married life!!!

tiffielynn91

hello ladies, 

let me just get right into it i have a 2 part completely non related question.. Im a nursing student and my hubby and i have been married just a little over a year. Im not working right now since im in school and my hubby has been caring all the financial burden.  I am extremely stressed about school and not working. He says its fine but there is something wrong i can tell. What do i do? I feel like i cant be a wife and a student. its way to stressful to try to do both. and some days i just sit and cry because of the stress im sure we all have been there.. 

and then there are those people that are always asking so when are you having children...? what do you say to them? i have tried the oh after school thing.. but some are very persistent. what is the nicest and most direct way to say not now!!!!

thanks in advance

TattieSoup

If you are sitting and crying because of stress that is not healthy. There might be a real problem with your husband and there might not but either way I think you need to look after yourself and think about asking your doctor for some help.

Is your husband older? If he has already done school, then he has had his chance to learn and further his career and he shouldn't judge you for being at a different life stage. You might not be contributing financially now but you are preparing for your career so you can contribute more financially over the course of your marriage. By completing school you will be able to earn more, and you might end up working longer than him - if he retires before you and you are supporting him for a few years would you judge him? I don't think so. And you will be able to contribute more personally by being fulfilled and educated. This is for the best and you have to give yourself this chance.

The best way to say "not now" is "not now". If they are persistent say "not now, please stop asking you nosy old bat."

TattieSoup

Sorry, all of my posts are coming out doubled, I don't know why.

JemmaWRX

We all have our priorities.  Sometimes work/school/family takes the #1 spot.  It's okay.  You have to look at this like short term pain for long term gain.  It's normal for your husband to sometimes feel frustrated about this.  It's important that you two talk it out though.  Let him express how he's feeling but kindly remind him that this isn't permanent.  He says he fine, right?  It's up to him to put his feelings on the table.  I imagine you've pressed the issue a little?  If so, give him some time... either he will finally speak up or he will process what's bothering him on his own and it will go away.

If and when he does come around, listen to him.  It's not easy being the bread-winner.  Don't turn it into a pissing contest of who has it worse.  Listen, tell him you understand, thank him for his support.  

When people ask "When are you having a baby" tell them "Nine months after he knocks me up."  Or "Mind your fucking business."  Whichever works for you!

iverske9

Forget the kid thing, it is none of peoples business and I waited many years after I got married. I made sure I was done with school, had a career, we traveled, saved money, spent money, bought a house and then had a kid.

When it comes to school I think you need to calm down, maybe talk to your doctor about some anti anxiety pills. School is hard but it shouldn't be tearing you down this much, especially if you are only in school fulltime.

As for your husband, just talk to him. It can be stressful to be the primary breadwinner but you can make sure you are contributing in other ways including the housework, social calendar, etc. Help him out, have date night...sounds like you need a night to relax.

Leftie22

You need to ask your DH what's wrong. It might be something totally unrelated. And it sounds like you might have unrealistic expectations of yourself as a "wife". Why isn't a wife allowed to be in school? What is a wife supposed to be doing, in your mind? You're bettering yourself, which will benefit you and ultimately benefit the relationship. Lots of people are married and in school. Also, we all go through times when one partner supports the other (financially, emotionally, etc.). Isn't that part of why you got married? I financially supported my DH through the collapse of his freelance business, and again when he lost his job. He financially supports us now so I can stay home with our son. That's all part of marriage. So try not to stress too much, and don't create some ideal "wife role" for yourself that no one can live up to. And as for what's bothering your DH, you'll never know what it is unless you talk to him openly. Good luck!

Sillygirl45

Ok, I've actually finished nursing school. Even thinking of being to clinicals by 6am, going to class until 3pm, having 4-5 hours of prep work ahead that night to be back to clinicals by 6am gives me a headache. Add to that knowing anything below an 80% or missing more than 2 days of clinicals means you get to start all over is just the icing on the cake. I didn't even think the school/learning aspect was that difficult. Just the time involved is all encompassing. 

People don't really get how relentless it is. Your H is probably no exception. I'm sure he sees all the work you're doing and gets it, but it really is different when your the one knee deep in unrealistic care plans.

He may feel a little neglected, but understands it's for a bigger purpose. I agree with pp who said his feelings are on him. He needs to either tell you what is going on and what can make it better, or let whatever his issue is go.

Have a date night. Explain to him that you need his input and for him to open up about his feelings/frustrations. There really is a light at the end of the tunnel and the reward is so incredibly great.

As far as asking when you're having kids, just leave it at "we'll discuss that when I'm done with school". It really isn't anyone's business and you don't need to explain yourself.