Christmas gifting gone awry

kimandjosh22

this is the first year in a long time that my husband and I have decided to get eachother Christmas Gifts (the past two years have been full of house buying and wedding planning, so we decised to put money towards that instead of gifts. We planned a budget, took out cash so we couldn't over-spend, and agreed that we could spend less than the budget and any money left would go into the vacation fund. Once we set the budget DH said he knew exactly what he was going to get me.

Now, DH is an impatient person and couldn't wait until Christmas to give me my gift, justifying himself by saying that it was something I might find useful before the holiday. So, he got me a gift certificate to a local very expensive lingere shop.  First, is this a gift for me or him? I'm feeling guilty for feeling ungrateful, but I'm hurt that he didn't take the time to shop for something that he thought I would really want.  I feel like gift certificates are things you get for people you don't know well enough to shop for something. I don't need (or want) any more lingere, and honestly I would have rather that cash went into the vacation fund if he couldn't think of anything to get for me. 

I've not spoken with DH about how i'm feeling about this gift. Am I being irrational? 

TattieSoup

Maybe he really did think about it but just wasn't very good at it. It sounds like he was excited about it if he said right away he knew what to get and couldn't wait to give it to you. (Although as you say, maybe he just wants to see you wear it.) You could try dropping some hints that you would like him to try again, or you could just write it off as a "man thing".

My husband has only ever given me a couple of gifts for any occasion in all the time we have been together (six and a half years) and frankly they were all horrible. It's not something that I feel is a big deal so I just accept that he is rubbish at it and told him not to bother. Now I buy all our Christmas presents and treat myself too if I want something. He shows me he loves me every day and I would rather have that than someone who just thought about me on holidays.

MommyLiberty5013

That sounds like the year DH filled my stocking with candy and to-go cleaning agents like Tide sticks and hand sanitizer. I was not happy. Or the birthday when he bought me a $100 back massager bed chair from Brookstone that smelled like plastic and vibrated so badly that it made me sick.

But....some people just aren't good gift givers. Anyway, it's the thought that counts. Many men have this trouble with gift buying.

I would chalk it up to a learning experience for you...and don't say anything...you will just burn him on future gift buying times.

Since DH has this problem, I have written him a lengthy list on his computer for gift and stocking stuffer ideas. The list is about 20 things long and I update it every so often. He goes here to get ideas. You might try that.

Since you aren't thrilled with the lingerie, you could go there, buy something inexpensive and see if they can give you the remainder of the gift certificate in cash. If they don't then I guess you're stuck with more lingerie. 

Disneygeek77

Yeah I agree with PP.  Maybe he just isn't good with giving gifts.  One year my husband bought me thongs for Christmas knowing that I do not enjoy wearing them.  That was the year I decided to give him a list of ideas. 

Leftie22

I would hate that gift too. Not only is it not really for you to enjoy, but now you also have to go pick out your own gift? Blurg. It's not very thoughtful. And why did he give it to you before Christmas?? Was lingerie really such an emergency? I would probably tell him the truth (as gently as possible). And in the future, give each other a few ideas. I'd rather know what my DH is getting me and enjoy it, than get something disappointing. I also find my DH impossible to shop for, so he gives me ideas too. Maybe you should get your DH cleaning supplies or something else that you would enjoy that he wouldn't! (just joking, although it would be kind of funny!)

tiffanysbride

You don't have to buy something sexy. If he said you might need it sooner then maybe you recently mentioned needing something, like bras (reaching I know). You can buy something for you not him, good bras, a robe or pajamas. Honestly a grandma nightgown would be hysterical. 

The thing is you can't return a gift certificate, which is why you need to be sure the person will use it. I would ask him why he thought of the store for you, what he though you might buy. Go check the place out and see what they have, then express your feelings after you've assessed everything. 

DH is great with a list but not on his own. He has an idea of what he'd like on me or what he things I would like but it always ends up with returns. We've been together for 14 years and he still misses the mark without some guidance. I like setting each other up for success, lists for everyone. The main issue we have now is that he buys everything on the list regardless of budget and then I get annoyed. 

doeydo

Hmm.  I would be a little upset if all I got from my FI was a gift card/certificate but wouldn't mind if it accompanied something else that he put more thought into.  Also, you don't have to buy anything "sexy" from this place, maybe you could buy pajamas or comfortable bras and panties.

PrincessVegan

I bet he was thinking sexy, so if you buy comfy that would be so great. ;D

kimandjosh22

Thanks. the only thing we had agreed on was shopping local, so at least he stuck to that.  This is a little boutiquey place that pretty much only sells sexy...I don't think anything there is made of cotton.  I did buy one bra there in the past (my size is hard to find...need 30DDD or 32DD) but it was one of the least expensive bras there and it cost me $80...I guess I'm having a hard time finding the value in the gift.  

I had mentioned several months ago that I needed a few more bras, but DH subsequently convinced me that it would be OK to drop $200 at victoria's secret during one of their sales to stock up...so needing bras was a non-issue. 

I guess I'm disappointed with the gift and I need to get over it. he has done well in the past (nice necklaces, pearl earrings, gift certificate at my salon for a massage (not really another way to gift a massage)). 

I guess we just weren't on the same page with thing...lesson learned.  fortunately he didn't spend the whole budget on the gift certificate, so we'll see if he redeems himself. 

R.Wilsonny

Meh...I can see how you would be disappointed, but I'm chalking it up to just men being men...some men really stink at giving gifts. For example, the year my husband gave me one of those things to hang our flatscreen tv on the wall in our bedroom. Hardly a 'romantic' gift that I was hoping for on Christmas, but in his eyes it was a good practical gift. I would have preferred a gift certificate to a lingerie shop over that....lol

cclejeune

For my last birthday, my husband gave me head lights. For my car. And he was so proud of them, because he "knew I really needed new head lights."

I'm a fairly new wife, so I'm really glad to hear that bad gift giving seems to be an across the board husband thing, with a few exceptions. That makes me feel better about just giving my husband a list of presents to choose from. lol

WendyGR

we don't even bother with gifts :-) We go out to eat somewhere special.

DannStacy95

We try not to do the exchange thing. In the past we have been both disappointed. We go shopping at some point before christmas, and find things together. Then the kids wrap them up for us. Surprises? no, disappointments? NO! after 20 years, we'd rather it be this way.