All Joy and No Fun

AmandaJLewis

I heard this interview on the ride home Wednesday and I found it to really resinate with my experiences in parenting.  Just thought I would share it with you all, there is a written summary and audio from the interview.
http://www.npr.org/2014/02/04/271416048/are-we-having-fun-yet-new-book-explores-the-paradox-of-parenting

The whole Housewife vs SAHM thing really never occured to me. But I think of the two I woudl rather be a housewife. hahaha

egpitt22

That was an interesting article.  And it's funny, coworkers and I were just having this conversation about playpens!  I was saying that when both of the boys were young, my mom commented that she was so surprised no one utilized playpens for a long period of time anymore.  How did I get anything done?  Why didn't I just put him in that for an hour or so, and go shower, read a book, whatever I wanted to do? 

And I struggle with the whole, how much do I need to play with them thing they mention.  Don't get me wrong...I love playing with them....but after awhile, I'm like ok...I'm totally checked out of this game of superheroes/lego building/whatever.  So I start doing something else....but then sometimes I feel guilty for doing that. 

lala5507

egpitt22 said:

And I struggle with the whole, how much do I need to play with them thing they mention.  Don't get me wrong...I love playing with them....but after awhile, I'm like ok...I'm totally checked out of this game of superheroes/lego building/whatever.  So I start doing something else....but then sometimes I feel guilty for doing that. 

I completely agree.  I find myself playing with them less as they get older.  I feel guilty, but I think it's good for them.  If my oldest had it her way, I would play everything all. day. long. 

 

waltsgirl102503

I will say that I don't play with my kids often.  I mean, we do things together like play a game or read a book or color- but to just sit and play with toys, I typically don't do that. I did it more with Noah when he was younger since he didn't have anyone else.  Which is probably why he has a really hard time doing ANYTHING alone.  He even gets upset with Brody if Brody wants to play by himself.   Brody on the other hand prefers to play alone and if it's just me and him, he has no interest in having me join in with the Avengers.    

Meghan&Rich

That was a good article, I would be interested in reading the whole book.  I really like the "all joy, no fun" because as much as I love being a mom, and the moments of joy are pure awesomeness, the day to day stuff is so draining that I don't even have the energy or time to have as much fun as I feel like I should.

AmandaJLewis

I was interested in reading the whole thing too Meghan.  For much of the same reason.  just hearing what she had to say helped me put my guilt in check.

MrsAmers

Yes to all of it. And I find the point of change interesting. The idea that kids went from having economic value to being economically worthless. And the idea that they are emotionally priceless.

I want to read the book, too, and I barely make time for non-knitting books.

I play board games with my kids and sometimes Legos. And I help put on and take off Barbie clothes. That's about it. :-) I do projects with the kids, we go places together, there is plenty of "quality" time, but we all need to to do our own things, too.

Most of my childhood memories of playing involve my friends or playing alone. My memories with my parents are about going places, cooking together or playing board games. I don't remember my mom playing Barbies or Lego with me.

ryanthegirl

Agree! I also heard this interview yesterday. 

My mom always commented on our lack of playpen too. I suppose I spent a lot of time in there, lol - my mom is a "housewife." I also don't remember my mom and dad playing with toys with me. I remember board games, places we went, special dinners and activities, though.

As I lamented last week, G cannot entertain himself and I sometimes wonder if I need to stop sitting on the floor and playing cars with him. 

kris356

My mom is always lamenting on the lack of a proper playpen and don't even say use the Pack & Play, that is not a playpen.

amyjoy18

Interesting article.  The playpen part struck me too.  My mom has pictures of my brother and our puppy together in the playpen.  And I've often asked her how she got everything done.  I always remember our house being clean all the time.  She deep-cleaned every Saturday morning.  I too remember playing games with her, but not with toys.  We also spent the majority of our time out playing in the woods, for hours at a time during the summer when I was as young as probably 4 and my brother was 6.  My mom couldn't even see us.  I can't image letting DD hang out in the woods by herself.

I never used the pack-n-play for anything other than sleeping--and now I'm wondering why I never thought to use it to my advantage.

With out even thinking about it, I guess I fully subscribed to SAHP(arent) idea, while DH is more of the SAHS(pouse).  During the day he wants to get stuff done around the house, and I tell him he should play with the kids more.  When I get home from work, even though I'm exhausted and often don't feel like it I end up playing lego, barbies, school, cars, etc.

It would have been nice to parent in a time when "mom guilt" wasn't so prevalent.  Although, I'm not sure I could take my housekeeping skills being scrutinized daily either.

ryanthegirl

amyjoy18 said:

With out even thinking about it, I guess I fully subscribed to SAHP(arent) idea, while DH is more of the SAHS(pouse).  During the day he wants to get stuff done around the house, and I tell him he should play with the kids more.  When I get home from work, even though I'm exhausted and often don't feel like it I end up playing lego, barbies, school, cars, etc.

This is our situation too. When I'm home with G I don't even think about trying to get anything done other than the essentials yet Casey is cleaning out his e-mail inbox, making phone calls, etc. 

kris356

My mom stayed at home. She used to take us to the pool in the summer, we went to my grandparents, we went places. But when we were home, her favorite line was "I am not your entertainment committee". 

As we got older, she did a lot more shuttling: soccer, gymnastics (7 days a week), tennis, diving, baseball, etc. And my dad left at 8 am and often times wasn't home until 9:30 pm.

Luckystar2

That was interesting!

I think there is a lot of parent guilt and pressure to do more with kids. I really don't remember my parents playing with us and I honestly never thought of them as kid people, ha!! We certainly did stuff like others but I don't remember a ton of just playing.

I wonder too about how times have changed and there is a lot less freedom for little kids. I remember playing outside with no parents in sight and going over friends houses across the street when I was dd's age. I am too paranoid and worried to let dd just completely play outside with no supervision. There's a kid across the street a few houses down. he is the same age as dd and has come over to play on his own a few times with nobody knowing where he was. Everyone I've told this to has been shocked. But back in the day that was common. So I feel like all this perpetuates dd's assumption that I should be playing with her since she has so much supervision.

I am glad to hear others conflicted about playing with their kids! Part of me thinks its good for her to have independent play while the other part feels guilty! I love board games and reading with her, etc but just playing with toys gets so old! Last night all she wanted to do was play hide and seek and I hate it!! But I also feel bad since she is an only child. Never having a playmate at home sucks!

lala5507

I used the pack n play as a play pen when my kids were babies.  Just for 15 minutes here and there.  It gave the baby time to "explore" some toys without me being right there and I got to check email or whatever.  I couldn't imagine leaving them in there all day like they did back in the day. 

Luckystar2

Oh and the play pen thing is so interesting! I felt so much pressure and guilt to never let dd cry as a baby!! She was very fussy so that meant I held her all the time. It drove me crazy and I honestly think it would have been better to just let her hang out in the pack and play and cry then for how much it stressed me out and made me a bad mom in the end! I needed a break!

Meghan&Rich

I used the pack in play all the time once the boys were mobile and I had to get things done (like shower or go to the bathroom, lol), it was a life saver for all of us!

There is a lot more pressure on parents now to have this parenting thing executed perfectly at all times.  It drives me batty when I see FB comments or articles to the tune of "parents, do your job!", "keep your kids within arms length at all times!", "teach them how to behave in public!" or just anything related to the parent blame game.

ryanthegirl

Luckystar2 said:

Oh and the play pen thing is so interesting! I felt so much pressure and guilt to never let dd cry as a baby!! She was very fussy so that meant I held her all the time. It drove me crazy and I honestly think it would have been better to just let her hang out in the pack and play and cry then for how much it stressed me out and made me a bad mom in the end! I needed a break!

This. 1,000 times!

MrsAmers

I love you, Meghan, as always! Agree 100%!

I am loving the more mild temperatures with some snow, because it means that the kids stay in the backyard for 15-30 minutes when they get home instead of pestering me for snacks while I'm making dinner. I look forward to sending them outside to play in the spring/summer/fall. When the weather breaks we'll remind the kids about outside rules (don't go in the street, don't leave our block, don't go inside anyone's house without letting us know) and get some much needed freedom for all of us.

FWIW, I was an only child. I played alone a lot and I LOVED it. There is no need to feel bad that your kid doesn't have a built-in playmate.

gwennythepooh

Meghan&Rich said:

I used the pack in play all the time once the boys were mobile and I had to get things done (like shower or go to the bathroom, lol), it was a life saver for all of us!

There is a lot more pressure on parents now to have this parenting thing executed perfectly at all times.  It drives me batty when I see FB comments or articles to the tune of "parents, do your job!", "keep your kids within arms length at all times!", "teach them how to behave in public!" or just anything related to the parent blame game.

I think your comment on the FB thing sums it up really well. I feel like we're monitored/judged so much more as parents now that it makes it hard to relax and we feel like we always have to be 'doing' something with them. When in reality, just like everyone else, I have more memories of playing with friends or by myself than I do of really playing with my parents.

egpitt22

Yeah, I agree with everyone else about my own childhood memories...I remember doing some stuff with my parents for sure, but the day-to-day memories are more filled with playing with my friends, my little brother, Barbies in my room by myself, and yes...outside at what seems like a very young age!!