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Inherited house issues...getting married...what to do?
I just moved in with my fiancee, we get married in 4 days, and I am stressing over the house. His house was inherited and was/is a "family" property. It's the house his mother grew up in, then it was passed to his sister and then it was passed to him. Since he was single it hasn't bothered him too much before, but the house is full and I mean full of stuff that doesn't belong to either of us. His sister lived there before she got married, but moved out when she got married about ten years ago. When she moved, she left anything she didn't want behind without so much as attempting to clear out the cupboards/ closests. In addition to that, no one bothered to clear out his grandmother's stuff when she passed 20 years ago.
The problem: Since we don't technically "own" the house, I don't know what to do with all the stuff. Some of it is really nice and some of it is just junk. I dropped off a 500$ lamp to his sister the other day since his mother mentioned it was one of her "prized" possessions. When I did that, I was criticized by both his mother and sister. I love his mother dearly and am having a tough time living in a house filled with someone else's stuff. My fiancee is just numb to the situation because he's a really low maintence guy who really doesn't need that much space to live. He also wants to just move to avoid dealing with the hoard, but we probably won't be able to find a house/ start looking until the spring.
As of now, i've started cleaning out and boxing up some cupboards, so I can move my stuff in, but the task is looking impossible. Any ideas how I can deal with this without going crazy? Once we got engaged, I thought his family would clear out the house, but now I'm moving in and it isn't going to happen. It's like I'm living in a one bedroom house with no storage space. Talking to his family seems unrealistic since his grandmother has been dead for two decades and no one has even bothered to get rid of half her stuff. Both his parents are also elderly.
Do I just suck it up and live without my bed, dresser and other furniture until we can find our own house, or should I put my foot down and get my stuff moved in?
Re: Inherited house issues...getting married...what to do?
Going through room by room may be the best way. My own mother thinks we should rent an apartment, but not sure if soon-to-be hubby would be on board with that. I think both his mother and sister are semi-hoarders. I won't go visit his sister's house anymore because the entire second floor of her house looks like an episode of hoarders. I've never seen the second floor of my future MIL's house because she is to embarrased to let me see the upstairs.
What scares me is that I'm afraid they will "gift" the house to us as a wedding present. My future MIL mentioned renovating the old "ice closet" and turning it into a second bathroom. They've put in a new furnace and recently fixed the electrical issues for the most part. I'm really thankful that they've done so much, I just hope they are too insulted when we do move out.
I think for your own sanity, you guys should rent an apartment until you save up for a house if that's your eventual goal. GL
You also need a serious discussion with your FI about your discomfort with various aspects of living in a "family" home and how best to address them so the both of you can live happily together.
If the "gift" means you are the owner and have the deed to the property then you have more rights.
You also need a serious discussion with your FI about your discomfort with various aspects of living in a "family" home and how best to address them so the both of you can live happily together.
If the "gift" means you are the owner and have the deed to the property then you have more rights.
Thanks for all the advice.
My poor fiancee. He's trying to take the house issues in stride, but seeing as wedding is t minus 43 hours, I think he's a little overwhemled. On the bright side, he does realize this house is a mental drain and even admits we need to start looking for a new place right after the honeymoon. It should be an interesting end to the year since we need a new car as well. I told him if we don't find a place soon after we get back i'm going to break down and call one of the 1-800-got-junk trucks and send his parents the bill. He was actually supportive of that idea during my mini melt down. He was even joking we should call Hoarders, I'm half tempted to, but don't think that would go over well as his sisters are already arguing about the mess.
Try calling the county bar; you need an attorney to answer exactly one question. Or maybe your FI's attorney can answer the question.
Maybe you can take ownership of the items and do as you wish with them.
In that case, you are free to toss it,sell it in a garage sale, see what might be valuable and sell it to a collector (you'd be surprised what people toss out that is an antique or something else valuble) or do as you wish.
Disregard the nay sayers and criticism. You are adults; you can do as you wish.