MIL Holiday guilt trips....

Becks1987

My Husband and I put a lot of thought into where we'd be for each Holiday. Each year my MIL makes a point to say "Christmas is on Christmas otherwise it's not even worth doing because it's not a Holiday on another day" so we will be spending Christmas with his family. His family celebrates Easter and mine does not so we will also be spending Easter with his family. This leaves my parents with Thanksgiving because my parents said they can have Christmas in July if they wanted because the date doesn't matter. However we informed my Husbands parents the arrangement we came up with and they I indirectly had a fit saying "you'll break grandmas heart! Thanksgiving is so important to her!". If eel very insulted that they'd guilt us. Firstly they get TWO holidays, secondly I'm missing out on seeing all of my extended family on Christmas. What should I tell them so they will stop complaining?

chibiyui

Chances are, nothing is going to keep them from complaining besides spending every holiday with them. I'd let your husband explain to them that it's not fair to spend every holiday with them.  You're a part of his family, just as he's a part of your family. You're family didn't stop existing when you married him. 

R.Wilsonny

Basically this. OP, I feel your pain because I go through the exact same shit with my MIL. She is completely ridiculous and selfish when it comes to the holidays. Because my H's family is of 2 different cultures (both Christian based religions though), his family celebrates Christmas and Easter TWICE. Yes, TWICE. Each and every year, they expect us to be there for both. God forbid we even try to deviate from the program, the guilt trips start. It's such bullshit and it's been an ongoing issue with my H unfortunately.

Not only that, my MIL tries to campaign for us to stay here for Thanksgiving too. Both my birthday and my mothers are on the same day, which falls either on, or around Thanksgiving, so my family celebrates our birthdays on this day. My family lives 2.5-3 hours away, so we hardly see them....this really is the one time if the year that I get to spend quality time with my whole family. My MIL knows this and yet every single year, it's the same shit with her trying to get us to stay. Last year, she looked at the calendar before she came at me, saying 'I see your birthday is the Monday after Thanksgiving, so you can stay here.' I shut her down on that one, as did my H. And believe me, she tried everything in the book to get us to stay or come back early. I am waiting for her to do that this year actually....I have nightmares about it.

So yea, the only thing I can tell you - do not let them guilt you for not spending a holiday with them. You have a family too, but more importantly, you and your H are a family unit, so if you wanted to spend the holiday just the two of you, you are entitled to and they need to understand that.

doeydo

Well, you and your H will have to explain that you are part of each other's families now and want to celebrate with both families.  They will have to "share" you two.  I don't think you should let them "have" Christmas or other holidays every single year.  What about alternating between the families for every holiday or every other year or something?  If your MIL starts going on about how Christmas is on December 25th and not any other day, you can say "Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, but if you want to celebrate with us, we will be over on the 27th." then change the subject.

cutiepie0104

If you and your Husband agree on the Holiday issue Just tell them, it's been this way and you are not changing it. Im sure Grandma will understand, it's both of your lives not just his family.

For us My mothers Family always has Christmas the Saturday before, My dads has their festivities Christmas eve. and Husband and I go to his parents Christmas Day. and thats how it is for now, once we have children all bets are off they're coming to our home.

Good luck! 

Becks1987

My H is having a lunch with his Mom, Dad, and Grandma today. She invited me knowing I couldn't go then said "Well, we will be discussing Thanksgiving plans, so I wish you could come" when I told her I had to work. My H said he'd hold his ground on the plan he and I made....we shall see how his lunch goes with his family.

MrsChanceW

My Husband and I have always done Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve with my parents and Christmas and Easter with his. We always try to go the weekend before Thanksgiving to see his Nana who lives a town over.His other Grandma lives out of state and I always send her a card for Thanksgiving. It doesn't take much to make a Grandma happy. I say don't worry about what your MIL thinks. You have to spend time with your family too! We have also decided when we have kids if people want to see us on the holidays they have to come to us.

kmj500

My FMIL is the same. We spend Christmas Eve and part of Christmas Day with my side, then the rest of Christmas Day and Boxing Day with FH's side. We both think this is the fairest we can be but she has a hissy fit every time it comes up. I just ignore her and try to take the high road. I find this most effective as she just ends up looking and sounding really immature.

Disneygeek77

Wow, I am actually sad for your parents.  Here they are being respectful, kind and considerate to you and your husband and they end up getting screwed in the process.  

Honestly, if you were my daughter, I might start throwing hissy fits too because that seems to work with you guys.