Would you go? (br - Shower)

brij2006

My good friend from school is having a baby shower on Saturday. This is for her 2nd child. She had her first while we were in High School, and she's 8. This one is a boy. We grew up going to the same babysitters and lived only a mile from each other. So we've been friends forever and still chat occasionally.

But here's my issues with it. #1 It's her 2nd and they're having a shower for her. #2 I was invited through a Facebook event. Not even an actual invite. #3 She is listed as the host on the event and it's at her house, even though her other friend is the one who's responding to comments and posting times and information. #4 Another friend from our group is pregnant and due at the same time. They've both been posting of how they can't wait to take a picture of our "group" being pregnant together. Then proceeded to tag me in the coversation that they wish H and I would've gotten on it and been pregnant with them so our group could have pregnant pictures together. Um, I technically would be right now, but they don't know that.

Would you go?

Part of me doesn't even want to deal with it, but another part of me wants to be supportive of her and be there.

ILoveRedVino

I'd pop in and give a gift and hugs (because 8 years apart is a long time, I don't judge the second shower). The rest of it is tacky, and I would be pissed about the comment, so I would say I had other plans and not stay for more than 10 minutes.

LooneyLife

If you want to wish her well and can emotionally handle it, then go. If you can't emotionally handle it, then don't go.

callitcompulsive

I'm with ILRV, I might be inclined to buy something off a registry and maybe have it shipped to her house (can you do registry shopping online?) since she's a friend, but I probably wouldn't go. Especially after that group comment.

nightmare_of_beauty

I wouldn't be able to do it after that pregnant comment. I would be so mad after that comment I would have to calm down before I could even think about a gift. 

amandaf6383

I would send a gift off the registry with a nice note. I wouldn't go because fuuuuuuck that.

poppies717

As usual, I agree with @amandaf6383

Xan921

If you consider her a good friend then I'd go. Yeah the pregnancy tagging/comment was really stupid but if she doesn't know your struggles then she was probably just trying to be funny. We know it's not funny or cute but most fertile people wouldn't see the issue with it ya know?

I'm not hating on the shower for a second baby when there is that big of a gap. If her other kid was like 4 then Id side eye it but 8 years is a long time and she probably doesn't have much baby stuff anymore.

So I think you should go if emotionally/mentally you can handle it. If not, then I'd at least send a gift.

brij2006

amandaf6383 said:

I would send a gift off the registry with a nice note. I wouldn't go because fuuuuuuck that.

Hahahaha.  I love you!

I'm okay with going in general, but I don't want to have to answer why we aren't pregnant yet or when we're going to have kids.  This isn't the classiest of group, and I know the questions are going to be asked.  Maybe I'll just go and be blunt about it and say that we'll have kids when my ovaries start making them, and my ute stops killing them.  That should shut them up.

Sorry, I'm snarky today.

Xan921

That's honestly what I tell people now. If someone asks why we don't have kids or when we are going to have kids I either respond with "my body doesn't work" or "when I start dropping some eggs". I got really tired of the nice responses fast so now I'm just bluntly honest with people. It'll shut people up really fast.

mrshall1027

I know that comment is pretty crappy, but (playing devils advocate here) your friend just doesn't realize everything that you've been through.  As far as the second shower goes, it's been a while since she had one and I'd be surprised if anyone kept baby stuff for that long.  And the way you were invited is tacky, but if I decided based on the invite whether or not I'd go to an event, I wouldn't go to over half of them.

If you can handle it emotionally, then go, especially since you've been friends for so long.

Flamingo86

I would not go.

nfp147

I think people get their panties in a knot a little too much about FB invitations.  Yes, FB invites are tacky for a wedding.  But, for a baby shower, especially if you are trying to get together a bunch of people you don't know well or you don't have contact information for, I don't think it's a bad idea.  I don't expect a paper invite in the mail for anything short of a wedding. 

I would probably go, and I would keep in mind that they are uneducated jerks that don't have any idea what you are going through.  I would try to keep that in mind and not make things awkward for the mom to be by being blunt in response to rude questions; however I would certainly educate them in private afterwards.  

But...If you don't think you can handle it emotionally, then I would just send a gift and claim to already have plans.

RockABye

I'd probably go but not stay for very long. Since the first kid was so long ago, she probably doesn't have much and even if so, eh.. whatever. Throwing the shower herself is weird, but again... whatever. I'd stay, give my gift and a hug, then leave. I wouldn't want to regret not going someday down the line, but that's just me. If you don't think you'd regret it, then stay home!

sgautschi

I don't see anything wrong with a second baby shower, but maybe that's because it's common in my family to have a shower for every baby. We see it more as a way to celebrate the baby than the new mom. Having said that though, I would never expect one.

As for the FB invite, I actually did this for my shower. I was the "host" on FB because I was the only one who had everyone that was invited as a FB friend, but my mom answered all the questions and was the real host. We set out real invites too though.

Having said that, I don't know if I would go or not. It depends on you. If you think you can emotionally handle it, than I think you should stop by for a bit, since she is an old friend. Don't feel obligated though just because she's a friend. I'm sure you'll make the right decision for you.

BruinsBabe33

*nope squid gif*

islandmonkey8

for @bruinsbabe33

Aimothy

I wouldn't go to the shower, but I would absolutely get my friend an awesome gift and drop it off before hand and explain to her that it's just not a time where I can put on a happy face and I don't want to take away from her special day. 

But I'm a bitter, so take that with a grain of salt.

KonaCoffeeBean

I'm on team send regrets and a gift.

LittleLady77

I wasn't able to go to baby showers. I voted no but then I read ILRV's comment and liked that better. If I was local I would go that route.

amandaf6383

Aimothy said:

But I'm a bitter, so take that with a grain of salt.

Bitter is the best. ;-)

MrsAshleyH10

I wouldn't go, but I'd still send a gift and an invite for lunch sometime.

cloudymeatballs12

I probably wouldn't go either. I would definitely send a gift and a card and then maybe get together with just her a little later.

rccola1981

It depends on a number of factors, I have a church shower on Sunday. I am leaning towards not going and just sending my gift, but part of my decision is that I really can't eat any of the food they are having.

Flamingo86

FFC: the last time I was invited to a baby shower I did not go or send a gift or even RSVP. I ripped the invitation to shreds at the mailbox.

Granted, the mom-to-be had been a complete peach in the months prior and I wanted nothing to do with her or her shower.

Aimothy

Flamingo86 said:

FFC: the last time I was invited to a baby shower I did not go or send a gift or even RSVP. I ripped the invitation to shreds at the mailbox. Granted, the mom-to-be had been a complete peach in the months prior and I wanted nothing to do with her or her shower.

The only shower I've been to in the last four years has been one for my SIL, that I was helping throw. When you make your bitter known, no one invites you! Win. Win.

DangerMuffin23

Honestly if you're not close enough for her to know what's going on with you, I'd probably go the route of sending the gift but making a Polite excuse. I would hate for you to come home in tears bc they don't know what's going on and make stupid comments all night.