Young Bride Board

jacobsgorgeous

Does anyone else want to see a board for those that consider themselves or are considered by society to be a "young bride"? I would kinda like to meet with others who have made the same choice as I did, "to marry young", but don't regret it and want to support growing marriages.

Lilyrose4242

The Nest doesn't really have age boards. There's one over on the weddingbee though. LINK

doeydo

*Raises hand*
I am not married yet, but I am planning a 2015 wedding & I will be a young bride.  I have been with my FI for over four years and have lived with him for nearly one year.  I am currently in college and working part-time.
Edited for clarity 

GilliC

What happened to:

jacobsgorgeous said:

And it is because I am young that I went to seek advice from supposedly older and more experienced wives. But age is just a number and our maturity level was there and we were ready. ...

If age is just a number, why on earth would you want a young brides board?

jacobsgorgeous

I'd want a board where I wouldn't feel like I'd have to defend when I chose to get married. Also to you know MAKE FRIENDS. 

PixieChinchilla

Now that so many people have left ML, a good portion of the people who post here were young brides. I don't post much anymore, but I was 22.

Sugarplum97

jacobsgorgeous said:

I'd want a board where I wouldn't feel like I'd have to defend when I chose to get married. Also to you know MAKE FRIENDS. 

I also want this. I feel like I have to censor what I want to say, becuase if I say anything about my age. I have to defend myself. I want to be able to talk openly, without being told that I am too young to be here, and being asked what kind of parents would let their daughter get married at 16.

jacobsgorgeous

Though I don't pretend to understand getting married below the legal limit of 17 or 18, I don't think that anyone has the right to judge the decision to get married. We have the right to love and support and share and wish everyone the best of luck because marriage is a delicate thing of vulnerability and trust and hope. Which is why it doesn't always work out.

GilliC

I got married young. Can I join your board?

Or is it only for people who don't regret it?

Sillygirl45

Sugarplum97 said:

jacobsgorgeous said:

I'd want a board where I wouldn't feel like I'd have to defend when I chose to get married. Also to you know MAKE FRIENDS. 

I also want this. I feel like I have to censor what I want to say, becuase if I say anything about my age. I have to defend myself. I want to be able to talk openly, without being told that I am too young to be here, and being asked what kind of parents would let their daughter get married at 16.

You're the one who keeps advertising you're 16. You know perfectly well that is not going to sit well with many people. You're entire premise is being a young (technically child) bride.

Your attempt to normalize being a child bride is what disturbs me. The victimization of impressionable, not yet fully developed people is nothing to play around with. You may not be a victim, but there are good reasons it's not legal without parental consent. It shouldn't be legal period.

So, I won't ask again what the hell your parents were thinking but don't pretend you don't know the reaction you are likely to receive.

jacobsgorgeous

Please, if you're going to be confrontational on this thread, have the decency to send it in a private message at least.

artbyallie

jacobsgorgeous said:

Please, if you're going to be confrontational on this thread, have the decency to send it in a private message at least.

It's not confrontational for someone to respond to something you put out for the entire internet to read. You don't have to like the response, but you can't dictate what it is.

Lilyrose4242

@jacobsgorgeous If you've ever been on any internet discussion boards you should know that confrontation happens. A lot.

I actually agree with @sillygirl45 and I'm glad that she keeps on speaking out about it. If you two are serious about your relationship and know that you two want to get married, you should be able to wait those last few years to get married. Maybe even a bit longer then the legal age. Like my husband and I did. We knew were heading toward marriage at 17 and 21 BUT we waited till we were 20 and 25. (And @sugarplum97 we didn't live together or have sex till marriage so those are not good reasons.) Both my husband and I agree that this was a really good choice because I changed a lot as a person in those few years. As well as learned how to live on my own, pay all my own bills (including insurance), and how to do my own taxes.

Though continuing what Sillygirl45 was getting at originally, there are many cases of child abuse through very young marriages. This is not limited to third world countries but happens more often then not in the USA. Though sugarplum willingly got married many of these young girls are forced into it. So to normalize it would be almost like saying those forced to marry young don't really matter.

The fact that she keeps advertising her age merely seems her attempt to either be accepted or start a fight. I've seen her post on other boards without mention of her age and she fit right in.

Kimbus22

Generally people who feel the need to justify the age at which they got married are probably too immature to deal with marriage for the long haul.

I got married at 23.  Considered young by many.  Looking back on it, I was a baby.  But I don't regret it. I also never felt the need to justify it to anyone.

jacobsgorgeous

I believe that people deserve the right to kindness and decency whether online or or not. Call me naive, I don't care. I enjoy being optimistic. I don't want to have to defend my choice to get married when I did to the people that sincerely don't care one way or the other except to make controversy. Justifying a choice to get married as being reasonable, normal, or even right is not what I want to do because it was my choice and whether or not anybody thinks otherwise I am dedicated to my choice, to my husband, and to my marriage. I'm not going to flake out simply because we hit rough patches and the fact that some people have already on these boards suggested that my marriage vows were improper or meaningless because of my age has upset me. This thread was supposed to attract those that are seeking the same kind of "community" that I am. One that acknowledges it's not our place to judge others that we don't even know in real life, but one that still offers comfort and wanted advice.

Lilyrose4242

@jacobsgorgeous If you're done venting then you can probably see that you're preaching to the choir.

GilliC

If you're only looking for "wanted" advice, you should probably put in your posts what you want people to say. If you just ask for advice, you're probably going to get some that isn't what you're after.

I would suggest appending all posts with "Puppies and rainbows only, please! 8-> "

artbyallie

IMO, it is the epitome of kindness and decency to be concerned that a 16-year-old girl is married to an adult man. That is the kind of situation where there is bound to be or have been some sort of abuse. You wouldn't happen to be FLDS, would you?

jacobsgorgeous

No, I'm not FLDS. Yes showing concern is great, but demeaning her is another. Besides she's already married and she apparently did it with family support. No longer is there anymore possibility of "preventing this tragedy." There's only supporting her in pursuing happiness.

Maybride2

Jacobsgorgeous, maybe you just need to become FB friends with the gangs of How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory, since you already relate to them and their lives so much anyway. You don't need The Nest and all the old fuddy duddies who just don't get your lyfe.

Kimbus22

jacobsgorgeous said:

I believe that people deserve the right to kindness and decency whether online or or not. Call me naive, I don't care. I enjoy being optimistic. I don't want to have to defend my choice to get married when I did to the people that sincerely don't care one way or the other except to make controversy. Justifying a choice to get married as being reasonable, normal, or even right is not what I want to do because it was my choice and whether or not anybody thinks otherwise I am dedicated to my choice, to my husband, and to my marriage. I'm not going to flake out simply because we hit rough patches and the fact that some people have already on these boards suggested that my marriage vows were improper or meaningless because of my age has upset me. This thread was supposed to attract those that are seeking the same kind of "community" that I am. One that acknowledges it's not our place to judge others that we don't even know in real life, but one that still offers comfort and wanted advice.

But my point is that if you're mature enough to get married in the first place, you DON'T have to justify it.  If you feel like you have to justify it, that's on you.  Not on other people.

That said a 16 year old being married to an adult is scary beyond belief. 

jacobsgorgeous

So you're saying that when someone attacks my marriage and my choices without even knowing who I am, I should just brush it off. Ok sure. But maybe I have a little bit more pride in myself, my husband, and our choices. I love being married. I love waking up to him in the morning and working our schedules out with our one car. I love our apartment which is far nice than other apartments I've seen. I even love our gaudy orange couch. And @Lilyrose4242 as you can see the attacks continue and the choir is singing whatever song they want to. Even online I can practically taste the sarcasm.

Sillygirl45

@jacobsgorgeous you are the only one making a big deal about age.

In your other post you asked a question, and were given helpful advice as well as some feedback to think about. There was a nice back and forth conversation going on with everyone giving feed back and you responding...AND THEN...

One person made one comment that maybe if you had waited a bit to get married you wouldn't be dealing with your issue. Which makes total sense considering your H is pining away for his first love ...and that's where you lost it.

You came back justifying your maturity, citing television characters, your finances, and turning the entire focus to your age and maturity. You turned the conversation. 

Then you came here trying to find other like minded individuals who don't want to be "judged". No one was judging your age or maturity until you decided to focus on it. 

As far as our 16 year old, she had been planning her wedding for a year. That means at 15 she came home and said "I'm going to get married". Her parents, church, and everyone who should have been protecting her...instead of saying "Hold on there just a minute...you have your whole life ahead of you. You can at least wait until you are 18." Instead said, "sounds fabulous, let's get planning!". 

FIFTEEN! She was dating him since she was 13. It's not freaking right!

Just because she made this misguided decision and doesn't see herself as a victim doesn't mean I'm going to sit here and watch someone try to justify or normalize it. Children (especially girls) are subjected to disgusting atrocities every day and there are people devoting their lives, and sometimes losing them, to put a stop to it. 

The rights people have fought long and hard for are not something to take lightly.

If you want to complain about the unique issues young wives have (and not hear that maybe this could have been avoided had you grown up a bit before you got married) you're going to have to find something that isn't a public forum. 

GilliC

jacobsgorgeous said:

So you're saying that when someone attacks my marriage and my choices without even knowing who I am, I should just brush it off. Ok sure. But maybe I have a little bit more pride in myself, my husband, and our choices. I love being married. I love waking up to him in the morning and working our schedules out with our one car. I love our apartment which is far nice than other apartments I've seen. I even love our gaudy orange couch. And @Lilyrose4242 as you can see the attacks continue and the choir is singing whatever song they want to. Even online I can practically taste the sarcasm.

That is exactly what we're saying.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt

ReturnOfKuus

GilliC said:

If you're only looking for "wanted" advice, you should probably put in your posts what you want people to say. If you just ask for advice, you're probably going to get some that isn't what you're after.

I would suggest appending all posts with "Puppies and rainbows only, please! 8-> "

http://thatbadadvice.tumblr.com/

Kimbus22

jacobsgorgeous said:

So you're saying that when someone attacks my marriage and my choices without even knowing who I am, I should just brush it off. Ok sure. But maybe I have a little bit more pride in myself, my husband, and our choices. I love being married. I love waking up to him in the morning and working our schedules out with our one car. I love our apartment which is far nice than other apartments I've seen. I even love our gaudy orange couch. And @Lilyrose4242 as you can see the attacks continue and the choir is singing whatever song they want to. Even online I can practically taste the sarcasm.

Yes.  Because if you are truly confident in your decisions, there is no need at all to justify them to someone else.  Justifying your decisions is a reflection of insecurity, not pride.

cloudymeatballs12

Just leave the girl alone. Geez..

sillygoosegirl

I think it's a great idea.  I belonged to a young marrieds online community when I was a young newlywed, and I made some good friends there.  I'd direct you there, but I don't think it exists anymore.  There are places where you can create a semi-private discussion group board.  I wouldn't link it from here, but one of you could take the initiative to set it up and invite others via private messages.  

TarponMonoxide

Sillygirl45 said:

Sugarplum97 said:

jacobsgorgeous said:

I'd want a board where I wouldn't feel like I'd have to defend when I chose to get married. Also to you know MAKE FRIENDS. 

I also want this. I feel like I have to censor what I want to say, becuase if I say anything about my age. I have to defend myself. I want to be able to talk openly, without being told that I am too young to be here, and being asked what kind of parents would let their daughter get married at 16.

You're the one who keeps advertising you're 16. You know perfectly well that is not going to sit well with many people. You're entire premise is being a young (technically child) bride.

Your attempt to normalize being a child bride is what disturbs me. The victimization of impressionable, not yet fully developed people is nothing to play around with. You may not be a victim, but there are good reasons it's not legal without parental consent. It shouldn't be legal period.

So, I won't ask again what the hell your parents were thinking but don't pretend you don't know the reaction you are likely to receive.

16 was fine...5 or 6 generations ago when longevity was not what it is now. That was the reason back then for permitting marriages for very young people: people did not live as long then as they do now.  70 might have been considered "very elderly" back then.

This is not 100 years ago. No parent with their daughter's best interest at heart would permit her to be married at 16. Sorry.

Marriage at this age is the norm in certain religions. You see it all the time when a news story runs where some girl winds up married off to some ulttra-Orthodox Jew -- another kid her age, really.. Notice the bride in one of those groups is never younger than 17 or 18. And the groom is never as young as the bride.

This is the norm in certain religions: young young marriages. It's a different culture...backwards, if you ask me. The only goal there is for a young girl is to marry whatever warm body they find for you and soon thereafer you start pushing out kids. This is all about procreation and making sure the church/temple roles are busting at the seams.

The common bond with these young brides/couples: they all belong to a strict religious congregation. You're not going to see any athiests or 'we only go to church on Christmas and Easter" from the perticipants in this thread.

We are moving backwards, thanks to these ultra religous groups. These groups are now a growing demographic in our country.

They permitted you to drop out of school, too --- or if you are still in school, how does that work for you? Very much doubt you're permitted to be in a conventional classroom school. Very likely you go to a Christian school or you are...surprise surprise...homeschooled. You don't attend the town public high school.

Want friends?

Go somewhere IRL where you can meet friends up close and personal. I am sure there is a ladies' group in your church. Join it.

jacobsgorgeous

@TarponMonoxide To answer one of your questions: she graduated high school and is attending college.

TarponMonoxide

Nor at 16 do you graduate from high school, unless it is very extraordinary circumstances and sorry, I don't think she is in that category.

I only know of 2 16 year old high school grads: one started kindergarten at age 4 and the other was very brilliant --- he sat for a test after his junior year and was able to finish high school that way; he skipped his entire senior year.