Want to do something with my MIL...

cloudymeatballs

I love my MIL. I was just talking with my H and he was saying how his Mom always told him how she couldn't wait til they got married so she could do girlie things with her DIL. I am a little stuck here. He said she mentioned fashion shows etc, I am not really into that, and would have NO clue what to do for that. I am not the girliest of girls. Lol but I would love to bond with her, just her and I. What would be some good ideas to go do with her? Lunch and movies, got it, but what could we do that would help us bond? I love her, she is great. She has only boys so I and my SIL are her only hopes. Lol Any suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thanks in advanced!!

EastCoastBride

My advice?  Don't force it.  I don't know what will help you "bond".  Just make an effort to get together w/ the two of you.  Start simple - lunch and maybe some shopping (movies mean no talking to one another).  And then see if something comes out of that naturally.

You can't force relationships or "bonds".  ANd I think the more you force it, the less likely it is to happen. 

chiualover

Do you have any museums near you?

hersheykiss21

Find local craft shows and seasonal things.  A garden in our area dresses things up for the holidays and offers a special tea time throughout the day.  Depending on where you are stopping at a tea house could be different and fun.  Figure out what you want out of the relationship.  Is there something you miss doing or want to start doing?  A learn to knit class or explore new trails to take some walks.  In planning these activities be sure you're setting the desired boundaries you want.  If you don't want to hang out every other week for a class then do something else.

Big side note: Until you get used to a routine stick to free things.  If you're not wanting to pay for parking and admission tickets to a craft show then don't do it!  Start simple and close.  Make sure you have cash in your pocket too for the outings just in case.  

Also, congrats on having a MIL that actually wants to make an effort with you to do things.  

nyc artist

That's really nice that you want to do stuff with your MIL. I feel you on that, only my MIL lives in another state (drivable, but still not convenient). I am curious to hear what you end up doing, because I too want to do stuff just my MIL and I but it's never really worked out.

We both love the Hunger Games and last year we wanted to see the movie together but unfortunately her mom died!  So that ruined that plan. Then this year she broke her arm right before we were supposed to go. I hope trying to see a movie together isn't some kind of a curse! hahaha!! But for real, I'm trying to also think of other things, so I look forward to hearing how it goes.

cloudymeatballs

We already get along pretty good. We have gotten together movies, lunches and such, but My Mom had come along too. They get along pretty good too. Thank goodness. I was just wanting to do something just her and I, minus MY Mom, I feel we could talk more... We live in So Cal, so there are things to do, I just draw blanks for some reason when I think of things to do. Lol A museum may be something she would enjoy.... Hmmmm

cloudymeatballs

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MaggieW518

While I agree with PP about trying to find common ground, may I suggest trying the fashion show route if that's what she is passionate about? I'm not saying to make it a regular thing, but just try it... And be up front with her about it ("I would love to go to XYZ Fashion Show with you, MIL. I'll admit, I don't know much about it, but I think it would be fun to go together and you can teach me a few things.") - it might actually mean even more to her knowing it's not your thing, but you're willing to make the effort.

As an example, my MIL is obsessed with "The Bachelor/Bachelorette" show... I'm not into it, but she asked me to come over and watch the finale with her one year. I figured, it was only one night... no harm in going. She absolutely loved explaining to me the details of the final two left and who she thought he should end up with. I was totally lost, but it was fun to see her so excited. Afterwards, she thanked me for "putting up" with her and her show and commented later to DH how sweet it was for me to take an interest... I haven't watched the show with her since (though she'll still make passing comments when a new season begins/ends), but I know my effort meant something to her.

Just a thought...

cloudymeatballs

Thanks @maggieW518 That is a good idea. It is difficult for me, lol because I am very much into guy things. Lol, I get along greatly with his Dad, we can talk for hours about football/baseball/basketball whatever. Maybe I can go look for a fashion show. What else kind of girly things could we do? Mani/Pedi's.... ? lol

cloudymeatballs

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cloudymeatballs

Well, I asked my MIL if she wanted to go to lunch and a movie this xmas break, she said yes, but then again, she said we could invite my Mom and hers as well. That's great. But, how do I get this with just her and I? Lol That is my intention, but she always invites my mom along with us. Hmmmm Should I just get used to this? lol Geez

cloudymeatballs

Well, I asked my MIL if she wanted to go to lunch and a movie this xmas break, she said yes, but then again, she said we could invite my Mom and hers as well. That's great. But, how do I get this with just her and I? Lol That is my intention, but she always invites my mom along with us. Hmmmm Should I just get used to this? lol Geez

erollis

I think you need to be honest and tell her you would like to do something just the two of you. Say "that's so thoughtful you want to include my mom. I would love it just be the two of us." Or "I'm going to her house/ seeing her x day. So let's just make it us two."

EastCoastBride

erollis said:

I think you need to be honest and tell her you would like to do something just the two of you. Say "that's so thoughtful you want to include my mom. I would love it just be the two of us." Or "I'm going to her house/ seeing her x day. So let's just make it us two."

Ditto. 

ShannersLA

I don't think the activity is important, as long as you two are just spending quality time together and getting to know one another. You could have complete opposite interests, so I wouldn't invest too much on finding a mutual hobby, but rather just good conversations and learning about each other can be a good way to bond. Don't force it though because the experience could become fake to you or her. I don't think you have to be close girlfriends, just as long as the two of you respect and listen to each other would be enough in my book.

HeironimiWife

Google search Wine and Canvas to see if it is offered in your area. It is a ton of fun.

crystaldbl

Mani/pedi. I'm not a girlie girl either but who doesn't love a pedicure.

cloudymeatballs

@crystaldbl I was thinking the same thing. Maybe next time she has a day off I'll mention it. I am in definite need of one, that's for sure!

cloudymeatballs

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LabLove86

Honestly when I ready your original post my first thought was mani/pedi! I'm not SUPER girly either but honestly - even if you just get french tips or nude color polish - having the mani/pedi done FEELS great, and its also girly enough that she will probably LOVE it! 

Did you end up going?? Also - its nice to hear on this board about someone wanting to put effort into being close to their MIL - very refreshing.

Anyway - you both want the bond to be there so just go with it, and it will develop throughout your lives. Just enjoy the time you spend with her!

cloudymeatballs12

Well the family has been going thru some things. Her father passed away, so this whole year, thus far, has been pretty sad. Her mom is moving, so we have been trying to help out with lots of things. I think my MIL and I will end up having a wonderful relationship. Just wish we were a little closer, which we will be. When her father passed away, the morning we found out, my H was working, so I went by and was with her for a while. She really appreciated that and I was so glad to be there for her. I cannot imagine losing my parents. Lives get busy but as soon as we have that fashion show around these parts, lol, I will get us tickets to go.. I believe there is one in Newport this Spring. That should be fun!

Dandylione

Hi Cloudymeatballs, 

I am in a similar situation. My MIL only has two sons. However, my SIL (her other DIL) lives on the other side of the states, so it is just me!

I think it is so great that you are putting effort into the relationship. 

Around where I live are places called Color Me Mine and As You Wish. They have pre-made, un-glazed ceramics (anything from bowls to clocks!) You pick what you like and you glaze it. When you are finished, they fire it for you and you come pick it up when it is ready. That might be something fun to do that isn't too girly. 

Another fun thing might be a BYOB (bring your own brush -- and bottle of wine ;]) painting class. At those, the instructor picks an image and shows everyone how to paint it step-by-step. Even the least gifted painter leaves with a wonderful creation because the instructors are so easy to follow!

Keep your eyes on Groupon for discounts and inexpensive ideas!

I personally do my best bonding over a project. Plus, if she has a take away, there will always be that fun reminder for her (and you!) of the great time you shared together. :]

Let us know how everything is going!

Disneygeek77

Do you like to cook or at least want to learn how to cook ?  Would a cooking class work ?  

Is she an adventurous eater ?  Would she like to go to a food truck event like a Food truck Friday ?

Could you go over to her house and look at pics of your husband growing up ?  

Would she be willing to teach you how to make his favorite recipes ?