Married Life
Mamageedee
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Is it important for you that your friends remember your last name???
in Married Life
Okay this might seem like a strange question but if you have a friend that you've been friends with for 5 years and you're pretty close friends. You maybe don't see each other very often but you talk on facebook (which clearly shows your first and last name) and IM (which clearly shows your first and last name) just about everyday and you do things together with your families like vacation together and spend new years eve and other occasions like that with them but when you're booking a vacation together that person doesn't remember your last name or even how to spell or pronounce it. Would that be strange to you? Would it make you feel like you weren't important to them?
And no this isn't a marriage name question. This is my maiden name and the only name she would ever have known for me.
And no this isn't a marriage name question. This is my maiden name and the only name she would ever have known for me.
Re: Is it important for you that your friends remember your last name???
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Thanks you guys... its been a couple weeks since this happened and I have to say I avoided her for like a week and a half because I was just so offended by it. To me, your name is YOU, its who you are.... I mean ITS YOUR NAME! And for someone who I actually considered to be my BFF to not even know how to say it really hurt my feelings. I mean what if I was a missing person or we were in some kind of an accident and the police needed her to help them... she would say my best friend such and such but not know my last name????? Just seems so bizarre and irresponsible as friends to not invest in learning my name!?! Thanks for letter me vent and get some perspective. I'm still really bothered by it but I keep telling myself that life is too short to sweat this kind of stuff but I still can't help how I feel.
If you consider her your BFF, why not ASK her about it? Tell her that you find it odd that she doesn't know your last name, and you're curious about is she like this w/ everyone, and.... why?
Don't be confrontational about it when you ask her. Be CURIOUS so that she doesn't get defensive. But ask her and see if it can lead to a conversation about it.
It's one thing to not know how to spell a complicated name, or to even pronounce it - but to really have no idea.... it's WEIRD. But, I can't lie that I find it also odd to be SO offended over this. Think about how often you actually use good friends last names. It's not something we use daily, weekly, or.... seriously, I HARDLY ever use my friend's last names! To put so much onus on it and make it about not "investing" in you...???
Don't take this to the other extreme either.
It's very weird on her part, but try to understand why she does(n't) do this before getting so pissed.
Honestly I don't see how this offends you so much. So she forgot how to spell your name once, big deal. Is it really worth ending a friendship over? If I was you "BFF" I wouldn't to be your friend anymore because I wouldn't want a friend that's so shallow.
Have you even tried to talk to her about this? She would probably give you better answers then a board full of strangers.
I'm starting to think this is MUD.
I know that for me, I'd need to know more about the "why" behind this before getting upset and annoyed. She may have just blanked in the moment. It HAPPENS to the best of us.
If she, though, says "Oh, I don't care about last names. I don't want to be bothered having to learn them.", then o.k. - THAT I might be a little more "WTF?" about it.
And for those of you who are "your name is YOUR IDENTITY!!!!!" - what about middle names? Do you know all your friends middle names and do they know yours? I'm curious.
Also keep in mind that there are several different kinds of intelligence, and your friend could be brilliant in one area and fall short in another (for her, it's pronouncing or spelling names). My husband's uncle, for example, is an incredibly smart man - an engineer with several degrees - and he's always been kind and sweet to us so I know when he messes up with spelling it's nothing personal. He's just a whiz with problem solving but he lacks in the finer points of communication. He misspells even the simplest of words ("eggs" on a grocery list will be "eegs," for example, and my name in cards or letters is always reduced to my nickname because he'd never spell the whole thing right) and tends to screw up important dates too, like birthdays and anniversaries. But he loves us both with his whole heart and when we do finally get that belated card or letter, it's actually pretty endearing to see those amazing misspellings that could only come from him.
Try to be light about it. Go in w both guns blazing? SHE might be the one thinking wtf about you.
I'm amazed that you'd really basically end a friendship over this (because not sure how you think "you can't watch my kids anymore" is going to go over. )
VOR: no, hahah I really just think shes a ding bat and doesn't get it. But thanks all you guys for indulging me over this