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mrsvieira28

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GilliC

If you try to talk to him about having a baby, and he won't engage in a healthy dialogue, what's going to happen when you need to discuss how to raise your child?!

First and foremost, you need to resolve your communication issue.

GilliC

mrsvieira28 said:

GilliC thank you . My husband and I rarely have communication issues which make this situation really frustrating. However after dinner tonight my husband and I actually discussed it. We came up with a plan together and I feel great. I now understand where he was coming from & just wish he would have said something to begin with. I am thrilled that he didn't just sit there and stare at me. Lol it's very hard when you have no idea what's going on on his head. Like I said before it is definitely not normal for us and it was just eating away at me. I appreciate the helpful comments I did take some advice, stayed calm & open minded in our discussion and thought about what I was going to say so I didn't scare him off

I'm so glad that you guys were able to talk about it!

I'm a firm believer that communication is the most important part of a relationship.

Corky0905

I had similar problems with my DH.  He didn't have specific goals he wanted to get done before wanting to have children, I had done what I wanted to do with my life even before getting married (travel, college, job) and we got a house together after we got married.  When we got married he said "three more years" to get financially ready.  Well, we got his student loans paid off early and I brought up the subject again (only one year) and he still said "three more years!".  He changed jobs and started saying "when my job is stable".  He's had many offers for jobs after he's finished but wanted to get something "nailed down" and (again) "stable".  I talked to him about how he might never feel like he will have all his boxes checked off his list and that life is constantly changing and morphing into something different and he needs to embrace it rather than prepare for it like a doomsday fanatic.  I got off my birth control recently and told him "I'm ready, so now it's up to you to prevent pregnancy, if you don't, you don't!  It's on you!", bought some sexy new lingerie that I knew he couldn't resist and he's said things in the last week to the extent that he would be excited if I got pregnant and that "if it happens, it happens"!  So maybe try that talk with him or get him to talk to someone that loves having kids and is happy with their life.

mrsvieira28

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Leftie22

I'm sorry, but ditching your birth control because your DH doesn't seem to want to have a baby is completely ridiculous and irresponsible!! So you're basically trying to trap him into having a kid, and think that somehow that's going to help? Or you'll have a child just because he's too lazy to use condoms or get a vasectomy? If your DH won't talk about having kids, that IS and answer. He doesn't want them. Yes, he owes you an answer and direct communication. Stay on your birth control and have a talk. If he won't talk, take him to a counsellor. But do NOT go off birth control. Having a baby is ridiculously hard work, even when your partner is 100% on board, involved and helpful. If he's not, you're just setting yourself up to be miserable, probably divorced and with a child you have to take care of by yourself. It's also not fair to the baby. This is not a decision you get to make by yourself. He has to agree. If he doesn't, you have to decide if he's the right person, or if you want to cut your losses and find someone who actually wants kids. I really hope you talk to your DH and sort this out before resorting to tricks and manipulation. The world doesn't need another deadbeat dad who didn't actually want to have kids.

R.Wilsonny

^^^ this is true. A person isn't going to magically change if you get pregnant without them being on board. I get that you probably feel like the clock is ticking but you need to sort this out before you even think of going off BC because you are setting yourself up for potential disaster. Don't do it.

Corky0905

If I didn't tell him I was going off, I see a problem, but we had talks around it over the past few months and he knew that was the plan, even went to my OBGYN with me.  If his issue is the same, it's that he's waiting for "the perfect time" and there never will be one.

EastCoastBride

A - ditto leftie.  I can't believe you'd actually consider going off BC and just "leaving it up to him".  Hell. 

B- This as your "only issue" is a pretty fricking big issue.  This isn't just about whether to have a baby or not.  There's also a glaring gap in your communication skills!  His not talking about this, at ALL, is bad.  REALLY bad.  And your response of doing the same back at him?  BAD. 

This isn't your "only" issue, and it's not a small issue. 

Be smarter about this,, please.

mrsvieira28

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mrsvieira28

GilliC thank you . My husband and I rarely have communication issues which make this situation really frustrating. However after dinner tonight my husband and I actually discussed it. We came up with a plan together and I feel great. I now understand where he was coming from & just wish he would have said something to begin with. I am thrilled that he didn't just sit there and stare at me. Lol it's very hard when you have no idea what's going on on his head. Like I said before it is definitely not normal for us and it was just eating away at me. I appreciate the helpful comments I did take some advice, stayed calm & open minded in our discussion and thought about what I was going to say so I didn't scare him off

mrsvieira28

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