need some advice

shaina925

Quick background, we have been married a little over a year and together for a little over 5 years. Over the past few years I've wanted to stop in the middle of kissing to talk. It drives him crazy (as I can understand) but I don't know why I do this. In fact its pretty much the only thing we argue about. I ended up in tears tonight because we kissed for a bit but he could tell I was disinterested and wanted to talk about the moment instead of just being I'm the moment. He got frustrated and gave up. Then he said that I don't try anymore sexually, basically that I'm lazy... Which I have to agree with. It wasn't like this when we first started dating. I need to change things, sex is almost always the way I want and when he changes it, I can't seem to enjoy it much. I can see how its not much fun for him to always do the same thing. I feel like the effort I used to put in was at a 9 and now its at a 2. Maybe I am too comfortable in our married life? I want to make things better very badly. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much

shaina925

I'm also wondering if maybe something is going on with me, maybe I'm not as happy as I was a few years back. If I'm not feeling good mentally, I've noticed its next to impossible to enjoy sex.

lifeguard

Any changes in home, fiances, work, health, weight, traffic , outside family/friends ?

shaina925

I have put on a few extra pounds due to the holidays. Nothing too crazy though. We are planning on moving after I graduate in May from the northeast to the south. I'm wondering if I'm just really ready for that step and it's affecting me. We've been in the same one bedroom apartment for 4 years.

oldbugle

As usual with posts on this forum it's impossible to guess exactly whats going on with the relatively small amount of information,..which is, anyway, only one side of the story........

..........However, some things which come to mind are;

Is sex the only time when you have his undivided attention?.......do you both talk, properly at length in deep conversations, when you are NOT havign sex?     Do you, in fact, have a full relationship with time for each other or is life one hectic scramble with just a few stolen minutes for sex?

....Could this be plain and simple boredom?...you imply that sex is always the same.  Perhaps it's time for something new in your relationship.  This will usually result in developments to your sex life as well....

Lastly, remember that sex is very diffrently 'wired' in women to men.......women need an emotional input to enjoy sex and part of that is interaction with their man by way of normal conversation.

shaina925

Thanks for the replies. We do talk, maybe not as often as I would like, but usually when he comes home from work he's had a long day so he wants to just unwind, which i understand. I'm going to my primary dr in a few days and I'm thinking about asking him to recommend a therapist so I can get to the bottom of this.

shaina925

Thanks for the replies. We do talk, maybe not as often as I would like, but usually when he comes home from work he's had a long day so he wants to just unwind, which i understand. I'm going to my primary dr in a few days and I'm thinking about asking him to recommend a therapist so I can get to the bottom of this.

schuette2

shaina925 said:

I have put on a few extra pounds due to the holidays. Nothing too crazy though. We are planning on moving after I graduate in May from the northeast to the south. I'm wondering if I'm just really ready for that step and it's affecting me. We've been in the same one bedroom apartment for 4 years.

Being in school myself, I've noticed that my grades tend to come before everything - including sex. We tend to have more sex in between semesters and around/after finals. With moving stuff on top of that, well, stress can be an excellent mood killer. As much not fun as this sounds, you may have to force yourself to get back into the swing of things (and possibly literally, I hear sex swings are fun). DH usually takes me out twice a semester - midterms and finals - on a date night with a happy ending, and it's amazing how my stress level goes down afterwards.