Put a Fork in Us

nfp147

DH and I had a big talk a couple nights ago and we have decided to stop TTC.  I’m feeling really okay with this, almost relieved.

I’ve never been someone who HAD to have children.  And, the entire time we've been TTC, I've never actually envisioned our future with kids.  A lot of our friends are now having children and while I absolutely adore them and love spending small amounts of time with them, I feel like I mostly see the sacrifices and not the joy that they bring (this makes me sound awful, but it’s the best way I can describe it). I look at their kids and think “there’s no break”, “I don’t want another full time job when I get home from my full-time job” and “I’d rather travel than pay for their university.”  (Of course, if we did have kids we would make all the necessary sacrifices and absolutely adore them. This I do not doubt.) Maybe this is my mind’s way of coping with us not having kids.  Or, maybe kids just aren’t as important to me as they are to other people.

We did an IUI in February and then decided to take a break.  We decided that we would try another 2-3 IUIs (if needed) once we got back from London.  Now that we’re back, I just don’t want to.  I don’t want to spend the money; I don’t want to take the meds; I don’t want to think about ovulation and timing anymore.  My heart just isn’t in this anymore.

My only fears are about growing old with no kids, but that’s not a reason to have children in the first place. I also worry that DH will resent this decision, but he swears up and down that he loves me and is happy with only me.

So, that’s where we’re at.  I feel pretty positive about this.  Who knows what the coming months and years will bring, but today I’m okay.  We’ll just focus now on being the best Aunt and Uncle ever.

And, I’m sticking around here.  None of you are lucky enough to get rid of me this easily.

LuckyAngel07

((hugs)) I can't imagine how hard this decision was to make, but I'm glad you're feeling positive about it. It's true that not everyone feels as strongly about having children as the women on this board, so you're certainly not in the wrong in feeling the way you do. 

Go kick ass as the best Aunt and Uncle ever!

transponster

I can't imagine how hard it was to make that decision, but I am glad that you and your H are at peace with it, or at least are feeling good about it. Much love and hugs to you.

Xan921

We've already talked about this but I just wanted to say again how amazing you and Chris both are. I have no doubt that you two will continue to live an amazingly fun, fulfilling and exciting life as husband and wife. I love you dearly and fully support your decision to follow your heart and soul.

islandmonkey8

You guys will be the best Aunt and Uncle. I can only imagine how hard this decision was for the two of  you. It's great that you were both able to decide this together.  You two will have awesome, fulfilling lives no matter what.

seahorse01

I am glad that you were able to come to a decision that you are both comfortable with. 

ILoveRedVino

I wish you continued peace with this decision.

RockABye

((hugs)) I'm glad y'all were able to talk about it and come to a decision. I wish you nothing but intense happiness! And I'm glad you're not leaving

sparklingdiamond

I know this was a tough decision to make, but it sounds like you are doing what is best for you guys and your situation.  

mrsskiz

There is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling. I feel that way a lot and we already have an older child. We have a lot of freedom to do things with him, that we couldnt do with a baby as well. I could have written that post myself from an emotional stand point. I have asked myself dozens of times over the years, "Is this something I really want"? Or is it a coping process I use to convince myself that I am ok without having another baby.

 I do think people dont see the joy of a child like their own parents do so it makes it difficult to put yourself in that situation. Like you said, you know you would feel differently if you were in that situation, but you arent and there is no reason to force yourself to think that way if its not what your heart truely wants.

Keep your mind open for the future. Remember how you feel today if you have a day of doubt or sadness and then do something nice for yourself. You guys are making this decision for a reason.

Like you said, go be the best aunt and uncle any kid could ask for.

katieg520

Oh there is absolutely NOTHING wrong in thinking or feeling the way that you do. Not everyone HAS to have kids. I know lots of people that don't want kids and that's ok too. Everyone has to live and make the decisions that are right for them.

And you've received some great advice from PP!!

cloudymeatballs

That's great you two were able to talk about this and come to a decision for now together.    Not always easy and that is awesome that you went with your true feelings.  As you said, your feelings may change over time, but as of now, stick with how you feel!    Best wishes to you and your H!!! xo

sgautschi

I wish you and your H the best with whatever your future may bring. ((Hugs))

callitcompulsive

I'm glad you came to a decision that you both are comfortable with and wish you nothing but the best!

BruinsBabe33

Sending you so much love! If this is where you are at and this is where you are comfortable, then that's all that matters. I am glad you are  able to find peace! You better not go anywhere. I need poutine updates!

brij2006

Sounds like you both have a good plan in place for your future of traveling and spending time together. Enjoy being an amazing aunt.

lilliesandvino

You're even more amazing to me now. You really seem at peace with this decision and I am so happy for you.

You'd better live up to your promise of not leaving!

LooneyLife

I'm happy for you that you were both able to come to this decision, together as a couple. I wish you nothing but happiness in the future, no matter what it is that makes you happy.

arj14

I am happy for you both that you were able to reach a decision you are both at peace with and wish you the utmost happiness

lindsayandjamie

I am glad you are both feeling comfortable with making a difficult decision.  Just remember that if you decide down the road to change your mind, that is ok too.

zamboni00

It couldn't have been easy to have that conversation, nevermind come to that conclusion, but at the same time, it's probably a relief.

I'm glad you're sticking around 

PandPMeant2B

Glad to hear that you and YH are on the same page and are comfortable with your decision.  It must have been incredibly difficult, but you seem to be at peace and that's great. I hope that continues for you! 

MadeOfAwesome

((hugs)) I'm glad you guys came to a decision that you're both ok with.  I can't imagine how difficult it must be

lulubunny1

I know this must have been a tough decision to make but I'm glad you're both at peace with it ((hugs))

DangerMuffin23

I'm happy that you two were able to come to this decision.  I feel like a huge weight has been taken off your shoulders and now you can feel relief and peace.  You can always revisit your thought process later if need be, but I think it's a very brave and honest decision you made with each other.  I'm glad for you.

Apollo11235

I can't imagine how hard this must have been. That's amazing that you seem to be so at peace with it. Enjoy being the world's best aunt and uncle!

Uptowngirl2009

I'm sure this was such a hard decision for you both to make. I admire your attitude about it. ((Hugs))

GoodWolf

Everyone's said it all already. Your perspective and ability to be on the same page with each other is invaluable, and I really respect that. Hoping for continued peace with your decision, and lots of fun traveling!

CincodeMayoLove

Sending you love hugs and continued comfort in your decision. I am so happy that you are happy and please share all your awesome travel and auntie stories with us .

sweetpotato123

So happy you were both able to come to same decision and be so at peace. Can't wait to hear where you're traveling next!

BeeLu

I'm so glad you're both on the same page, and in a good place. I can't imagine how hard a decision that was to make. Enjoy being an amazing Aunt and Uncle, your nieces and/or nephews are lucky to have you!