FUN Things to do BEFORE Having Children

DaBearsWife

I hear it all the time, wait to have kids, enjoy your free time with your husband! My husband and I are super adventurous so I wanted to ask, what fun things should we do NOW that we won't be able to do (or it would be hard to do) once we have children?
I know its totally subjective, this is just for fun

Leftie22

Travel, especially long trips and/or overseas trips that wouldn't be easy with children. Other than that, I think there's a lot you can do with kids, and it's more the little things that I miss. So if I'm being honest, I'd say: enjoy sleeping in. Enjoy drinking your morning tea or coffee while it's still hot. Enjoy going to the bathroom by yourself, with the door closed. Enjoy having clothes that fit, instead of being in a transition between regular/maternity/post-baby/some pre-baby clothes. Enjoy having time to put on makeup leisurely. I love my life with kids, and the big stuff is great, but there are so many fun, big firsts with kids that I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I miss having little moments of alone time, and time to be lazy. Appreciate that while you have it!

dragon_chica

Leftie22 said:

Travel, especially long trips and/or overseas trips that wouldn't be easy with children. Other than that, I think there's a lot you can do with kids, and it's more the little things that I miss. So if I'm being honest, I'd say: enjoy sleeping in. Enjoy drinking your morning tea or coffee while it's still hot. Enjoy going to the bathroom by yourself, with the door closed. Enjoy having clothes that fit, instead of being in a transition between regular/maternity/post-baby/some pre-baby clothes. Enjoy having time to put on makeup leisurely. I love my life with kids, and the big stuff is great, but there are so many fun, big firsts with kids that I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I miss having little moments of alone time, and time to be lazy. Appreciate that while you have it!

This.  It's really the little things that I miss that seem mundane to others.  Being able to watch TV on loud, going to the bathroom in peace, sleeping past 7 a.m., staying up as late as I want without worrying about being woken up in the middle of the night or too early in the morning, watch as many movies in the theater, eat a meal suuuuuuper slow, eat a meal at random times instead of when the kids need to eat, you get my drift.

 I also second traveling.  While dating and before having kids DH and I traveled internationally twice, visited parts of the US, and did road trips up and down the coast.  Part of me still wishes we had traveled even more.  But, like Leftie said, you still can do a lot of things with kids.  You just have to adjust your expectations, increase your budget in certain ways, and accept the fact that your experience will in many ways be dictated by your kids.  DH and I accepted this from the get-go.  We're huge travel fanatics.  DD is 4 and she's already been to Texas, Arizona, up and down the California coast, camping, and Hawaii.  With DS we've all been on a road trip down to L.A./Disneyland, Disney cruise to Mexico, went to Vietnam and the Philippines, and next summer to Alaska on another Disney cruise.  Having kids hasn't stopped us from doing a lot of things we love to do.  We've just been realistic of how things may go and enjoyed every step along the way!

Mrs.Rad888

You should go to all the NFL games you can. 

Edit: Oops, I just realized I got Da Bears Bride mixed up with Da Bears Wife. Even though the user names are different, I have a suspicion that they are the same person, so I'm going to leave it.

DaBearsWife

Same person! I forgot my password for the original account, and I got married

I love the advice!! Keep it coming

sillygoosegirl

TRAVEL!!!  I look forward to traveling with kids too, but a bunch of the trips we have taken would have been very hard to do with children, probably impossible with small children.

- We spent 6 months backpacking through Asia and Europe (we saw travelers with kids, but how you'd keep it all together, roll with the punches, keep a kid happy on a trip like that, let alone pay for the whole thing for more people, I'm not sure).

- We hiked the Inca Trail (there was a 13 year old in our tour group so clearly a kid CAN do it, but she was pretty buff and I'd say she was still just barely old enough).

- We hiked the Na Pali Coast in Hawaii (another of the most spectacular hikes in the world, 11 rugged and dangerous miles one way though, so not for kids... though one of my best friends did it when she was 16).

- We did spectacular multiday see kayaking on Lake Superior (again, teens can do it, but it's not safe for kids--they can't get themselves out of a capsized sea kayak so they can't go).

- Week-long wilderness backpacking near Yosemite (did this a couple times and am sad we probably won't have time to do it again before kids--there is nothing quite like carrying everything you need to survive for a week in the wilderness on your back, while exploring some of the most beautiful mountains in the world--not sure how we'd also manage to carry a little person and a little person's stuff with us).

SAVE AND INVEST - There will be a lot more demands on your money once you have kids.  Not only food and diapers, but at least 5 years of either daycare or lost wages if you or your spouse stays home.  Once they start school, you'll still be spending money on activities, toys, occasional babysitters, etc.  It'll cost more to go on vacation, or just to go out to dinner (either babysitter or more dinners).  You'll probably want a bigger home and maybe a bigger car too.  It's not going to get easier to save, so save now.  Open a 401(k) and a Roth IRA if you can, so you wont become a burden to your children when you can no longer work (which unfortunately happens for many people younger than they would prefer).  Save up for the house you want to raise your kids in.

SPEND TIME with your friends, your spouse, and your hobbies.  I'm not a parent yet, but I somehow doubt you can save up sleep for when you have kids.  You'd better believe I'm trying--slept in just this morning--but I've got a feeling it doesn't work that way.  I have more faith that the time I'm putting into my friendships, marriage, and hobbies will still feel well spent after I have kids.  

Kimbus22

Yep.  Travel.  Take like 200 vacations.  And enjoy every single time you get to poop alone.  Or sleep through the night.  Or eat without hands grabbing your food and sneezing on your plate.

JessicaF1289

Go to a beautiful restaurant and enjoy a romantic dinner.  Take as long as you want there, savor it all and don't rush home.  Just enjoy each other, the food, getting pampered and focus on each other.

iverske9

My husband and I had soooo much fun before having kids! We traveled to Jamaica, Mexico, Dominican, and los Cabos. We went to shows, parties, fancy dinners, nasty dives. Basically we lived the free life and enjoyed every minute, so now that we are parents we do not feel like we "missed" anything. I love this post and think it is great!

DaBearsWife

iverske9 said:

My husband and I had soooo much fun before having kids! We traveled to Jamaica, Mexico, Dominican, and los Cabos. We went to shows, parties, fancy dinners, nasty dives. Basically we lived the free life and enjoyed every minute, so now that we are parents we do not feel like we "missed" anything. I love this post and think it is great!

This post is so reassuring for me! H and I live life to the fullest, travel often, and take advantage of every new experience we can. Iwas just worried that no matter what we would feel like we should have done more, seen more, or enjoyed more. Its nice to hear that there is a point where you can say that you 'got your fix' and don't have regrets!

doglove

Uh perhaps you should work out your issues before you even think of having kids. 

DaBearsWife

doglove said:

Uh perhaps you should work out your issues before you even think of having kids. 

Not sure what you're trying to refer to here, but with that 'holier than thou' attitude I'm not sure that I even care.

jessica490

Travel, Travel, travel! Nice expensive, romantic vacations.

Also, hang out with your friends....We don't have kids, but notice that once our friends started having them, we never see them anymore...kinda sucks.

cloudymeatballs

DaBearsWife said:

Uh perhaps you should work out your issues before you even think of having kids. 

Not sure what you're trying to refer to here, but with that 'holier than thou' attitude I'm not sure that I even care.

You tell her !!!!   We don't have kids yet either.  Just try to take advantage of not having kids yet. All the free time we need.  I hear from my friends and they really have no time at all.  we have to like plan our dates a few weeks in advanced.  We just will continue to enjoy our lives until we have them.  Travel is always my fave!    Go out and party Lol 

mrspizanotobe

Splurge on yourselves whether it's romantic dinners or international vacations. Priorities will change big time once we have kids so we are trying to enjoy things we know we won't be able to justify after the little ones come. We are also both doing our masters degree programs and work full time and don't want to have children till we both graduate. 

Laurmi

Great thread! We're also in the "looks like we're going to be having kids soon....um....what else should we get out of our system first!?" stage.

Laura 

Bel831

Travel, have adult drinks (in moderation , learn new things you always wanted to try, enjoy alone time-the shower and toilet thing is soooo true, get fit-or stay fit if you already are, make time for friends and your spouse/partner. I have learned through my sisters and their families what happens and what you miss out on once kids arrive.

Personally, I would love to take at least one more overseas vacation with my husband, but I'm at that crossroad where renovating a bathroom and saving for baby is more important than saving for a trip.

Good luck accomplishing things on the before baby bucket list! BBBL? lol

tiffanysbride

For me it's the little things like have sex in places besides your bedroom with the door locked and not having to wait for your kid to fall asleep. Sometimes its like your hostage to their needs and schedules. I feel like we travel more with a kid then without. We do family and then grownup trips, so I don't feel like that has changed. It's more or less not being able to sleep in or randomly go do something without a schedule or babysitters. 

ChaoswithGrace

Hello Ladies! First post on the board. I've been told by several strangers (especially on our honeymoon) to: "Wait. Don't rush to have kids. Enjoy this. You'll never have it again".

At first we thought it was a pretty forward, but when I started to see these woman pleading - and their kids running all over the place we decided to start on our year anniversary.

Do you think a year is sufficent?

Thanks ladies in advance!

 

erollis

@ChaoswithGrace a year before trying to get pregnant is only a decision the two of you can make.

Sigmatam

I do not have kids yet, but my friends seem to miss the items I have included on my list. I would read, be a tv junkie, travel, go to shows (movie/theater), eat out, run 5K, 10K, go see more sporting events. Learn something new: sewing, cooking, knitting, scrapbooking. Finish house hold projects, especially DIY projects. My sister started a bathroom remodel on a second bathroom while prgenant. Two kids later and the DIY aspect has become a pain for her.

Sigmatam

BTW, Chaoswithgrace, I think it depends on your personal circumstances. My sisterwas married at 24 and didnt have kids for 5 years. I got married at 34, so waiting too long could be detrimental to my wanting a few kids. I know it's a tough choice, talk it over w/ hubby and see how he feels. Don't be afraid to go with your gut and don't give in to pressure telling you to have kids/ wait to have kids.

ChaoswithGrace

Thank you! I love reading. During my
single days I could get lost in reading for hours - and it's something I greatly miss. After all the crafting for the wedding, I've learned my way around burlap, and I'm pretty excited to start my scrap book once we pass the holidays.

My only concern about children is my older sisters hurdles in having babies. Between them, there was five miscarriages, and both resulted in IVF. I have 3 amazing nephews. My sisters expressed to me "don't wait 4-6 years".

There was no way in knowing the reproductive hurdles they would face - but also - IVF can cost a pretty penny if that's the avenue we eventually go down.

We decided to enjoy our year of marriage, save as much as we can and it wouldn't hurt to take the nessacessary tests to see if we're in good healthy place.

Thanks for your input ladies and I hope you guys have a happy holiday season.

leahsandhu

Loved reading everyone's advice. We are in this phase right now, of trying to decide what we want to do before we start trying to have kids. Perfect timing!

alexdj24

i agree with doglove, if you have any marital issues tgeten get it works out. Things like finance, chores, and career.

downy72

We just got married and are enjoying just being married for awhile. When people ask us if we're planning soon to have kids, is it wrong if I think, I like being selfish right now? I do want to have kids eventually, but I love having my own time right now, spending time as a married couple, travelling, sleeping in, going places without worrying about kids, fancy restaurants, spending money on things I want (not that we spend a lot on mundane things, but it's nice to treat yourself once in awhile). We just took a big trip to Australia, but are planning a lot of weekend getaways as a couple and hopefully with other couples to cottages, resorts, on boats and cool day trips. And being active and focusing on things you enjoy and fulfilling your personal goals are important too. I'm sorry if all of these things sound selfish, but we are enjoying being newlyweds and when the time comes to have kids I'm sure we will shift our perspective. 

Ilumine

I think that it is most important to have your marriage/home life down pat before you even look at the FUN things - yeah I know, I am a fuddy-duddy.  

I would have my household running smoothly, figure out the bugs in our finances, quirks and inlaws before I would go crazy over the big-ticket fun items, like travel. 

GilliC

Ilumine said:

I think that it is most important to have your marriage/home life down pat before you even look at the FUN things - yeah I know, I am a fuddy-duddy.  

I would have my household running smoothly, figure out the bugs in our finances, quirks and inlaws before I would go crazy over the big-ticket fun items, like travel. 

See, I think you should have those things sorted out BEFORE you get married.

Ilumine

GilliC said:

I think that it is most important to have your marriage/home life down pat before you even look at the FUN things - yeah I know, I am a fuddy-duddy.  

I would have my household running smoothly, figure out the bugs in our finances, quirks and inlaws before I would go crazy over the big-ticket fun items, like travel. 

See, I think you should have those things sorted out BEFORE you get married.

For the most part yes.  

But unless you lived together before marriage you do need to get on the same household page before you go crazy.  DH and I went through some seriously pre-marital counseling.  We read the book '1,001 Questions to Ask Before You Marry" and yet we were flummoxed by the day-to-day minutia.  

Ex, putting dishes in the sink to be loaded into the dishwasher at the end of the day VS taking that extra 5 seconds to put the dishes into the dishwasher right next to the sink.  

Small issue on its own, but when you have 5-10 small issues hit you all at once, it can become hairy.