Trouble in Paradise
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Not sure what to do anymore...
For the past year or so my husband has changed. Little background: I am the only one working. I work 3 12 hour shifts a week. He stays home with our child. He was his idea to quit his job when she was born. i am gone from work 6:30am-7:30-8pm.
Everyday I am at work I get texts from him complaining and critisizing me. This continues even when I get home. As soon as I step in our front door it starts. Things like "you left a sock on the bathroom floor" "where the F*** is her hairbrush" to why can;t you do anything right? Also most nights I come home at 8pm and he hasn't fed or bathe our child. Its her bedtime! So I have to scrabble to get her dinner made and give her a bath. Keep in mind I only work 3 days a week! He is also wanting me to pick up more hours. so when I do he complains that he has to do everything around the house.
I have brought this up that I feel he is belittling me and it hurts. He then turns it around about himself saying that is so rude and mean of me to say and will storm off. NOt sure where to go from here. I have suggested counceling but he says that is the step before divorce.
Re: Not sure what to do anymore...
Well, for one, I'd say that his being a SAHD isn't working out so well. If he can't handle 3 days of it, and then speaks to you like that? THEN he doesn't feed her at night? That would truly make me concerned about what he does during the day.
This is NOT A HEALTHY ENVIRONMENT. HOnestly, talk to a lawyer. At a minimum, I'd be looking at separating WHILE you go to counseling. If he says no to counseling, well then.... that's on him. But really- the speaking to you like that (and in front of your DD???) is unacceptable and you need to get your DD away from it.
But your marriage isn't going to last w/ the path you're presently on.
I wish you luck. I hope you have a support network at least?
He's being even m ore childish than your kiddo!
You've got a few problems on your hands and I'm speaking from experience as a working mum with a stay at home husband/dad.
First off - if you are only working 3 days a week, but finances are tight. Why isn't he working part time as well, or you looking for something full time? It just seems a bit strange to have two parents home for 4 days a week but finances still tight.
Secondly - sometimes my husband won't have fed the kids by the time I get home (7:00) because we eat late and like to have dinner together, and I like to take part in the bedtime routine. So I come home at 7 and we cook dinner together or he has it ready (or nearly ready) and then we can eat as a family. Any chance that was his intention?
Thirdly - the nasty texts and way he speaks to you is completely, completely inappropriate, uncalled for and unacceptable. How do you respond to this? Do you tell him where the hairbrush is? Do you call him out for his behavior? Do you respond with 'why would you say such a thing to me?' or 'why are you calling me about this while I am at work?' or 'why would you treat me like this?' - pose it as a question and demand a suitable response.
Fourthly - why exactly is he a stay at home dad? Does he enjoy it? What does he do as a dad other than to just keep his daughter alive until you get home? What engaging stuff is he doing during the day with her or for himself?
Based on just your post this sounds like a pretty horrid relationship to be in. I'd strongly suggest that the two of you either go to counseling or you separate and call it quits. Even just separate for awhile - see if life is better working your three days a week, paying for a babysitter or childminder and then NOT having anyone belittle, bully or treat you like crap. See if there is a difference in your daughter. Might be worth it.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
My daughter is way too young to go to bed so late. She is preschool age.
I totally get that you're working full-time, and your H should be too, when he's at home with your daughter. I still want to know what he's like on the days that you're home. Do you both stay home those four days? Do you get along? Does he pull his weights as far as childcare and house stuff goes?
I can understand he is stressed but he needs to learn how to not take it out on you.