DH Can't find enough work...vent (sorry a little long)

formerlyGDaisy09

This is going to be long, I'm feeling frustrated, and no one in my life wants to hear it. 

DH got no support from his family in attending college, his parents wouldn't help him find schools, narrow down a major, pay for school, or cosign any student loans, or help him get advice in how to pay for school (this causes friction between MIL and FIL for me, but that's not the point of this post). He managed to finish about 2 years towards an undergraduate degree, then he could no loger pay for school and books.  he commuted to state school for a semester but didn't finish because of a variety of factors. we're now saddled with about $50K in student loan debt, we are also down to the last $3000 of credit card debt (his 19 year old brain thought it was logical to pay for a ton of school stuff with credit when he couldn't get another loan without a cosigner) we've paid that down from $24,000 two and a half years ago. 

With all this DH has not been able to find more than part-time work. For a long time, with our goal of putting a down payment on a house he worked 3 jobs for 70-80 hours a week and helped us put together a down payment and pay down a lot of things, however obviously he burned out. He got one fantastic part-time job with FedEx that pays him $21 an hour for 25-30 hours a week, however this income barely covers paying off those debts each month, so he had been working another part time job until they let him go when FedEx picked-up around the holidays. now he is struggling to find another part time job. He makes a habit of coming home and spending hours sitting infront of a computer when he's job searching....I feel like that's a place to start, but at some point I feel like he should be going out to these places that have positions posted and talk to them? without a second part time job we're going to have trouble making payments on that credit card debt every month. 

I'm currently working 2 jobs and in graduate school (one of my jobs pays for my school), so I don't think I can do anything else.  I'm feeling like everything we've worked for for the past 4-5 years is slowly slipping away.  I feel so out of control.  I don't want to get angry at DH but I'm so frustrated just watching him sit at his computer for so many hours. 

Disneygeek77

Well I can see how you are frustrated, but with many employers going in isn't going to help.  My husband works for a popular retailer and they get people coming in all the time asking for jobs and they always direct them to the website.  Nothing is done in person anymore, everything is online.  I know for my own job search a few years ago, I didn't bother going in and talking to someone in charge because it was futile.  There was no point.  Every time I tried, I was directed to the website.  

Have you had his resume looked at with a career counselor ?  Could he sign up with a temp agency ?  Unfortunately, the job market still isn't great and even if he did everything possible, it still might take a while for him to get a job, especially because now it is a slow season for many employers.  I know it is where my husband works.  This winter has been hard on them.  

formerlyGDaisy09

this is the 3rd (or 4th?) time he's been job searching in the last 18 months. we've vetted his resume with several career experts. several of the jobs open here say "apply in person", It's taken him a week to even fill out an online application, thats what's frustrating me, he spends more time looking and making lists rather than seeing something he's a fit for and filling out the application. he spent all day yesterday "updating his resume" when we just had it cleaned-up and updated 6 months ago, not much has changed since then. 

he had found a part time job a month ago at a restaurant, but they let him go because it was so slow. it's frustrating, so many jobs require a bachelor's degree. 

TarponMonoxide

Gdaisy09 said:

This is going to be long, I'm feeling frustrated, and no one in my life wants to hear it. 

DH got no support from his family in attending college, his parents wouldn't help him find schools, narrow down a major, pay for school, or cosign any student loans, or help him get advice in how to pay for school (this causes friction between MIL and FIL for me, but that's not the point of this post). He managed to finish about 2 years towards an undergraduate degree, then he could no loger pay for school and books.  he commuted to state school for a semester but didn't finish because of a variety of factors. we're now saddled with about $50K in student loan debt, we are also down to the last $3000 of credit card debt (his 19 year old brain thought it was logical to pay for a ton of school stuff with credit when he couldn't get another loan without a cosigner) we've paid that down from $24,000 two and a half years ago.

You've made incredible progress.

For the rest of the debt, I don't know --- can you see what you can do to contact a financial advisor who specializes in paying off student debt?

It's disgusting what's happened to the cost of education. When I went to uni, $75 a credit was very expensive; the school was one of the most expensive in the state --- and now it seems that the tiniest of no-name colleges are charging as much per year as the larger more well known ones.

And all because they can charge that much! it's as simple as that.

With all this DH has not been able to find more than part-time work. For a long time, with our goal of putting a down payment on a house he worked 3 jobs for 70-80 hours a week and helped us put together a down payment and pay down a lot of things, however obviously he burned out. He got one fantastic part-time job with FedEx that pays him $21 an hour for 25-30 hours a week, however this income barely covers paying off those debts each month, so he had been working another part time job until they let him go when FedEx picked-up around the holidays. now he is struggling to find another part time job. He makes a habit of coming home and spending hours sitting infront of a computer when he's job searching...

.I feel like that's a place to start, but at some point I feel like he should be going out to these places that have positions posted and talk to them?

That would be a waste of time. Why? The only contact for the job may be an email addy that goes into a general mailbox, or a fax number only (and you do a search for the number and no information is found regarding what company the fax number belongs to) or the job contact simply may not want to talk to the person interested in the job.


Without a second part time job we're going to have trouble making payments on that credit card debt every month. 

I'm currently working 2 jobs and in graduate school (one of my jobs pays for my school), so I don't think I can do anything else.  I'm feeling like everything we've worked for for the past 4-5 years is slowly slipping away.  I feel so out of control.  I don't want to get angry at DH but I'm so frustrated just watching him sit at his computer for so many hours. 

Job hunting is rough enough and when you have a sword of Damocles called "student debt" hanging over your head it's worse.

Blame the education cartel for the big push for "everyone" to go to college--- I would not advise a high school junior or senior to go to college --- it isn't what it used to be.  There simply are very few jobs when one graduates. There's a guy I know who graduated from college with an education degree 3 years ago and he still has the same low paying no-beneifts job as a classroom aide. Another grad from 3 years ago has a finance degree and only contract jobs as a result.

College is also NOT for everyone. College also is not for most students -- if you don't have the aptitude or maturity you do not belong in a university. Most students are there because the onus is "if your kid doesn't go to college he or she must be a real dunce."

(I would only advise college if there is a career that requires an undergrad degree: engineering, physician, vet or something else professional where a degree is a must.  I say trade school is one's best bet these days --- you can still go to college later on -- and we will always need electricians, carpenters, woodworkers/millworkers, tech people of all kinds, cosmeticians, hairstilysts, seamstresses/tailors, etc)

Tofumonkey

what does your husband actually want to do as a career long term? Can he work toward that? Can he get into a trade with n apprenticeship program?

You may find your husband to be better motivated when he gets off the hamster wheel of random part time jobs and is working toward something he sees as a sustainable future.

formerlyGDaisy09

One of the main problems is that there are simply not jobs in this area that pay well that don't require a BA, unless it's a trade where trade school provides the necessary skills. he's been working Tuesday-Saturday from 3am-8 or 9am, 2nd and 3rd shift positions seem to be the only thing available to him, and that schedule for the past 3 years has been really hard on our relationship.

DH loves his part-time job in management, and that job does provide tuition reimbursement, he has found several community college programs localy that offer BA/BS in management, so he is applying to those programs, and based on what he has learned so far tuition reimbursement would pay for most of it.  

It's mainly this short term problem of not bringing in enough month-to-month to continue to avoid interest on the credit card debt. We've cut back where we can, I just canceled my hair appointment that was this week, and although I LOVE cooking I cut back on ingredients in my weekly shopping trip and stocked up on pasta, rice, frozen veggies...etc. we've worked so hard to cut back on unnecessary things so that we could afford a vacation and pay down debts faster there really aren't other places I can cut things.  we don't have cable, I've turned the thermostat down as low as I can bear, I took the dog out of agility class for the next few months.  I'm frustrated by the idea of dipping into our e-fund to make it work. 

the reality is that if we can make it to July things will pick-up. I've had to pay taxes on the grant I receive from my employer to pay for my MS program, which amounts to about $400 a month, I'll be done with that once I graduate in June. I have a 3% raise built into my contract for July 1st, and DH is up for a raise at his part time position in June. 

I was on the verge of tears in the grocery store today, it just feels like it can all fall apart so easily. 

PnkBride

Has he spoken with FedEx about going full time?  Maybe take on another position in the company that would be full time?

formerlyGDaisy09

He has spoken with FedEx there isn't enough volume at their terminal to go full time, his best option for full time would be to take a position at a branch 90 minutes from our house. I did the math, we'd spend most of the extra money on gas.

formerlyGDaisy09

Ok, so where have people found success in the past? H is checking the classifieds, Monster.com, our local help wanted website...is there somewhere else he should look? he's directly searching the employment listings at the 3 biggest employers in our area. 

I've had to pull ~$800 from our e-fund this month and even cutting back on groceries, gas, and not eating out next month we're going to be about $1000 short. 

we're meeting with our accountant next week and I'm praying for a decent tax return so we can take care of a couple debts and reduce our monthly needs a bit, but that will only partially solve our problem. 

daisy662

Am I reading it right that he incurred $50k in student loan debt plus $24k in cc debt to pay for college related expenses and he doesn't even have any type of degree, not even an associates? Wow that's crazy... Careerbuilder.com is a monster type website to try. Also, he should go to your local DOL or one stop agency. They can help him ensure his resume looks good and help him find jobs. Good luck!

formerlyGDaisy09

daisy662 said:

Am I reading it right that he incurred $50k in student loan debt plus $24k in cc debt to pay for college related expenses and he doesn't even have any type of degree, not even an associates? Wow that's crazy... Careerbuilder.com is a monster type website to try. Also, he should go to your local DOL or one stop agency. They can help him ensure his resume looks good and help him find jobs. Good luck!

Yes you are reading that right...this is what happens when parents take no interest in their children's education and don't know where to go to find information.  They wouldn't cosign loans...so at a certain point H couldn't get any more loans. and they wouldn't allow him to emancipate himself from them so their income and home equity got factored into his finanicial aid package.  he got no guidance in selecting majors, minors, etc. most his classes are in business...but a lot are also in really specialized arts-based things so don't count towards an associates. he didn't finish because he couldn't get any more money to pay for it. 

The career advisor in my master's program and I have combed over his resume to make sure it's in really good shape.  we live in a really rural area, most the jobs on Monster are 90-120 mins from our home, but he's checking everyday.  Closest DOL office is more than an hour from our house, but that's not a bad idea, if he still hasn't found anything and can get a day off from his PT position I'll suggest he makes a trip there. 

Sillygirl45

What is he qualified for? What is his long term plan? I've found a couple jobs on Monster. I also get emails from the largest employer in the area (it's a health system) that lists recent job postings. Many places have job postings on their own sites instead of using the paper or other outlets (I know my company does). Depending on the size of the area you're in, I don't think going through the phone book to get ideas of places to google and look for job postings is a terrible idea. He might be surprised at what he could qualify for. Also look on county/city websites. The government has jobs you never knew existed. 

It seems one of your biggest problems is the area you live in just doesn't have much opportunity. 

I know you said your post isn't about this but I really think you need to stop blaming his parents for his poor choices. Parents finances are factored into your financial aid until you're 25 no matter what (unless that has changed). 

My parents didn't help me with anything. I had to figure it all out myself (and I didn't get any financial help from my parents or the government). It sucked, but if my H was being crappy about it, I'd be really pissed and hurt. Your H isn't unique. Plenty of people can't get help paying for school. Plenty of people have to figure it out themselves. Not everyone ends up bogged down in massive debt. 

Once your H was in college, he didn't take advantage of the resources available to him. That's on him. I'm sure you know all this, I just hate to see you upset with his parents about something they can't do anything about now and isn't completely their fault. 

I think a big part of your frustration is you're working your ass off to dig out of a hole you didn't create. I do not blame you one bit. I'd be pissed too if I were doing what you are for H to stare at the computer and "plan" to find a better job. 

Good luck and don't feel like you're losing ground. You'll get there. You've come so far!

formerlyGDaisy09

Sillygirl45 said:

What is he qualified for? What is his long term plan? I've found a couple jobs on Monster. I also get emails from the largest employer in the area (it's a health system) that lists recent job postings. Many places have job postings on their own sites instead of using the paper or other outlets (I know my company does). Depending on the size of the area you're in, I don't think going through the phone book to get ideas of places to google and look for job postings is a terrible idea. He might be surprised at what he could qualify for. Also look on county/city websites. The government has jobs you never knew existed. 

He's qualified for management, he actually has quite a bit of experience doing quality improvement work (I finally added that keyword to his resume two weeks ago and he's gotten more interviews). he is checking the HR websites at the largest employers in the area (a University and Health system) unfortunately most jobs there require a bachelor's degree.  The only thing that pays some one without a BA more than minimum wage to start are jobs that are 2nd or 3rd shift, which don't work with the PT position he has that pays $21/hour (so he really can't let that go!) He doesn't really have a long term plan, he does plan to finish a BA or BS in business and management...but beyond that he has no clue. This is another source of anxiety for me...I can't imagine starting a family while he is still "figuring out what he wants to do with his life". 

It seems one of your biggest problems is the area you live in just doesn't have much opportunity. 

YES, most jobs that pay more than $8 an hour require a bachelor's degree...plenty of opportunities if you have a BA/BS or higher level degree 

I know you said your post isn't about this but I really think you need to stop blaming his parents for his poor choices. Parents finances are factored into your financial aid until you're 25 no matter what (unless that has changed). 

This may be true, I got help from my parents and managed the rest with loans, so I don't really know. His parents spent $30K a year to send him to private high school then told him college was a waste of time and money. (actually my first conversation with FIL involved him telling me my BS in Chemistry was a waste of money...so that's a whole other issue)

My parents didn't help me with anything. I had to figure it all out myself (and I didn't get any financial help from my parents or the government). It sucked, but if my H was being crappy about it, I'd be really pissed and hurt. Your H isn't unique. Plenty of people can't get help paying for school. Plenty of people have to figure it out themselves. Not everyone ends up bogged down in massive debt. 

I imagine if he approached paying for college like he has his job search he ended up with lists of granst, scholarships, and subsidized loans, and then missed the application deadlines and ended up with what he could get in unsubsidized loans (he actually didn't know there was a difference until I explained it to him a few months ago) I rarely talk about his debt like this with him, he already feels bad enough that he didn't do more research before taking the loans or racking up his credit card, and that that debt has held us back. 

Once your H was in college, he didn't take advantage of the resources available to him. That's on him. I'm sure you know all this, I just hate to see you upset with his parents about something they can't do anything about now and isn't completely their fault. 

This is true, and I know a lot of the CC debt was for sports equipment and late-night pizza, that's totally on him.

I think a big part of your frustration is you're working your ass off to dig out of a hole you didn't create. I do not blame you one bit. I'd be pissed too if I were doing what you are for H to stare at the computer and "plan" to find a better job. 

Yes! I worked so hard to limit the SL debt I took on, Lived within my means to avoid CC debt. all that and I'm feeling really burried right now. All my friends are headed to our College reunion in June, and I think I'm going to have to bail because it's basically a $500 weekend and we can't swing that. He's missed a few jobs because rather than working up a cover letter and sending in his resume, he put it on a list for the next day and then the ad disappeared and he didn't have the e-mail or job description (I told him to send his resume in anyways if he could find an e-mail...but he hasn't)

Good luck and don't feel like you're losing ground. You'll get there. You've come so far!

Thank you! I've been really depressed the past few weeks because I feel so overwhelmed.  He's had 3 interviews this week and 2-3 the week before, but no one is in a rush to hire. I've been so stressed about this I've had persistent migraines for the past week and a half. I think there is a bath and a glass of wine in my future this weekend. 

Sillygirl45

Oh honey! We're all qualified for management in our minds (and maybe even in real life, but that's not where we get to start out). I so understand where you're coming from. I'm an "I'll do whatever I have to" person. I think you are too. 

I'm a nurse..so...I've been puked and shit on (literally), bitten, yelled at, and all sorts of what you can imagine as horrible. I have a hard time with people who just can't get a job. You can always get a good paying job as an aide. It sucks, but you still get paid well for a relatively limited education commitment. 

I am so sorry you're dealing with this. Good luck!

nursecramer

Gdaisy09 said:

It seems one of your biggest problems is the area you live in just doesn't have much opportunity. 

YES, most jobs that pay more than $8 an hour require a bachelor's degree...plenty of opportunities if you have a BA/BS or higher level degree 

I know you said your post isn't about this but I really think you need to stop blaming his parents for his poor choices. Parents finances are factored into your financial aid until you're 25 no matter what (unless that has changed). 

This may be true, I got help from my parents and managed the rest with loans, so I don't really know. His parents spent $30K a year to send him to private high school then told him college was a waste of time and money. (actually my first conversation with FIL involved him telling me my BS in Chemistry was a waste of money...so that's a whole other issue)

Well if it wasn't, then why are you still in school instead of starting a career with decent earning potential? What are you going to grad school for? Chemistry is a tough tough field these days.

It sucks that you're both working so hard and feel like you're not making progress, but it seems like you're still blaming external factors for your choices instead of realistically looking at what you can change to take control of the situation.

formerlyGDaisy09

nursecramer said:

Gdaisy09 said:

It seems one of your biggest problems is the area you live in just doesn't have much opportunity. 

YES, most jobs that pay more than $8 an hour require a bachelor's degree...plenty of opportunities if you have a BA/BS or higher level degree 

I know you said your post isn't about this but I really think you need to stop blaming his parents for his poor choices. Parents finances are factored into your financial aid until you're 25 no matter what (unless that has changed). 

This may be true, I got help from my parents and managed the rest with loans, so I don't really know. His parents spent $30K a year to send him to private high school then told him college was a waste of time and money. (actually my first conversation with FIL involved him telling me my BS in Chemistry was a waste of money...so that's a whole other issue)

Well if it wasn't, then why are you still in school instead of starting a career with decent earning potential? What are you going to grad school for? Chemistry is a tough tough field these days.

It sucks that you're both working so hard and feel like you're not making progress, but it seems like you're still blaming external factors for your choices instead of realistically looking at what you can change to take control of the situation.

I worked in Chemistry for several years doing research at a large medical institution, I made decent money and had lots of opportunities to advance.  I got more interested in the person/patient side of research and am getting my masters in Healthcare Research to be more qualified to continue doing research but also to be able to do more grant writing and branch into clinical/human subjects research...my BS in Chemistry/research has been an important step in getting where I am/where I am going. The best part is that my job pays for most of my tuition (I have to pay some taxes on it), I would never be where I am if it were not for my Chemistry Degree. 

I managed to get a job in June 2009, while many of my non-science classmates were unemployed for 6 months to a year, while the pay is nowhere near where it was when I started my bachelor's degree at least I have had steady/stable work with opportunities to advance since I graduated. 

formerlyGDaisy09

Sillygirl45 said:

Oh honey! We're all qualified for management in our minds (and maybe even in real life, but that's not where we get to start out). I so understand where you're coming from. I'm an "I'll do whatever I have to" person. I think you are too. 

 He actually has about 8 years experience in management positions and has great references from his current boss at FedEx where his is an operations manager.  He has excuted a series of quality improvement project to improve the efficiency of the morning package sort-distribution at his terminal. I've considered seeing if any of the local bars would hire me to tend bar, although I'm not sure that I could balance that with school right now...but you're right I'm a do what you have to person, I worked 3 jobs all through college and continue to work 2 while I'm in grad school.  I'm not sure how to motivate H anymore. 

I'm a nurse..so...I've been puked and shit on (literally), bitten, yelled at, and all sorts of what you can imagine as horrible. I have a hard time with people who just can't get a job. You can always get a good paying job as an aide. It sucks, but you still get paid well for a relatively limited education commitment. 

H actually considered nursing school for a while (another point of frustration...he can't make-up his mind about what he wants to do), he isn't sure about that anymore, but his inability to land a job (and make it past the electronic application wall at the largest employers in the area) makes me think that in the fall he needs to take the $2400/year FedEx will give him for tuition and finish his bachelors online (found a school that charges $200/month for online courses for a BS in Business and Management) then he can check the little box that says bachelor's degree on his application and make it past the automatic filters. in the mean time he needs to find the few positions out there that do not require a bachelor's degree.  This area is so saturated with people with higher-level degrees it's hard to find even aide positions that don't require a nursing degree.  both major hospitals near us just implemented a policy that they only hire BSNs...so there are tons of RNs and LNAs who are looking for work. 

I am so sorry you're dealing with this. Good luck!

formerlyGDaisy09

I'm having another frustrating night with this! I have a final exam due tomorrow I've already spent 10 hours working on it and I'm about 85% done with it. 

H is so wrapped up in this job search thing nothing got done at our house today, so when I got home the dog needed a walk (clearly I'm the one who took her). then H couldn't be bothered to make dinner (I even told him at this point I'd be OK with nachos, i just need to get this exam done). 

now he's watching a movie and the dog keeps barking at me and all he does is yell at her from the living room. 

I just want to cry, but that's not going to help me get this exam done. 

ugh vent over, making a KONG for dog, then back to the books. 

Sillygirl45

Gdaisy09 said:

I'm having another frustrating night with this! I have a final exam due tomorrow I've already spent 10 hours working on it and I'm about 85% done with it. 

H is so wrapped up in this job search thing nothing got done at our house today, so when I got home the dog needed a walk (clearly I'm the one who took her). then H couldn't be bothered to make dinner (I even told him at this point I'd be OK with nachos, i just need to get this exam done). 

now he's watching a movie and the dog keeps barking at me and all he does is yell at her from the living room. 

I just want to cry, but that's not going to help me get this exam done. 

ugh vent over, making a KONG for dog, then back to the books. 

Ok, you guys have problems that extend beyond this job situation.

He was not actually job hunting all day long to the point of being unable to take the dog for a walk or make dinner...you know that. 

The problem here is he's being lazy and irresponsible and you're fed up. The job issue is an excuse. If he had his shit together and just genuinely couldn't find a job, you wouldn't be this upset with him and you wouldn't feel that you need to take over figuring out his future because he obviously can't be trusted to do it. 

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I would suggest counseling, but I have a feeling you probably literally do not have time for that right now. Ya know, it's ok to think about what your long term plan is if he doesn't get his act together.

formerlyGDaisy09

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I would suggest counseling, but I have a feeling you probably literally do not have time for that right now. Ya know, it's ok to think about what your long term plan is if he doesn't get his act together.

we've been in counseling, but it's been a month since the last time we went because my work schedule began conflicting with our usual slot and now our counselor is booked until the beginning of April. 

I think I needed the walk with the dog. but you're right I'm fed-up being the bossy wife, and I'm fed up with coming home to find that H hasn't done anything, besides apply to a handful of jobs. to give him some credit he has a second interview on thursday.

in all honesty, I'm really angry right now. I wish there weren't a foot and a half of snow on the ground so I could go down to the driving range and hit a bucket of balls. 

Sillygirl45

Sounds like you're doing the best you can. You'll get there. Good luck on your exam. 

And since you mentioned it, the snow has to melt sometime...right? Please tell me the snow will melt eventually...it can't just stay like this...right? Agh! The weather isn't helping anyone's mood!

formerlyGDaisy09

**Sigh** 18 pages and 19 graphs later my final exam is submitted 

going to take a bath  

I'm going to hope H's interview thursday leads to a job offer, ironically he is much more productive at home when he's working more. 

jtmh2012

Gdaisy09 said:

I'm going to hope H's interview thursday leads to a job offer, ironically he is much more productive at home when he's working more. 

Sounds like the job thing is affecting his self-esteem/morale and causing him to lose motivation for doing anything.

formerlyGDaisy09

Sounds like the job thing is affecting his self-esteem/morale and causing him to lose motivation for doing anything.

I think this is probably the case, it's affecting my morale too, trying to be supportive without getting annoyed is exhausting!