update on bi-polar spouse

sjcar

i posted back in october about my husband being diagnosed bi-polar 2, and how we were at a real cross roads in our marriage because of all the money problems that have been caused in large part because of his bp2. here's the update.

the good news is that he's totally onboard about getting a handle on his condition. i have complete control of all the finances. if he needs to get something at the store he can only do it with whatever money i give him. he has no access to anything, period, which has resulted in me getting what i want for xmas for the first time in our ten year marriage, which is nothing. :-)  the control freak in me loves this, i hate to admit it but it's true. he's totally fine with this because he seems to recognize he just can't handle it, so he's not fighting me on it. 

i can't say that it hasn't been difficult, because it really has. that said, the mood stabilizer he's on really seems to help a lot. he said he misses the highs, but not the lows, and the highs are not worth losing me, which is where we were headed if things didn't change.  he's still seeing his therapist and psychiatrist. we are declaring bankruptcy. it just can't be helped. i'm not really happy about it but it's the best of the bad options available to us. we are also moving back east to my hometown. that, at least, is a good development. it's a lot cheaper, we will have lots of family support, and have a great group of friends there. my parents are even looking into buying us a modest ($50 - $75K range) house. they'd cover the downpayment and mortgage would be in their name, we'd pay the mortgage. it's incredibly generous of them... i don't even have the words. their generousity is just astounding.

the disability case is still proceeding and it's incredibly stressful. i think it will continue to be until it's settled. all the moving prep is beyond stressful, it's almost paralyzingly stressful. so much stuff we have to get rid of and we have to do a  cross country move on the cheap. husband has surprised me with the moving prep so far. things i want to get rid of and sell that i thought would be a big fight (like his motorcycle) he's been okay with. i realize i keep putting off such conversations because in the past it's always been such a battle, but he keeps surprising me with his willingness to get rid of things i expect to be long knock down, drag out fights. we'll see if this continues as we get into really getting rid of stuff, but it is hopeful.

so, there's the latest. we'll see how it goes. i am cautiously optimistic that we might just get through this. keep your fingers crossed for us.

TarponMonoxide

This is rough. Sorry for your troubles.

Let us continue to know what happens. Wishing the both of you the best.

Leftie22

I'm glad you're doing well, and it sounds like you're on a good path. And moving is stressful on anyone, so go easy on yourself. DH, DS and I recently moved across the country, and it is very daunting. My DH has a very hard time parting with things, even though he knew we only had one moving truck and one trip to get everything to our new city. We argued a lot about what to get rid of, I think some of that is just par for the course! I'm glad your DH isn't making it too difficult, and hopefully you can make some money by selling things before you leave. We did, and it really helped with moving costs. Good luck with everything!

EastCoastBride

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iamelphaba

I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar 1 and it has been a really tough few months.  Please encourage him to continue taking his medication, even when he thinks he's all better.  I've been hospitalized a few times because of brain disorders (I also have PTSD) and that is one of the most common mistakes for someone in our place.  The meds start working and then after time goes by, we start thinking we're better and don't need the meds.

Also, make sure he stays on top of seeing a counselor/psychologist regularly.  There are a BUNCH of coping skills and "tricks" I've learned through my rocky path, so if you want some helpful advice, just message me!