Are we in a rut? (Long)

bnnunley

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, at the beginning of our relationship he would always surprise me by showing up randomly and small things like that. He moved two hours away in January and we've been doing long distance since then. We usually take turns driving to see each other but the past four times we've seen each other I've been the one driving there. We are both young and still in college so we live with family.
I'm very close with my family and he hardly even likes his family and I asked him to come down for thanksgiving but he talked me into being with his family on thanksgiving. THEN I was super excited about him coming to be with my family on Christmas but again that didn't happen I went to his family's. I had put SO much thought into the gifts I got him and our anniversary was 9 days before christmas so he got me a pandora bracelet, but he got me nothing to open on Christmas Day, and he had told me he was going to get me a new charm for my bracelet.
On Christmas Day, I begged him to take me to the movies and told him the one I wanted to see was at 4:50, he lied around all day, and then decided we would go to the one at 7:40, when we got there it was sold out. He promised we would watch a movie when we got back to his house but fell asleep instead.
Things like this happen so often that I'm to the point where I just brush it off as being normal.
But I've always been told that women are supposed to feel loved and cherished, but right now all I'm feeling is like something put on a shelf for whenever he wants to play with it.
He's always saying he wants to marry me but he doesn't act like it.
What do I do?

seedabee

The only thing to do is talk to him tell him he is not keeping his promises and you are feeling neglected. His responses will tell you where to go from here. He may change or he may say this is who he is. If he is unwilling to step up or if he continues to make empty promises, then he is not the one for you.

R.Wilsonny

You could talk to him, but I think he's showing you loud and clear who he is. It takes 2 people to make a relationship work and it seems like you're the one putting in the effort. One year isn't all that long to cut your losses and move on.

Leftie22

Talk to him and tell him what's bothering you. Then he can either act on it, or continue to disappoint you. If he doesn't change his ways, you need to leave before you invest any more time and energy on him. Also, stop agreeing to do things you don't want to do. Why are you spending both thanksgiving and Christmas with his family only? All couples have to work out how they'll spend the holidays, and it should be something that's fair to both of you. Did he just refuse to come to your families place? If so, you should have just gone to see your family without him. By giving in when you don't really want to, you're just teaching him that he can ignore your needs and still get his way. He needs to make an effort too. And not getting you a Christmas present is just plain crappy. It's only been a year, and you're young. Is this how you want to be treated? The best advice I've ever read on relationships is to judge actions, not intentions. Sure, he says he wants to marry you and says he was going to get you a present, but what does he actually do? Intentions are the easy part, actions are the reality. And if you're in a rut after only a year, this isn't the relationship for you. Good luck! I think there's a better guy out there for you.

Disneygeek77

Based on what you said about how he treats your family, I would move on. There is better out there, trust me. And you're right. This isn't how a man acts when he wants to marry someone

R.Wilsonny

Ohhh....I think I missed the part about the Christmas gift (or lack of). Yeaaaa....that's really shitty and to give a lame excuse about why he didn't get a gift is again showing you very clearly where you stand with him in this relationship. If you sit back and accept that, he will continue to do that and disappoint you - and marriage isn't ever going to fix or change that.

The guy I was dating before I met my H was exactly like this - and I put up with it for far longer than I should have. Hence the reason why he is an ex. Do yourself a favor and don't waste any more time with this guy. You owe it to yourself to meet someone who will treat you better and pull his weight in the relationship.

sillygoosegirl

Why have you been the one doing all the driving?  Why did you visit his family for Thanksgiving and Christmas?  Stop letting him take you for granted.  Stop letting him treat you in a way you don't want to be treated.  It doesn't really matter if he wants to marry you or not.  If he doesn't treat you the way you want to be treated, you aren't going to want to marry him, right?  If he wants to see you and have a relationship with you, he can make the effort and maybe your relationship will improve.  Or maybe it will turn out that he doesn't want to make the effort and you will break up.  Either way, you win.

You aren't breeding stock in Jane Austin's England waiting for some man to propose to you. You are a young woman working on your education and your self sufficiency.  If a man comes along who really has a lot to offer you: treats you well, pulls his weight in the relationship, shares your life goals, and you have a great connection with him, then great.  Until then, keep your standards up.  You don't need a man, and you especially don't need one in college.  

ReturnOfKuus

Maybe feeling like he's not that into you any more is why you're so obsessed with his ex?

bnnunley

I talked to him. And we have have smoothed everything over. I've blocked his ex so I cant look at anything at all about her. I'm working on my self esteem and things seem to be going ok so far.

Mrs.Rad888

So, did all these changes that YOU made make him treat you any better?

Seriously, you're still in college and living with family, so I'm assuming you're still pretty young. So, why the hurry to tie yourself to someone who doesn't really seem to care if you're around? Enjoy your single days, and if the right guy comes along, you'll be wanting to shout it off the rooftops, not writing to an online message board asking what's wrong with your relationship.