age of marriage

jennifermcnatt

I know someone who as been married for several years. Great couple, she was mature for her age and married  at 18 , her husband was 30 at the time. Do you think that's too big of an age gap at the age? If they are happy does it really matter? This comes up at times with this couple, people saying things about them. I think getting married is different for different people. Not everyone is the same at 20, 25, 30, etc.. But I other stand why people could think this way. Alot of 30 year old men may not date an 18.

Janessadawn

Getting married at 18, while foolhardy, is not always a disaster. It has more potential for disaster than getting married slightly older, but one of the strongest couples I know got married at 19 and 20. I think the huge gap may be what causes raised eyebrows and whispers. If she was only 18 when they got married, how long did they date? When I hear those ages and that gap it makes me think that most likely they got together when she was underage, which makes him a criminal. When you say "a lot of 30 year old men may not date an 18 [year old]," you're right--and there's good reason for it. That gap at those ages makes him out to be a creep.

Disneygeek77

Well I don't think that relationships like that our always doomed; however, in my experience they haven't been successful. Mostly because they weren't based on mutual love, respect and admiration.  The majority of the time the woman is trying to escape a bad home life and the man expects servitude for " rescuing " her. 

There is one couple I do know that have an age gap like that and I do think they are successful but again that is because the relationship is based on mutual love, respect and admiration.

erollis

The age gap isn't a problem if the couple have a healthy, loving relationship.

VOR

THere will always be exceptions to the rule.  And this couple may be one.  But - at face value, I would absolutely side-eye a 30 year old man dating and then marrying an 18 year old. 

12 years is a huge gap.  And people always say that as you get older, the gap means less.  Which I agree with.  But even at 43 - I've known a few women through work and what not that are in their early 30's.  I really like them a lot.  But - we are worlds apart in many ways.  And these are just friends - and not close friends. 

The idea of, at 30, DATING and being romantically involved w/ someone 18....  yeah - I'd side eye it.

Kimbus22

VOR said:

THere will always be exceptions to the rule.  And this couple may be one.  But - at face value, I would absolutely side-eye a 30 year old man dating and then marrying an 18 year old. 

12 years is a huge gap.  And people always say that as you get older, the gap means less.  Which I agree with.  But even at 43 - I've known a few women through work and what not that are in their early 30's.  I really like them a lot.  But - we are worlds apart in many ways.  And these are just friends - and not close friends. 

The idea of, at 30, DATING and being romantically involved w/ someone 18....  yeah - I'd side eye it.

Yeah.  This.  I personally think the 30 year old is gross because if he married her at 18, that means she was under 18 while they were dating.  I'm 32.  Just the idea of finding a teenage boy attractive is disturbing to me.  But whatever, it works for some people I guess.

And I only sort of agree with the bolded.  My mom was 23 when she married my dad, who was 33.  The age gap wasn't a big deal then.  When she was 43 and he was 53 and people all of a sudden started asking them if he was her dad, it got strange.  Although now she's 52 and dating a 30 year old and she's the one being asked if she's the parent.  So obviously it didn't bother her too much....

TattieSoup

My friend who is 25 got married six months ago, her husband is 46. They seem happy, they have been together since she was about 19. The only problem is, she is still trying to get her career moving but they are going to try for a baby ASAP as they think it will not be fair on the child if they wait much longer because of her husband's age. It just shows how difficult it can be when you are at different stages in life.

lisa2008boo

I know a couple at my church who just got married in Jan. She was 22 and he was 31 when they got married. They are expecting their first son and are really happy sweet people.

jennifermcnatt

Longer age gaps don't bother me much it's just that this girl I know was 18, I had she been 28 and 40 it would be different, but they are happy and nice people. 

GilliC

I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that he was not a 29-year-old man dating a 17-year-old girl. I am side-eyeing it because they got married within a year of starting to date. What's the big rush? If you're so sure you want to be together, why does it matter when you get married?

Does she have some kind of medical issue that she needed to get on his insurance ASAP now that she's no longer a minor?

blw12987

I just got married on November 9th 2013 and I met my husband when i was 20 and he was thirty and next year i will be 27 and he will be 37, i really dont think about our age difference, but they crazy thing is i was in 3rd grade when he graduated from high school 

Leftie22

I find the big age gap creepy, and I say that as someone who was in a long-term relationship with someone 10 years older. But I met him when I was 28, not 18. (And it didn't work out anyway.) I don't know, I just think a grown man who goes after someone who is just out of high school has to be kind of a perv.

Sillygirl45

A 30 year old man and a 18 year old GIRL is creepy. I would wonder how this will pan out long term. I have a friend who's H is 9 years younger, but they were 27 and 36. Big difference from 18 and 30.

jennifermcnatt

I always thought  the age difference was odd  too, but don't want to hurt the couples feelings. 

Janessadawn

The only thing that you can do is be supportive. They made their choice already, and they had to have known that it was going to be a controversial one. People are going to talk. If it bothers you, say something to the gossipers, but there's no reason to say anything to the couple.

doeydo

Sounds fine to me.  My FI and I have a bit of an age gap.

Sillygirl45

doeydo said:

Sounds fine to me.  My FI and I have a bit of an age gap.

Just my opinion, but an age difference isn't an issue. I take issue with someone who has lived a good portion of their young, learning, and growing years as they please then tying down someone who hasn't had the same opportunity. While this is entirely up to her (in this case) I find it unfortunate. Even someone who is 20 meeting someone who is 32, dating and then marrying is less suspect. This could be a situation that ends up fine. I take issue with someone in their late 20's dating a teenager. Creepy.

MrsChanceW

My Grandma and Grandpa had a 7 year age gap she was 16 when they got married he was 23. They were married 55 years and even though my Grandpa has passed away there is not a day that goes by that my Grandma does not miss him. But that was the 1930's. I think now a days a 23 year old man hitting up on a 16 year old girl would be creepy but in my Grandma and Grandpa's case it worked out. They had a wonderful life together.

mhickey426

I don't usually post here but when this popped up I had to read. 18 and 30 is a big difference.  I work in a High School and am 28.  Even the most mature students in my school have nothing in common with me or someone my age.  It is such a huge difference.  12 yr age difference can work if the people are old but at that age I do not think it can work.  I find it very strange that a 30yr old is with an 18yr old.  I feel as though they are being taken advantage of.  At 18 everyone thinks it is true love.  18yr old girls always feel as though they are more mature and that guys their age are immature.  He probably has a job and can take her nice places and buy her nice things when boys her age don't do that.  to MrsChanceW things were so different during your grandparents time.  I agree that today it is creepy!

iteachkids81

I met my DH when I was about to turn 25. At first I didn't know his exact age, just that he was in his 30s. When we began dating I knew he was 12 years (and 13 days) older than me, but we just had so much in common. We got married when I was 27 and he was 39. In Feb. we'll celebrate our 5th anniversary and despite having different upbringings from growing up in two different decades, in two very different families, in two different countries, we have a lot in common, are still the best of friends, and we laugh every day! I never set out to marry someone older than me, and I do admit I was a bit worried about it at first, but everyone I told just said "as long as you guys are happy the age doesn't matter" 

Sure I may not have seen all the same movies he did growing up, and some of the references he makes once in a great while he needs to explain to me, but I never look at him and think "man he's so old"