Opinions

nightmare_of_beauty

I'm posting this here since it is more of a Mom question. 

SIL made a comment to me a few weeks ago that my nieces would LOVE to see Disney On Ice and I could do it as their Christmas present. So I thought about and decided that it was a good idea, I would enjoy seeing it. So I started pricing tickets, figuring out seats, I got a bit serious because if I'm taking them, I want them to enjoy it and be able to see.

My one niece is BILs from a previous relationship and it's not their weekend to have her and I don't really know her mother, so I asked SIL today if she could ask her if it was ok if I took her. I'd pick her up, bring her home, she could spend the night, whatever Mom wanted. SIL gets upset that she really wants to take them and since it's their first time seeing it, she really wants to see their faces. If DH and I pay for our tickets and the girls, SIL and BIL can pay for theirs. 

Ok, I get seeing kids reactions is awesome, especially first time with certain things, but I've heard this from her about so many things (like McDs play place) that it's annoying. I also don't feel like it's right to tag along because since you don't have to pay for your kids, you can afford it. I understand wanting to take them, but if you want to take them then take them. Don't involve me and don't bring it up to me as a Christmas gift. Part of me wants to scrape the whole idea. 

I know things are different when you have kids, so please give to me straight. Am I just not understanding her feelings? 

sgautschi

That is an odd situation. I can see both sides. I think it was just the miscommunication and confusion that is making this gift idea become more of an obligation and awkward situation.

You, as the gift giver, should be able to take them on a fun trip with auntie, but at the same time it is a fun experience that the parents would love the be a part of. Hmmm...

I think you need to sit down and tell her that you thought it would be fun to have a day with auntie, and that it doesn't feel as much like a gift if they tag along. You could offer to videotape/photograph their reactions. If she still doesn't go for it, just tell her that you'd rather do something else as a gift because you want it to be a special gift from their aunt.

MRads

Team you! That's bizarre that she thought you would pay for them to take their kids. If I pay for an experience for my niece and nephews I'm going to experience it with them.

wiggyslilsis

I think it sounds like she wanted you to just get the tickets for the kids or the family and wasn't expecting you guys to want to be involved.

Personally, I would come up with a different gift. Sucks that the kids will miss out on it but maybe you can find something else to take them to like a movie or something.

Venti29

Scrap it. That's not fair to you as the gift giver, I'd pick another adventure though, that's a great gift.

skreedrake

Honestly, I'd scrape the idea. I understand her wanting to see the kids' reactions, but part of a gift like that is the memories you are creating with your nieces. I'd have a conversation with her about how you were hoping to have a day with them, but if that doesn't work, you'd rather give them something else. Hopefully, she won't have any hard feelings.

nightmare_of_beauty

Maybe I did misunderstand that she actually wanted me to buy tickets for the girls without going myself. I get it, but I wouldn't expect a 5 year old and 8 year old to go on their own so an adult has to go. I bought the tickets, I would spend the money on myself to go rather than expect them to buy themselves tickets. 

I'm sure it will get brought up at Thanksgiving, hopefully not in front of the girls and something will get worked out. Though right now I am feeling like it would be better if I backed off. 

Thank you ladies! I'm glad I wasn't completely confused/lost. 

Venti29

I just thought of something...

My sister want to take the babies to Disneyland when they're 5, I totally expected to go and when we were talking about it she said "no, I'm taking them... You don't come". I had a 'ohhhhh' moment. I never thought it would be just them.

She can still take them, but it won't be their first trip there now, because yes... I do want that to be with us.

wiggyslilsis

Well Disneyland is HUGE in my opinion. I would assume if a family member said they wanted to go to Disneyland with LO that they meant they would tag along on our family vacation. Now if we had already been and livednearby it would be NBD.

I would let a family member take Ava Nichol to a show wiwithout me though.

Also I am pretty possessive over my kid but Iknow she needs and should develop relationships with other family members and kknowing someone cared enough to do something that awesome with her and that they would get as much joy out of her reaction as I would...would be totally worth it, IMO. I would probably have a moment of "oh I am missing out" but I would suck it up. On the other hand I wouldn't let anyone take her to the zoo before I did.

I think she presented it in the way of a gift for the girls and if that is the case you have every right to take them. If she had said you can buy us tickets as a family that might be a little different.

Whippet8

If I were you, I would do something else as a gift. I don't understand why she would give that to you as an idea and then say she would want to see their reactions. 

I completely understand where she is coming from, though, which is why I say scrap the idea. There are a lot of things that I know Cora will love, and I want to be there with her for that. It took a lot for me to let my parents take her to Stew Leonard's for the first time (a local, awesome grocery store with lots of animotronics and cool things for kids). 

Whippet8

Venti29 said:

Scrap it. That's not fair to you as the gift giver, I'd pick another adventure though, that's a great gift.

This. Pick something else to do with just them. 

nightmare_of_beauty

I just got off the phone with her and told her if she wanted to take them that's fine, I don't mind, I'll do something else. Her reply "I don't want you to pay for their tickets and not go." Um, what? DH and I talked about it and said when we see them at Thanksgiving face to face, we will explain it better and do something else.

I get her wanting to see it and wanting to take them. I don't get telling me it would be a good Christmas gift for them and expecting it not to be an Auntie Day thing. I talked about taking A (oldest, BIL from previous relationship) to a tea party at a local business and she never blinked an eye about that being an Auntie Day other than I would owe C an Aunite Day (let's not get into that). 

Oh and @wiggyslilsis when I was PR my mom told my dad they would one day take LO to Disney World. I asked if I got to go and they said no. 

nightmare_of_beauty

Let me just add, the more I've thought about it, the more I get it now the wanting to see their reaction. 

wiggyslilsis

I can understand her wanting to see their reactions but I guess I see it like if she wants to see their reactions then she should take them (pay for them herself).

I feel bad enough that people don't get to see Ava Nichol using the gifts they get her I can't imagine ever thinking that someone would get her tickets to a show and then not take her. I can imagine wishing that I would get to experience the show with her but I guess I would just tell the person wanting to bring her that thank you for the offer but that is really something I would like to do with her.

It really just seems like she wanted to take the girls to the show but didn't want to/couldn't afford to buy them tickets. She didn't think about you wanting to be included until you brought it up.

Venti29

What about you all go? Do you not want to go with everyone ?

BackseatDriver

I don't think you have to scrap it, but if you get tickets for the parents instead of going yourself that would be it for Christmas gifts. You'd have them all covered- S, BIL, and kids.

nightmare_of_beauty

Venti29 said:

What about you all go? Do you not want to go with everyone ?

First I wanted the Auntie Day. I love getting to do stuff like that with them and I don't really get to. It feels like she won't allow it.

She didn't mention wanting to go when she suggested it as a Christmas gift. It seems like from the beginning she was planning this, why mention it to me to get them as a gift, not saying what you had planned. If she had said we want to take them, but we can't afford tickets would you buy them for the girls or in some way expressed that it was an everyone thing, that would be different. I feel used. 

wiggyslilsis

Right there where you said you feel used is why I wouldn't want to go with the whole family. It is like she is letting you go just because she has to since you bought the tickets. I'm sorry @nightmare_of_beauty it sucks to feel that way. I hope that you can figure out something fun to do with them.