Cheating or not cheating?

LaLovely

OK so I'd like to know what everyone thinks CHEATING actually is? My H and I separated( well he left  me after an argument, a dumb one at that) he says we are done, packs his stuff and leaves. Doesn't call or anything, then decides that he is coming back home after a week gone. I told him that because he left he should stay where he was until we can figure out what we are going to do because getting mad and walking out on your wife is NOT ok. He tells me that he is coming home because I haven't called or reached out to him(why should I? he left me)  he needs to come home because he doesn't know what I was doing. FAST FORWARD, I ended up leaving to stay at a friends house because I feel he obviously doesn't love me or have respect for our marriage. And after 3 1/2 years of NO ORGASM ( he knows I haven't had one and his answer to me when we discussed it was and I quote "I read in a book that some women cum slower than some men and I feel there is nothing wrong with me It's you! You need to fix it") So I decide to sleep with someone, had multiple orgasms... Was this cheating?

JemmaWRX

Yes. You cheated. It doesn't matter what the reasons are or how justified you feel, you were unfaithful.

cloudymeatballs

Really??  Yes you cheated.  You had sex with another man while married.  Where is the question here exactly?

Jaje09182010

That is definitely cheating

SmrBrd2012

...Is this for real?

LaLovely

 yes I'm for real. I was under the assumption we were DONE.... I obviously was wrong...

 

JemmaWRX

LaLovely said:

 yes I'm for real. I was under the assumption we were DONE.... I obviously was wrong...

 

You said in your OP that you wanted to stay separated to try and figure out what you were going to do. That doesn't sound like you were "DONE" to me.

cloudymeatballs

JemmaWRX said:

 yes I'm for real. I was under the assumption we were DONE.... I obviously was wrong...

 

You said in your OP that you wanted to stay separated to try and figure out what you were going to do. That doesn't sound like you were "DONE" to me.

Exactly!  So if he went out and did this, would you consider it cheating??  Or are you going to claim that you were "on a break"  ??  Doesn't work that way. 

LaLovely

going to do as in who was going to keep the apartment , who was getting the 1 car we had ect ect.....his stuff was completely packed and ready for him to pick up. He had previously threatened to leave no less than 5 times, this time he actually did it. But wrong is wrong just wanted to know if he was right in feeling cheated on..

 

jennifermcnatt

yes this is most definitely cheating.  

lisa2008boo

You cheated on your husband. You can fix your marriage and make it work but it is going to take both of you wanting it and a lot of hard work from both of you. You need to look into finding a professional to help you guys asap if you both want that. 

First order of business you need to sit down and talk through all of this figure out what you both want and come up with a plan from there. 

GilliC

GilliC

LaLovely said:

And after 3 1/2 years of NO ORGASM I decide to sleep with someone, had multiple orgasms... Was this cheating?

No, multiple orgasms negates infidelity if you've never had one with your husband. 8-|

....but legally, yes, so this could come into play in the divorce settlement depending on your state.

Leftie22

Yes, it's cheating, and are you sure you want to get back together with your DH? Because it doesn't really sound like it. Did he just decide that you weren't done, and you're going along with it, or do you actually want to be there and make it work?

Janessadawn

Yes it's cheating. Plus, he's kind of an asshole for saying it's your fault that you weren't climaxing during sex and that you need to fix it. Many women can't orgasm as a result of p-in-v sex, but there are many other options. If a guy wants to get off but isn't willing to reciprocate, in the words of Dan Savage, DTMF. Your whole relationship sounds toxic and like it's been over for a long time.

Sillygirl45

You cheated. If you wanted to stay together and work on it, you don't bring a third party in to the mix. 

It doesn't matter if he is done or not. If you are, you let him know and go from there. 

If you're not, you don't fuck someone else to prove you can orgasm and create a bunch of drama proving it to him.

This is beyond immature and ridiculous. 

Kimbus22

GilliC said:

I was waiting for this GIF.

This can't be real.  If it doesn't count as cheating if  you have orgasms, then a lot more people would be sleeping around.

TattieSoup

Yes technically it is cheating if you had sex while you were married but if he left and you don't want him back and you have no intention of living with him ever again then it doesn't really matter. It sounds like he is a complete jerk, I would move on.

R.Wilsonny

LaLovely said:

OK so I'd like to know what everyone thinks CHEATING actually is?

Assuming this isn't complete bs....

Basically, OP, if you are married (or unmarried but in a monogamous relationship), if a man other than your partner puts his penis into your vagina, that would be considered cheating. Does this answer your question?

lfk2013

Seriously?!  You're asking a group of married women if sleeping with a man who isn't your husband is cheating?  Do you expect us to feel sorry for you?

You CHEATED.  End of story.  Regardless of the situation between you and your husband, you should have had better sense to TALK TO HIM rather than letting another man stick his joystick in you.  If your marriage wasn't over before (because it sounds like your husband wanted to talk to you), it is now.  

cloudymeatballs

GilliC said:

Lol, exactly what I was thinking she was sayin...    WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!  haha  great show

DLB&MRB

Yep.. that's cheating. A marriage is the most amazing thing in the world. You will go through hard times but you have to stick in it But you cannot work on things if you are too busy trying to get pleasure in other places. People do make mistakes but if yall do continue with your marriage, I hope that you are honest with him and y'all seek counseling..

 

 

arhayden1

Yes you cheated. EVEN if you try to claim that you were "on a break" as pp said you slept with someone else less than a week after a break up. You have obviously checked out of this marriage

FLCountry

You both made mistakes. It is up to you two, to decide on how to get through this. He walked out when things got bad. You need to decide if you can trust he won't always leave when things go south and he will need to trust you won't go to another man. Most of all, decide if you / both are happy. If its worth working on something that will only prolong the end.