selfish?!

kayTbean318

just a rant! I'm sure some of you other ladies have experienced this too? My mom has this thing where she LOVES to declare that people who don't want to have kids are selfish! She goes on and on about it if I even hint that my hubs and I may not have any kids. It drives me crazy! Anyone else have this issue?? She says that selfish people don't have kids because they don't want to make the sacrifices that come along with it - if so, then I guess I'm selfish!

WendyGR

That makes no sense to me. There are plenty of selfish reasons to have kids. Ask her what's wrong with being selfish. You could consider anyone who doesn't give everything they own to the poor to be selfish. It's possible to take selflessness to the extreme.

chrisnjay05212010

yes my mom says the same thing!!!! I tell her at least im capable of realizing that i am selfish and not bringing a child into this world b/c its "what people do". I'm not selfish when it comes to my husband, friends or family. But yes I am selfish in realizing that im not interested in giving up my life for a child. Nothing wrong with that, i call it smart.   

I swear calling me selfish is my moms way of trying to guilt me into having kids. Like, oh you dont want to be labeled as selfish, you have to want children.

Rainzzzy

Aren't your moms being selfish too by trying to guilt you into being reluctant parents so that they can be grandparents? They want a grandkid they can brag on but you will be the one broke and tearing your hair out raising them. I endure the same guilt trips but laugh em off. I AM too selfish to give some of the best years of my life to raising kids. I finally have enough time and money to enjoy life with my husband, and he feels the same. I tell her is she if craving a child to nurture so badly she should consider adopting one lol that quiets her down pretty fast.

Edited (twice lol) for spelling

kayTbean318

very good point rainzzzy! I never thought of it the other way around!

blw12987

I am in this same boat, I am an only child, and never had a desire to have children, my hubby has 2 sons who i have been around for 6 years and i love my step sons and do not want children, people think im such a bad person for not wanting kids

Sillygirl45

Same here. I don't feel the need to procreate, much less for others happiness. Selfish? Probably less selfish than those who have kids before the age of 25 who don't really want to have them but did because their families said they should.

sillygirlio

I have never understood how not wanting to have children is selfish. I can see how it could be perceived as selfish thought... "oh, they just want to sleep in and own boats!"  It's jealousy. 

There are many selfish reasons to have kids.  It would be selfish to have them when you don't really want to because it's "what people do" and you want to fit in.  It's selfish to have them to fit in and then not treat them properly because you never really wanted them to begin with.  It's selfish to have them because you want to have someone to take care of you in your old age.  It's selfish to have them because you want someone to give you unconditional love.  It's selfish to conceive a child because you want to try for a specific gender.  It's selfish to have a child to save your marriage.  Seriously, these are the "reasons" for most of the kids I know who've been recently conceived.  I'm sure there are plenty of people who have kids for selfless reasons, but I don't really know of any.  

It's not selfish to not want kids.  It's something selfish people say when they're trying to guilt you into having them.

This is from a person who tried to have kids for seven years. I felt a little selfish the whole time.  (And before we start a whole thing about how I just said fertility treatments are selfish... that is not what I said.  For me FT was selfish... for others it may not be.  One has to look inside and determine their own motives.)

 

 

chrisnjay05212010

awesome points @Rainzzzy and @sillygirlio

bpphoto785

I wish more people WOULDN'T have kids, because when they do have them they put their own needs first and the kids suffer. To me that is being more selfish than not having kids.