Love Letter

ksblumb

Hi ladies! Just wondering if you guys would proof read this for me and give me any initial thoughts/reactions (seems a bit "wordy" to me). I only have a 5x7 piece of paper to write on so it had to be fairly short.

"In the ten years that we have been together you have come to know me better than anyone else -- you can read me from a simple "hello", always know the the right thing to say when I need it the most, and can comfort me in the silence when there are no words. You are my closest, truest friend and my one true love. Your love for life and passion in the things you do encourage me and inspire to me to become a better person and a better partner everyday. You bring pure, unlimited joy to my life and I hope that you know how thankful I am for you. I promise that, no matter what the future may bring, I will love you unconditionally through all of life's adventures.

TIA!

GilliC

Instead of the dash, consider starting a new sentence after "anyone else." The relationship to the previous sentence should be clear simply from proximity.

The comma after "hello" should be inside the quotation marks.

I would work on trying to find a more parallel structure for the "can read..., always know..., and can comfort..." clauses. Alternatively, since you're worried about being wordy, why not just make them independent sentences. A full stop can have often have more impact than a long sentence with multiple clauses.

Similarly, you could start a new paragraph with "You are my closest..." If you break up that first four-line sentence into multiple independent clauses, you can make it a paragraph on its own. Shorter paragraphs with a clear topic are generally easier to read and comprehend quickly.

"The things you do" is vague. Is he passionate in everything he does? In that case you can say, "in all you do." Otherwise, be more specific about where the passion is.

It should just be "inspire me to..." rather than "inspire to me to..." Moreover, "encourage me" and "inspire me" are nearly synonymous in this case, so I would choose one or the other.

"Everyday" is an adjective. In this case you should use "every day."

There should be a comma between "...joy to my life" and before "and I hope..."

But there should be no comma between "I promise that" and "no matter what..."

lovesclimbing

^^ These are all things you could change.  However, I personally feel that love letters should come from the heart and be your voice and be personal.  They don't need to be proof read, they're what comes from you.

ksblumb

Thanks for the replies!

GilliC

lovesclimbing said:

^^ These are all things you could change.  However, I personally feel that love letters should come from the heart and be your voice and be personal.  They don't need to be proof read, they're what comes from you.

She asked.  :-??