Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Why he gets dirt for dinner...
Okay. So I’m mad. Like REALLY mad. I don’t get mad at N often, but I am really mad.
Background: N was off Weds-Sunday. Also, I was in charge of planning my HS reunion and spent months doing so. I got up early with L every day N was off. The one day he was supposed to she woke up at 6:30 and he was dead to the world (because he gets to take a sleeping pill) and so I got up, talked to her for awhile, got her back to sleep, and then went back to bed. He then got up with her at 7:30 byt claimed there was an emergency with the dehumidifier and let her come back upstairs...so there was no extra sleep for me.
My reunion was Saturday night. He made it very clear that I was expected to drive. Sure, we go out with my friends a few times a year- but I’ll dive. Sure, I spent months planning the event, but I’ll have 2 glasses of wine and be done. Sure, he didn’t even have to go, but I’ll drive. Sure, I’ve driven 100% of the time for over a year, but I’ll drive. We went and I had a great time. I really wanted to keep drinking, but obvi I stopped. We went out afterwards with my bffs and I drank water while he pounded shots with their husbands. We stayed out until after 1, which is later than I’ve stayed up in a year or so because it’s always my turn to get up with the girls.
So we get home and I quickly realize that there is no way he’s waking up in the morning like he promised- thanks. So I slept from 2am-6:45. Awesome. He slept until after 9. I actually took a nap because I couldn’t function and woke up around 10:30. Then I realize he’s hung over…like really hung over. Now, if this was the first time he was hung over ALL day and left me with 2 kids, okay…but it’s not. He doesn’t drink a lot, but when he does he is out of commission for days. Last time he got really hung over he had to take off on Monday. He was throwing up after he went to bed last night. I was waiting for him to ask to go to the hospital- he would have had to take an ambulance or call his mom- there was just NO way.
Yesterday he did NOTHING. We were supposed to take the Xmas card picture, decorate for Xmas, put up the tree and decorate as a family, put the decorations up outside, and ya know…interact. Nope. This means I get to figure out how to decorate outside by myself because he won’t be home during daylight hours until next weekend and we have plans. I get to decorate the tree by myself because the thought of drinking hot chocolate and decorate with him makes me want to stick the ornament hooks in his eyes. I get to try to decorate the house by myself with ‘L’ helping. And I get to try to get a good picture of the girls for the Xmas card by myself this week because they are only both pleasant before noon.
I haven’t actually spoken more than a word or two to him since 2pm yesterday, but I don’t even know if he knows I’m mad. He just text me, “How’s your day going? Love.”
It’s not fair that he gets to drink too much at MY event with MY friends and then do NOTHING for 24 hours. If I had drank too much he would have still expected clean laundry for today, dinner cooked, the house cleaned, and the kids taken care of.
Am I overreacting?
Re: Why he gets dirt for dinner...
The Rowdy Roberts
For example, Friday night we were going out with my family. I haven't drank with my cousins in forever and we were at a bar an hour from home, so he got to have two beers and be the driver. I got to drink as much as I wanted. Who ever the event is "for" I guess you could say, the other one drives. If we go to a wedding or out together, we've been known to get a cab so we both can drink. It's actually pretty cheap. Or we find someone else who will be the DD.
We are both kind of spoiled because M sleeps in until at least 8 every day. So even though we alternate usually, the majority of the time he sleeps later than the both of us. If were hung over we both nap with him later that day.
Greg rarely gets hungover though. He can drink 1000 times more than me, pop an Advil and be fine. He still can function no matter what. If I don't eat before I sleep, drink a bottle of water, take an Advil, and get McDonald's in the morning, am usually a piece of crap the next day. I've had the same kind of throwing up ALL day kind of hangover. It sucks. But if we have plans, I still do them. I definitely understand where he's coming from though.
With that being said, I'd still give him a world of shit when he got home. It's not fair for you not to be able and enjoy yourself. You're home all day with the kids, you need a night to let loose. I'd tell him there's no way in hell that you're being the driver the next time you go out, and that if he wants to drink he's responsible for finding a ride home for you too. On his days that he says he will get up with the girls, hold him accountable. It's not fair at all to be the only one up every morning with them. Sleeping in until 9 or later once a week does freaking wonders. You need that in your life too.
We used to do that too- my friends, I drink...and it's rarely my friends.....and I never drink.
And I feel like him driving the next 100 times won't even make a difference. I feel like he's just f'd this up so bad he can't fix it.
I think ignoring him is in my future.
I'm not even mad about any one part...it's just the whole thing. I just can't wrap my mind around him being so damn selfish.
I think part of his penance should be to clean up after the Christmas g2g. And he could drive home any nesties who become too intoxicated to drive themselves. I don't mind volunteering for that duty.
http://www.cafepress.com/mf/76933176/aint-nobody-got-time-for-that_mugs?productId=801663912
You could fill it with coal.
He needs a come to Jesus & then needs to get up with the girls for several days in a row so you can sleep the eff in.
boy (n): a noise with dirt on it
Okay. So he came home and tried to hug me and give me a gift. I didn't take it and I told him not even to try. I pretty much ignored him until after L went to bed.
I explained very clearly what exactly I was mad about (because he thought it was just his hangover). He feels SO bad. Like, really, really bad. I "explained" that I have never, in over 10 years, seen him as selfish but that there isn't another word I can even think of when I look at him. I explained that I give and give and give, and that once in awhile it has to be his turn to give. I also "explained" that he had 2 kids counting on him the next day and he let them down and that is unacceptable.
The gift was a gift card for a massage. I haven't opened it out of spite, but I know what it is. It's kind of funny because I bought myself a massage on LivingSocial yesterday when I was mad.
I'm still mad and it will take some time for him to get back in my good graces...but I can tell that he is really upset with himself and that makes me feel better.
At least he realized he F'ed up. Even if he didn't understand the severity. Hope this changes things.
I'm still waiting for M to figure out what he did to make me so cranky on our anniversary. (I spent most of the day running around with the kids while he rested, aka slept, on the couch. And we had dinner at the mall food court.)
boy (n): a noise with dirt on it