Am I the only one?

LeahMI

I don't want to brag, but I feel like my marriage is awesome. Mainly because it just feels so easy! I don't understand why some couples (mainly some of my friends) struggle so much in their marriage. Am I the only one who feels that marriage is easy when you're with the right person? Obviously I'm not including health, financial, fidelity, or other serious issues in this discussion. I'm just talking about the day-to-day life. I have friends who tell me about their marriage and it's like walking through molasses or pulling teeth! Anyway, I'm just curious if I'm just being naïve or something but my marriage just feels easy!

People told me before we got married that your first year of marriage is the hardest. If that's the case, I think we'll be pretty happy for a long time considering it was pretty darn easy! Even through unemployment and in-depth fights, I feel like our relationship was pretty easy.

Anyone else feel like their marriage is easier than a lot of people said it would be, or easier than they thought it would be? Or am I just totally full of it?

Leftie22

Just because some people's marriages are hard, doesn't mean you should feel "full of it" that yours is easy! Enjoy it!! Even though I love my DH, I would describe my relationship as hard. I think he's the right person, but we have cultural and religious differences that need constant negotiation. He was also raised in a different country by very dysfunctional parents, so communication is never easy. (He was raised to believe that everyone is out to get you, and talking about feeling is a weakness.) So both of us really have to try hard to get onto common ground. We've also been through a lot of family crap, financial woes, and a premature baby. I don't find it easy at all, but I'm still here. So I'd say - enjoy your easy marriage!!

WendyGR

Ours is super easy too. But, I was married before and he likes to say that my first husband just set the bar so low that of course he seems great ;-) 

I also know that because we don't have kids and are financially stable that we don't have a lot of the stresses that a lot of our friends do.

SmrBrd2012

Our first year of marriage was pretty easy. Nothing really changed. I've actually never heard anyone say the first year of marriage is the hardest! I guess maybe if you didn't live together before. I'm sure as more as "life" happens around us, it will get more...interesting. Enjoy it while it's easy, you never know what will come your way! I would say that the hardest thing about my marriage so far is getting H to help out around the house...not so bad!

PixieChinchilla

...how long have you been married? 

jennifermcnatt

my husband and I have a great marriage as well. I think every marriage is unique and different, I feel marriage is easy, but its not a one size fits all. We were 27 when were married and have been married almost 4 years. We did not live together before marriage.  

Mrs.Rad888

WendyGR said:

Ours is super easy too. But, I was married before and he likes to say that my first husband just set the bar so low that of course he seems great ;-) 

I also know that because we don't have kids and are financially stable that we don't have a lot of the stresses that a lot of our friends do.

DH and I are in this same boat. We both have kids from previous marriages, and decided not to have them together. Partly because of our ages, but avoiding the stresses that kids can bring to a marriage was a big factor.

We've been married for 5 years, and are just now dealing with our first rough patch. But up until this point, it's felt like we were just in automatic. 

chrisnjay05212010

Every marriage is different and has its ups and downs.  I thought my marriage would be an easy transition. We had been together almost 10 years when we got married and were living together for a year prior to the wedding.  The first year was pretty good.  But year 2/3 were very tough, tougher than i ever imagined. We are back on a better road now but i never in a million years thought I would have thoughts of getting divorced. I think we both grew alot and really developed into our adult selves in this time period which contributed to some of it. We are now 29 and 30 so i also wouldnt have expected this type of change but you never know. I learned a ton about myself in this which i take as a good thing.

JemmaWRX

Yes, I feel my marriage has been relatively easy.  We were together for 8 years prior to getting married and had lived together for 5, and went through the process of purchasing a home together.  We lived in our house for about a year before getting married.  So even though we weren't married, we were living like a married couple, if that makes sense.

That said, I'm not so naive to think that challenges aren't imminent.  His job is on the line, we're hoping to start TTC soon, his parents are getting older and some health/financial concerns are surfacing.  There are tough times ahead.  I have faith in us to make it through, but I know it's not going to be easy.

The other thing to consider is we're young.  I'm 27, he's 30.  We're both going to continue to change and grow.  I hope we stay on the same path but I can't predict the future.  Sometimes couples grow together, and sometimes they grow apart.  I'm confident in our relationship and its strength, but I think it's foolish to believe it's always going to be so effortless.

Every marriage and relationship is different.  I know couples who can fight!  But they belong together.  Couples face different challenges because they're different people leading different lives than me, you, and our spouses.  

GilliC

Year 3 was definitely the hardest for us. I think it was worse than year 8, which is when we split up.

lisa2008boo

I never have understood the whole first year is the hardest stuff so not true. Year two was harder I think.

Mine has had it's moments like most people. But overall we get along great we really like one another's company maybe it is because we are both very social so marriage suits us LOL. We enjoy a lot of the same things so we have a lot in common as well as are in agreement on our religion and political views so that really helps us get along as well. 

sillygoosegirl

We've had a few hard periods, in an otherwise very easy marriage over the past 8 years. Our first year was one of the easiest ones. Of course, the easy happy times can seem pretty inconsequential when the hard times hit. That's part of what makes them so difficult, in my experience.

Disneygeek77

I think ours has been pretty easy.  We have had a lot of difficulties like a chronic illness, two job losses, a miscarriage and the worst was losing our first child, but our relationship it self has been strong.  Things have been a little difficult here lately because he is working more hours, but overall I know he cares about us and spending time together and that is all that matters. 

I do have to say that I believe that when it came to choosing a husband, I chose wisely.

LeahMI

We've been together for almost a year and a half. I'm not naive enough to think that we're never going to have hard times. We want 1 or 2 kids, I'm planning a career that doesn't often lend itself to easy relationships, and our parents are going to depend on us a lot as they age.

But it's nice to know that there's other people out there that have a similar relationship to us and make it though the hard times.

It's nice to be able to appreciate the easier times when I know it isn't always going to be this way.

erollis

I think there is a difference between difficult times and an easy marriage/ relationship.

We've gone through difficult times together (health, deaths, financial). But during these hard times our relationship is still easy (supportive, helpful, understanding, loving). We've actually grown and become stronger during these difficult times.

Don't get me wrong we still quarrel and fight from time to time. But it's not unhealthy.

jessica490

WendyGR said:

I also know that because we don't have kids and are financially stable that we don't have a lot of the stresses that a lot of our friends do.

This! Although we have had a few rough patches, but with the last one we decided to seek counceling to help us communicate better.

anssett

My marriage is pretty easy so far, despite money, job and health challenges. We both work hard to be kind, improve communication, etc, but for these 9 months I'd call this marriage awesome and low effort. I'm divorced, I've done high effort!

hamdancer

I am a newlywed and I feel like the actual relationship is very easy. I feel like it always will be because we had a very long relationship before hand. However we have had a fair hand of difficult times that we are still dealing with because he is in the military. He is my dream come true but it's also the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with

Kimbus22

PixieChinchilla said:

...how long have you been married? 

Yeah that's my question too.  My first year of marriage was fine. We had jobs, cars, little debt, a cheap apartment and no kids.  We've now been together 13 years and life has thrown tons of shit at us.  It's "easy" in that we've chosen to deal with that shit together and that's easier than doing it alone.  But it's not always happy go lucky.  We fight, we negotiate, we have periods where we feel more connected than others.  I think it's normal for marriage to have easy periods and more difficult periods.

JemmaWRX

LeahMI said:

We've been together for almost a year and a half.

That's not an incredibly long time. I think it's great it's been easy for you both but be realistic about what the future holds. It very well could remain effortless. But there's a lot of life to live and doing that with someone else can be challenging. I love my husband but I'd be lying if I said there haven't been some tough stretches in the last almost 10 years.

BulgariHeart

Marriage has actually made our lives easier, I can't quite explain how - I mean in terms of how we deal with plans, life events etc. We've always been exceptionally close, almost rolled up into one, for the entire 17 years of our love story, but the last 2 and a half have been the easiest, and it's not because we don't have problems to solve or things on our mind. We're making big career moves, taking risks and so on. And yet, it's as if forming our own family unit has put everything into a different perspective. Whatever life decides to throw at us we're together and we can deal with it. This sort of inner predisposition eliminates a ton of stress, which otherwise would eat us up.

DLB&MRB

It has been pretty good so far! And it feels amazing to be married. I mean, it is one of the most precious things in this world. I love every minute of it!!

Kimbus22

Together for almost a year and a half?  Not even married that long?

Yeah.  That's why you feel like it's easy. You're still in the hormone surge.  Add ten years, a mortgage, stress at work, stress with extended family, illnesses, surgeries and screaming children climbing up your leg.  It gets harder.

Not that I'm saying it's bad.  I have a great marriage.  But it's life.  It's not puppies and rainbows all the time and anyone who tells you it is is full of shit.  Like any good relationship, it takes time, attention and effort to keep the people involved feeling loved, appreciated and happy.  Some days that's really, really easy to do.  Other days it's not but you do it anyway because you love them enough to plow through even when you want to give up.

Maybride2

These types of posts always make me chuckle, in a good way.

Thinking back to the first couple of years of our relationship, I remember thinking how easy and fun it was.  I understand where you're coming from.

But 16 years later and coming up on our 10 year wedding anniversary - sometimes my marriage is easy, sometimes it's brutally hard.  That's life. I hope that in 10 years you're able to look back and chuckle at the naivety of the newlyweds that you hear talk about how easy their marriage is. 

Leftie22

Kimbus22 said:

Together for almost a year and a half?  Not even married that long?

Yeah.  That's why you feel like it's easy. You're still in the hormone surge.  Add ten years, a mortgage, stress at work, stress with extended family, illnesses, surgeries and screaming children climbing up your leg.  It gets harder.

Not that I'm saying it's bad.  I have a great marriage.  But it's life.  It's not puppies and rainbows all the time and anyone who tells you it is is full of shit.  Like any good relationship, it takes time, attention and effort to keep the people involved feeling loved, appreciated and happy.  Some days that's really, really easy to do.  Other days it's not but you do it anyway because you love them enough to plow through even when you want to give up.

So true, so true. I adore my son and so does my DH, but having him was about 100 times harder on our marriage than I thought it would be. You just don't have the time or energy sometimes to nurture your marriage the way all these books and websites would tell you to do. It takes a real effort, and sometimes when you do have a minute, you just want to be alone for an hour or go to bed, or go to the bathroom by yourself. Enjoy the honeymoon phase!!

Mrs.Rad888

DLB&MRB said:

It has been pretty good so far! And it feels amazing to be married. I mean, it is one of the most precious things in this world. I love every minute of it!!

I would hope that everyone feels this way 4 weeks into their marriage! You're still in the honeymoon stage!

skaitlin

I think that lots of people had really great points, but I just wanted to throw in there that everyone probably has a different definition of what an "easy relationship" is. We have all been through different struggles prior to getting married, so each person has a different perspective on which things are easy and which things are difficult.

Personally, I have only been married for 3 1/2 months. My husband and I have been a couple for 6 years though. We have a pretty good grasp on how to be together through horrible trials as well as dealing with conflict. I am not naive though, I know that there are more trials to come, things that we haven't experienced yet, and it will be a test of our relationship. I expect it to be hard, but I also know that we are both committed to get through it. 

WedinVolterra

I've always felt this way too.  DH and I are about to celebrate our 15th dating anniversary / 10th wedding anniversary, and it still feels easy.  DH and I had to learn things about each other along the way, we are still perfecting our communication with each other and we both have our moments -- but 99.9% of the time, life with him is just . . . easy.  Even when we disagree, we both remember how much we love each other and everything else seems to fade in importance.   I said that to my mom once and she smiled and said she always felt the same way about her marriage to my dad.