Weight Issues

pink34562000

My mother in law is such a nice lady and has welcomed me into the family with kindness. Ever since I have met her, she has been saying that I'm too thin and that I need to eat more. Yes, I'm on the thin side, but I'm also healthy. I work out, and I eat a normal amount of food. I'll eat a cheeseburger one day and a salad the next day. My dress size is a 4 or a 6, and I'm fine with that.

It really hurts me when she points it out that I'm too thin and need to gain weight. She doesn't do it all the time, but it really bothers me. In the past, I have been made fun of in school for being thin or asked if I have an eating disorder, so it's a sore subject. I don't feel comfortable eating in front of her now because I feel like I'm being judge for the amount of food on my plate. I don't think she realizes that it bothers me. How do I bring up the topic with her in a kind way and let her know that I'm really hurt by it?

SmrBrd2012

Hey there! I'm totally in the same boat as you. I'm 5'10" and ~125-130lbs. I've always been around this weight or slightly less. I eat well and I'm healthy (and even occasionally not healthy with fried foods...) but I just can't gain the weight. I even tried those Boost shakes (gross) at one point. It is rather hurtful when people make these comments. For some reason it's okay to pick on a thin person's weight but not a fat person's. FTR, I don't think it's right to do either unless it's very clear there is a major health issue and they need to do something about it. All of my in laws tend make comments, joking in passing. My friends have too. It doesn't help that I'm mostly a vegetarian. Even though I eat chicken sometimes, they make sure to bring up that I'm a vegetarian or make jokes like, "Oh hey, want to try the pork?! Hurr hurr!"

Sorry you have to deal with that. Maybe you should say something to your husband? Or just tell her the truth if you feel comfortable doing so. I've just kind of accepted that people will make these comments and they really just don't understand how they can be construed as hurtful. The key is to just be happy with who you are and ignore the comments.

pink34562000

I'm so sorry that you deal with this as well. Thank you so much for your advice and sharing your personal experience. I am very happy with my weight and had told my husband about how it hurts when his mom saids that I'm too thin. In the past, I ignored these comments and laughed it off, but I'm having a more difficult time dealing with it lately. I'll just have to speak up next time the topic is brought up and explain that I'm hurt by it.

chrisnjay05212010

ive heard these types of comments before myself so i can understand how frustrating it is.  Personally if it were me, the next time it comes up, i would just politely say back to her, you know it really hurts my feelings when you talk about my weight and eating habits. You could leave it at that or even throw in, I'm considered very healthy and I would appreciate it if you didn't bring it up.    You don't have to be blunt or curt, i think it can still be done in a very polite but firm manner.   I understand you don't want to disrespect her but at the same time she needs to give you that same consideration.

Lots of luck!!

Mamageedee

You know its really interesting flip side that thin people have to go through.  I mean how dare you complain about being thin, right?  Kinda like reverse discrimination. 

I'm sorry I don't have any good advice for you.... but I completely understand where you're coming from!!! 

erollis

My husband is thin. Thin but healthy. Always has been. He's gained 5 pounds in the 12 years we have been together (and still the same pant size). He gets you don't eat enough or you eat like a bird. Also, take seconds you need it or that's all your eating? It's never hurt him when people say things it just bothers him.

I on the other hand have had the opposite comments. I would have strangers ask if I'm pregnant.

The only thing you can do is nicely tell her that those comments are hurtful. That you would appreciate she refrains from commenting on your eating habits and weight. It continues your H should step up and tell her to stop.

TarponMonoxide

Is she of European descent?:)

You'd be surprised how many cultures the "You need a mean you gettin' too skiinny eat eat eat" credo is prevalent in.:)

My guess is that you are the lanky type. I'd tell her that you are naturally lanky and you're in perfect health...and that you'll pass on the eats and the meal.:)

Leftie22

I can relate too (and my MIL is Eastern European - it's definitely partly a cultural thing.) When I was pregnant, my DH's uncle said "you look better. Now you look healthy." Umm...thanks? You know I won't stay 8 months pregnant, right? I don't think people realize that comments about weight are practically never welcome. I usually just laugh it off, and I think they've also accepted that they can't force feed me, so they don't pressure as much. Just keep eating what you normally would, and tell her you're full when she pressures you. Or if it's really becoming a problem, ask your DH to talk to her about not commenting on your weight. And get him to say stuff like "I think *insert your name here* looks great the way she is." My ILs bug my DH about being overweight, and if I hear it, I say that he doesn't have a problem and I love how he looks. I think it helps!

Kimbus22

TarponMonoxide said:

Is she of European descent?:)

You'd be surprised how many cultures the "You need a mean you gettin' too skiinny eat eat eat" credo is prevalent in.:)

My guess is that you are the lanky type. I'd tell her that you are naturally lanky and you're in perfect health...and that you'll pass on the eats and the meal.:)

I was wondering this too.  My YiaYia greets everyone with "You too skinny!" or "You too fat!"  She doesn't mean anything by it, it's apparently just the normal thing to do where she's from.

crystaldbl

I have this problem as well. I'm 5'3" & 110lbs. I've always been small. When I was a kid doctors would pull my mom aside & ask about my eating habits. The only time I was ever able to gain weight was when I was on depo & within a year of getting off that I lost all the weight I had gained. I could eat fast food 10 times a day and not gain a pound. People tell me I should eat a cheeseburger or they ask if I eat. For the most part I just ignore people when they comment about my weight. Sometimes if I'm feeling snarky or having a bad day & someone asks me if I eat, I tell them that I am a cyborg & that food is not a necessity. It's pretty funny to watch them try to think of what to say next. Since this is your MIL & not some random stranger I would tell her that you are healthy & happy and could she please restrain from commenting on your weight. Any comments after that give her the stink eye & walk away.

pink34562000

Thanks ladies for your wonderful advice. Next time if she brings up my weight I'll be sure to tell her, in a nice way, those comments hurt my feelings and that I'm healthy and happy with my weight.

TarponMonoxide

pink34562000 said:

Thanks ladies for your wonderful advice. Next time if she brings up my weight I'll be sure to tell her, in a nice way, those comments hurt my feelings and that I'm healthy and happy with my weight.

Tell her "what's there is choice.":)

phillywife2007

I can relate to how your feeling, but am on the opposite side, being on the heavy side. Having been judged throughout my life and having an eating disorder I have come to realize this was happening due to the other persons unhappiness and insecurities. It's really unfortunate, but a lot of people find satisfaction in bringing down others when they aren't happy with themselves. What really matters is that you are happy and healthy. And through my own learning, I realized there was a major lack of boundaries in place( the issue was with family), therefore when something inappropriate is said to me I confront it right then and there and make it clear that my weight/appearance isn't anyone else's concern but my own and that my self worth goes far deeper than my physical appearance. Be confident and do you.

MommyLiberty5013

My mom was like you in her teens and 20's. Kids at school called her Bean Pole. She always told me..."You would never comment on a person's weight to their face if they were fat, why would you do it to someone who is thin? It hurts people's feelings."

Aside from the possibility that it's a cultural/generational issue, you know yourself and your health. If you're happy, then just exist in that. Don't worry about what the MIL thinks. You have the control of emotions here.