try and find something that is unique to your new city. Some cities allow people to enjoy in great hobbies such as hiking, sailing, skiing. Try something new that it is " your special thing".