We decided to call it quits, then he changes?

LaLovely

My husband and I decided that we should end our marriage. We both agreed that we didn't get along and had way more fights and arguments than peaceful moments. We discussed who would take what, where we would move and how to divide the remaining bills. Here is my dilemma 2 days later he starts acting like the man he was when I first married him. He asked to take me on a date, he's opening doors, texting me checking to see how my day is going, and after no physical contact with him for the last month he's wanting to cuddle, hug and kiss me now. I don't understand this. Why wait until we decide to end it to do things I asked you to do when we were supposed to be working it out? What gives? Worst of all after I felt we were both at peace with our decision seems he isn't and it's confusing? Any advice?

Disneygeek77

Sorry, but it probably won't last.  He has already shown his true colors.  I mean if 6 months has passed and his behavior is good, then sure give it a second chance, but I would wait at least that long.

Leftie22

He's probably panicking, realizing that his life is going to change. It sounds like a gut reaction, not like he's all of a sudden changed as a person. I'd be willing to bet that this change will only last until you take him back, then it would be business as usual. I've been through many breakups, and there's always that "oh sh!t, this is for real!" moment where you wonder if you made a mistake. I learned to just sit tight, not talk to them, and remember what was going wrong in the relationship. Generally after a couple of weeks I was happy with the decision and very, very glad I didn't contact them or cave to pressure to get back together. I'm sorry, this must be really confusing for you, but I doubt your DH has become a new person overnight. He's flailing, and you're the nearest life raft. You made your decision to break up for a reason. Focus on that, and limit contact with him. I'm willing to bet that his behavior is temporary.

doeydo

He is probably acting on his good side and trying to get you back/keep you.  If you stay, then he will go back to the way he was because that is how he truly is.

Dreamergirl8812

I'm not trying to be an asshole but is/was there any infidelity?

TarponMonoxide

LaLovely said:

My husband and I decided that we should end our marriage. We both agreed that we didn't get along and had way more fights and arguments than peaceful moments. We discussed who would take what, where we would move and how to divide the remaining bills. Here is my dilemma 2 days later he starts acting like the man he was when I first married him. He asked to take me on a date, he's opening doors, texting me checking to see how my day is going, and after no physical contact with him for the last month he's wanting to cuddle, hug and kiss me now. I don't understand this. Why wait until we decide to end it to do things I asked you to do when we were supposed to be working it out? What gives? Worst of all after I felt we were both at peace with our decision seems he isn't and it's confusing? Any advice?

You do what is right for yourself.

This is passive aggressive behavior and maniuplation.

he is not going to change. What you saw before this big display of ardor is what you get.

Extricate yourself from this mess and you file. End of story. Cut off all contact with him; if he has anything to say after that, let it be about the divorce proceedings and let him do it via his legal counsel.

RenoisPrettierThanYou

I'd probably be inclined to wait and see if the behavior continues, based on the info you gave, or, at the very least, confront him with his positive changes to see how he explains the turnaround.

cloudymeatballs

Men!  They do this.  Take advantage of what they have and when it comes to actually you opening your mind and realizing that they are not what you want, they change quick.  He is probably like wow, I screwed up.  He could go back to the way he was, or he could have had a realization here and want to keep you and keep up his positive actions.  I would wait around and see.  Marriage has problems and if he is willing to try, I would want to try.    Keep it known that you will not tolerate how he was and this is the kind of man you want. He can change back. Best wishes... xo

Tofumonkey

Maybe he is relieved and happy. The pressure is off, the fighting is done. Maybe he doesn't want you back at all because you two obviously weren't working. I realize that sounds really harsh, but perhaps you are seeing the "old" him again because the old him was this happy, nice guy.

MariaBend25

Honestly, I feel like people throw in the towel too easily at the first signs of trouble, Having fights doesn't mean a bad marriage, it means bad communication. Did you ever do pre-marital counseling? Sometimes things are worth fighting to save, and perhaps you are seeing that now with his changed behavior (could be he is panicking and trying to save things, or manipulating you to stay, or even releived that it is over...who knows). I would suggest going to a counselor, talking things through, seeing where things went wrong, and giving your marriage the fight to survive that it deserves. You haven't said anything concerning about abuse/cheating ect so give counseling a shotfor 6-12 months. See if things improve, perhaps you two need an avenue to get things back on track and learn to communicate and how to fulfill each other's needs. If the man you love is somewhere still in him, maybe the woman he loves is still in you too. You won't get any answers about his mood/behavior change by speculating, so talk it over with the guidance of a professional.