Couples Therapy: Question

HandBanana

I know most therapists don't tell you what to do. I am wondering about couples therapy? Is it more focused on staying together or do they acknowledge when divorce is a better decision?

I'm considering seeing a therapist individually in addition but it is also becoming an issue of cost.

doeydo

I believe that they will acknowledge when divorce is the better decision.

GilliC

No one will tell you what to do, but they will talk you through making the decision yourself.

If you see a spiritual or religious-affiliated counselor, there is a chance that they could lean more towards staying together, but an independent therapist should be unbiased. I would recommend being up front about this with anyone you're considering seeing, because figuring out this decision should be one of the things you'd want to focus on.

HandBanana

That was my concern and why I changed the therapist. The first one had a spiritual/Christian background.

Thank you.

ReturnOfKuus

They do tell you what to do in the sense of telling you to use specific techniques to communicate, but as far as larger decisions go, like whether to go or stay, that tends to be for you to figure out.

iverske9

They make you examine what the issues are, what you can or are willing to do to change the issues and if not then prepare you for separation and or divorce. They will never tell you what to do. 

jeneEv

if you ask me it is made to make you more confuse, tell you nothing, take your money in months sometime years.very bad experience with couple therapy here, results thousands spent, improvement = nothing

MariaBend25

read "his needs, her needs: how to affair-proof your marriage". we did this for pre-marital counseling, and each year since we go through it if we hit a rough patch, or once a year to stay on track. it was filled with great advice, as well as interactive questionaaires/activites/tasks to help a failing marriage or keep a healthy one strong. Give it a try...but I remember the counselor who wrote this states that in all his years counseling, he can tell from day one if the marriage will work out or not. The tell-tale sign? If the individuals are committed to the marriage...if one partner has thrown in the towel then don't even bother. If both are willing to work and compromise and make changes, that is all the marriage needs besides some guidance to navigate the rocky road back to a healthy relationship.

GilliC

jeneEv said:

if you ask me it is made to make you more confuse, tell you nothing, take your money in months sometime years.very bad experience with couple therapy here, results thousands spent, improvement = nothing

Either one (or both) of you weren't committed to fixing things, or you simply went to the wrong counselor. Not every therapist works well with every person, and some are just plain bad. I went to a terrible counselor and gave up in frustration, but I've met with others who've been amazingly helpful.