need advice

Mommyof2littleones

My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years.  In those years there are more unhappiness than happiness.  we have two kids together.  When we were first dating, I was blindly in love and didn't pay attention to whether he loves me back or respecting and caring for me at all.  everyday after that I saw the real him, who doesn't keep his promises, selfish, and careless.  of all the flaws he has some attributes in that he works hard to provide for our family and most of the time cooks for us.  However, on his spare time he would play his video game for hours and hours until bedtime.  I crave for emotional support and love.  I want him to spent quality time with me and my kids.  I want to have meaningful conversations with him.  I sat down and talked to him and me wanting him to spend quality time with us and he promised he would.  However, he never fulfilled his promise.  He is obsessed with his game and can never quit it.  We hardly cuddled or being intimate because of that.  He never took the time to be with me.  I feel so lonely in this relationship.  I thought that I married to my best friend, someone I can share my feelings with and able to communicate.  we don't have good communications, he never understand my needs and wants and never on the same page about anything.  I have tried to do my part but never get any result from it, so I stopped trying.  I feel that he doesn't respect me and my needs.  I want to be out from this relationship but I couldn't.  Our religious backgrounds doesn't grant divorce and we have kids together.  I don't want to see them without a father.  but the more I am in this relationship, the more depress I get.  I asked him to go to family counseling and he said we don't need it.  I have tried everything and ready to give up.  What should I do now? I am so frustrated.

cloudymeatballs12

Throw out the video games.

cloudymeatballs12

No, I am really sorry you are going thru this, but I swear I probably would get rid of his video games. Lol, then he has to spend quality time with you rather than with the darn video games. I am so thankful my H isn't a video game fan. Whew. I do hear this often and sadly it does seem to cause lots of problems. For the woman. He, being a silly man, doesn't get it. Try to tell him and talk to him, again and tell him, can we at least have an hour, or however long you'd like to talk and catch up before he starts on the games. Then he still gets to play and you can get your time. A little compromise. That is what marriage is about. You each get what you need. .

ReturnOfKuus

I would rethink a religion that would have you stay in this kind of loneliness.

doeydo

Mommyof2littleones said: My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years.  In those years there are more unhappiness than happiness.  we have two kids together.  When we were first dating, I was blindly in love and didn't pay attention to whether he loves me back or respecting and caring for me at all.  everyday after that I saw the real him, who doesn't keep his promises, selfish, and careless.  of all the flaws he has some attributes in that he works hard to provide for our family and most of the time cooks for us.  However, on his spare time he would play his video game for hours and hours until bedtime.  I crave for emotional support and love.  I want him to spent quality time with me and my kids.  I want to have meaningful conversations with him.  I sat down and talked to him and me wanting him to spend quality time with us and he promised he would.  However, he never fulfilled his promise.  He is obsessed with his game and can never quit it.  We hardly cuddled or being intimate because of that.  He never took the time to be with me.  I feel so lonely in this relationship.  I thought that I married to my best friend, someone I can share my feelings with and able to communicate.  we don't have good communications, he never understand my needs and wants and never on the same page about anything.  I have tried to do my part but never get any result from it, so I stopped trying.  I feel that he doesn't respect me and my needs.  I want to be out from this relationship but I couldn't.  Our religious backgrounds doesn't grant divorce and we have kids together.  I don't want to see them without a father.  but the more I am in this relationship, the more depress I get.  I asked him to go to family counseling and he said we don't need it.  I have tried everything and ready to give up.  What should I do now? I am so frustrated.
 
Edited because quote boxes aren't working...
Leave him.  It is not healthy and you are not happy.  Do your want your kids to grow up thinking that marriage isn't for love and that all the things you listed that you wanted but aren't getting from your husband is not normal or important in relationships?  Honestly, a divorce won't leave the kids 'without a father', it doesn't kill him for goodness sake's.  Right now you are a nuclear family (mom & dad together, plus kids) but there are many other types of families and unless he is abusive or neglectful, he would still see the kids/have them over at his house.  Your lawyers would talk and you would all come to some sort of agreement on a time schedule.  Also, you say that your 'religious backgrounds' don't agree with divorce.  Do you mean just the way you were raised or what you truly believe? 

VOR

You really want to raise your kids in a house where the dad just sits there and plays video games?  Spends no time w/ them or w/ their mother?  You really want them to learn that this is "normal"? 

Because this is what they are learning.  right now. 

My DS is only 5 but I can already see how he's picking things up that DH and I do.  Luckily, mostly good (manners, showing affection for one another).  But seriously- if you stay based on "religion" or because you don't want them to "not have a father", THIS is what they are learning.

Great- they have a dad.  Who sits there and does nothing and spends no time w/ them.  Yeah, wow, that sounds great.

Why not show them that their mother wants better for them?  Thta they deserve more?  Tht they are worth fighting for? 

moonprincessd

Kids with parents that are married and hate each other are better off having one parent who loves them and is happy on her own. 

Is your religion that important? More important than your happiness, your kid's happiness? Your kids are going to be emotionally scarred if you stay in this crappy relationship. They'll end up with their own relationship issues or maybe avoid relationships. 

I suggest getting rid the video games, counseling - if he doesn't want to go, then go by yourself, or just leave and don't care about what your religion thinks.

Sillygirl45

You need to rethink your religion and this marriage. 

Everyone is entitled to their beliefs and opinions, but I will never understand how someone can believe there is a higher being who put them on this earth to be miserable.

Leftie22

Sillygirl45 said:

You need to rethink your religion and this marriage. 

Everyone is entitled to their beliefs and opinions, but I will never understand how someone can believe there is a higher being who put them on this earth to be miserable.

This. And would your religion approve of a man who doesn't spend time with his wife and children? Who doesn't have to be any kind of a father? Please don't let your kids learn that this behavior is okay.

TarponMonoxide

Mommyof2littleones said:

My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years.  In those years there are more unhappiness than happiness.  we have two kids together.  When we were first dating, I was blindly in love and didn't pay attention to whether he loves me back or respecting and caring for me at all. 

I suspect it is possible he never cared and when he showed signs of not caring, you needed to say goodbye.

everyday after that I saw the real him, who doesn't keep his promises, selfish, and careless.  of all the flaws he has some attributes in that he works hard to provide for our family and most of the time cooks for us. 

Yippee for him. Ain't he just wonderful.

However, on his spare time he would play his video game for hours and hours until bedtime.  I crave for emotional support and love. 

Break the damn video game!

I want him to spent quality time with me and my kids.  I want to have meaningful conversations with him.  I sat down and talked to him and me wanting him to spend quality time with us and he promised he would.  However, he never fulfilled his promise.

Can't you see what you have here? A great big nothing. His character is zero. I don't think there is anything here for you or the kiddoes.

 He is obsessed with his game and can never quit it. 

Break the game...and it is possible to be addicted to a video game. And since an addiiction of any kind is a dealbreaker, leave his ass.

We hardly cuddled or being intimate because of that.  He never took the time to be with me.  I feel so lonely in this relationship.  I thought that I married to my best friend, someone I can share my feelings with and able to communicate.  we don't have good communications, he never understand my needs and wants and never on the same page about anything.  I have tried to do my part but never get any result from it, so I stopped trying.  I feel that he doesn't respect me and my needs.  I want to be out from this relationship but I couldn't.  Our religious backgrounds doesn't grant divorce and we have kids together.  I don't want to see them without a father.

Uh, he IS no father. Not in my opinion!

 but the more I am in this relationship, the more depress I get.  I asked him to go to family counseling and he said we don't need it.  I have tried everything and ready to give up.  What should I do now? I am so frustrated.

In Biblical times, divorces happened!

Any cleric worth his or her salt will tell you that your H is not doing his part as a husband and that he is indeed forsaking YOU. The vow is "forsaking all others" -- how are you being put first in this sad excuse of a relationship?

Please don't let religion take precedence over the well being and happiness of you and the kids. Ha -- he is so religious that the vow "Forsaking all others" is shot to hell!

There is no such thing as a religion that does not grant divorce. For the record, what religion are  you and your H?

Perhaps it is time to explore another religion that is more open minded and is more accepting. What do you think?

Go to a civil court and get this marriage dissolved!

Get rid of him and do it today.

jessiray

Just wanted to give a "kids" prospective on this... My parents divorced a few years ago, but I can remember asking my mom every once in a while when I was really young if she and my dad were going to get a divorce. Honestly, I was so happy for both of them when they told me (they divorced while I was in college). I could tell that neither of my parents were completely happy, and that really was stressful for me growing up. Now, my parents are with other people, and I love both of their SOs. I really wish that they would have divorced earlier. Traveling back and forth between my parents might have been difficult, but I internalized so much of their unhappiness as being something that *I* caused. In my experience, I think "staying together for the kids" is a horrible reason to stay together. Kids can sense more than you think...