Is it me???

christinekk

We're 37.  We've been married for 1 1/2 years; together for 7 1/2 years.  I am a realistic, logical girl.  I never expected a fairy tale.  However, I did expect marriage to be a little more fun than this.  Is it me? 

I am not a party girl.  I don't mind the chores and errands.  I just want to have a good time when we are together and not be stressed from his family and work drama...

Ideas?

TarponMonoxide

What do you both like to do?:)

There has to be something to do in your town or a nearby city -- look into things like concerts, musical presentations, plays/musicals up at the local college or even the high school --- there are museums and other places to go.

What about signing up for a co-ed sport and take lessons or sign up for ballroom dancing?

If you bike ride or rollerblade, indulge in that.

formerlyGDaisy09

It's so easy to get into a slump and stop dating eachother. H and I have been married a year and a half and have been struggling with the same thing.  We talked about it (just talking about it helped a lot) and were both frustrated by the amount of time we spend keeping up with the house and running errands, it seems to eat away our weekends. we set some rules: 

each weeknight we are home from work and don't have other obligations we take a trip to the gym together, even if it's just a 30 min cardio session and we both have our ipods on we come home in better moods and refreshed after a long day. 

on weekends, housework (minus cleaning up after dinner) stops when the sun goes down. around 4:30-5 we start wrapping-up whatever we're working on. I feel like this rule will need modifying as we move into warmer weather, but it helps. 

We cook dinner together and clean up together. 

If one of us is home for a chunck of time when the other is at work (H works saturdays and has monday off...so this happens at least once a week for each of us) we try to maximize the amount of chores we can get done then so that we don't have to do them when we're together. (I dusted, vacuumed, and cleaned surfaces in the dining room, living room, and kitchen on saturday, H is doing laundry today and cleaning out the garage)

we plan at least one day-time activity together on the weekends (usually centered around the dog). last weekend we took the dog cross country skiing, a few weeks ago we went sledding with her, and this past weekend she got a nice long walk with both her people. 

cloudymeatballs12

During the week, we do our usual. Work, dinner watch tv, sex... . Lol, we do talk about our days while eating, then we pretty much lounge and relax. We will make sure to have sex at least a few times a week. expecially during the week. Or after a fun night out, its like it always was, like when you first start dating.. We also have big families, so we have our weekends dedicated to family a lot of times. So we will make sure to at least one weekend go out and have a good time, whether its seeing a live band, comedy show, good long dinner and a few drinks, walk around town for a while. Sometimes we will even just go to the swap meet on a Saturday for a few hours, then go home and do whatever. Oh also, we are in no place to buy a home, but we spend a weekend, free may I say, and went to open houses in a place that we would love to live, but cannot afford now. Ha ha we had so much fun doing that and it puts a little newness in the relationship. Checking out what eachother like, don't liek about that sort of thing. There are plenty of things you can do, just make sure to stick with it. It is easy to get in a slump, like pp said, but you need to make yourselves GO OUT. Just for a little and it keeps you both alive. And also it keeps you connected and in love. Good luck, you will get out of it, You are just in a boring routine right now. No worries, we all get in one sometimes. xo

Disneygeek77

I make plans.  Each season I make a list of things we like to do and then mark them down on the calendar  I don't know about you two, but I know we can waste an incredible amount of time playing the " What do you want to do ? I don't know what do you want to do ?" game.  It has happened that we waste a whole day sitting around waiting for the other person to throw out ideas.  I got tired of this so I figured I would schedule our activities.  

christinekk

I love the "end time" for Saturday chores.  I will just keep going all night with errands, cleaning and organizing.  Shamefully enough, I can't think of much we both LOVE doing.  We respect and support each other's interests, but other than some TV shows, we're not both "into" something.  Yikes! 

christinekk

There is SO much time wasted with "what do you want to do"!!!  Pat will take forever to decide what type of food he wants to eat!  I need to create a LONG list of places to eat so we can just pick from those.  I love the idea of planning out a season's worth of activities.  Thanks!

christinekk

Do you guys think it's wrong if I tell him we should be having more fun?  I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I also feel like I'm not asking for much...

formerlyGDaisy09

the End Time is a HUGE help...but what makes that easier are the chores done during the week. It's also been important to trust that if things you expect to happen while you were gone don't get done (for example if I arrive home and the garage hasn't been swept) that there must have been something else that came up and to just trust your partner that there was a good reason. we used to fight about things not getting done, and that didn't help anyone. 

VOR

christinekk said:

Do you guys think it's wrong if I tell him we should be having more fun?  I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I also feel like I'm not asking for much...

Well, I think you're looking at the wrong source for the problem.  You think marriage should be, WEEE!!!!!, FUN! 

Um, no.  In and of itself - it's another stage in life, but it's not going to inherently change your relationship.  If your DH was indecisive before,, he's going to be indecisive now.  If you didn't have common interests before, marriage isn't going to magically create common interests for you.

So, yes, if you thought "marriage" would make things better- you were short sighted.

That doesn't mean things have to stay as they are.  But you need to look at the source - which seems to be more your and DHs compatibility/ interests.  Not "marriage". 

Leftie22

christinekk said:

Do you guys think it's wrong if I tell him we should be having more fun?  I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I also feel like I'm not asking for much...

That kind of makes it sound like you're blaming him for the lack of fun and expecting him to solve the problem. Instead, just tell him you'd like to do more things with him and try something new together. Say that you feel like you've also gotten into a routine that you want to break out of. Then sit down together with a glass of wine or a nice dessert or something, and make a list of things you might want to try together. Taking a class together can be a cheap, fun way to do something different together, especially if you don't have common interests right now. You might have to push yourselves out of your comfort zone, but it'll be worth it! Bottom line, don't make him responsible for fun times. That's something you BOTH need to work on, together.

formerlyGDaisy09

I don't know if using the words H, I think we should be having more fun" will help, but a conversation about what you can do to spend less of your time together doing chores would be good. 

If you guys don't share a lot of common interests what about finding new experiences that you might like? H and I have gotten into going off to local breweries to taste their beer. He doesn't enjoy running and biking as much as me, but I've found some fun cycling events that he did want to join me for. 

Some times just sharing new experences, even if one of you ends up not likeing it, is fun.  Ex, we branched out from beer to wine...turns out H doesn't like most wines, but we both had fun (I think I had more fun laughing at all the funny faces H made than drinking the wine).  find a pottery painting place or something like that...even if it's a one time thing and neither one of you is very good...it could be fun

*edited because apparently I can't spell

christinekk

Thanks for everyone's input.  I definitely didn't expect marriage to "fix" anything.  Upon further contemplation, I realized that a month after we got married, I started a new career which includes a work schedule I'm not used to and commute I've never had before.  I'm sure this has added to my general feeling about things. 

We took a cooking class together the other day and I have found new restaurants fo us to go to.  We attended a painting class over the summer.  It seems he's just in a mood lately (his parents).  It seems like before we got married, his mood never bothered me as much...  

Thanks again!  I appreciate everyone's input.

moonprincessd

If he's indecisive, then maybe you should plan it or toss out ideas and see if he agrees. Another thing you could do is make a date jar. Right down date ideas on Popsicle sticks, stick them in a jar, and then on date night pull one out and that's what you have to do. You could do the same for picking a restaurant if you both can't decide. 

You guys have to have something in common, you married each other. I mean sure my husband likes computer games and I like reading, but we both love Doctor Who, cuddling, play board games, etc... so we spend time together doing those things. 

You could do something simple as watch a movie, eat popcorn, and cuddle. 

As for saying you should be having more fun, I think it's worth talking about. Tell him you want to spend more time together and then find a way to do it. My parents go dancing once a week as their way of spending time together. Make a plan, like every Saturday is date night, if possible, depends on work schedule, but you get the idea.

Leftie22

christinekk said:

Thanks for everyone's input.  I definitely didn't expect marriage to "fix" anything.  Upon further contemplation, I realized that a month after we got married, I started a new career which includes a work schedule I'm not used to and commute I've never had before.  I'm sure this has added to my general feeling about things. 

We took a cooking class together the other day and I have found new restaurants fo us to go to.  We attended a painting class over the summer.  It seems he's just in a mood lately (his parents).  It seems like before we got married, his mood never bothered me as much...  

Thanks again!  I appreciate everyone's input.

If he's having trouble with his family relationship, maybe that's something you need help with too? I'm working on having more fun with my DH, but at the same time, he's in counselling to deal with some of his family issues. I can't say enough how much it's helped to have a counsellor involved. His family is very dysfunctional and manipulative, and it was too much for either of us to handle alone. If your DH is in a similar situation, he needs to get help for his sake, and for yours. Good luck!

christinekk

We are actually both seeing a counselor (different reasons) and it is so helpful.  That's a nice way to put it; it is too much for either of us to handle alone.  Thanks!  It is so helpful to know I'm not the only one dealing with these things. 

christinekk

LOVE the popsicle stick idea.  We do it in Girl Scouts.  Why didn't I think of it sooner?

ah625

Unless you weren't living together beforehand, I really don't think getting married changes anything. Totally my opinion however. 

Did you have fun together before the wedding? Maybe something else changed. 

doeydo

christinekk said:

We're 37.  We've been married for 1 1/2 years; together for 7 1/2 years.  I am a realistic, logical girl.  I never expected a fairy tale.  However, I did expect marriage to be a little more fun than this.  Is it me? 

I am not a party girl.  I don't mind the chores and errands.  I just want to have a good time when we are together and not be stressed from his family and work drama...

Ideas?

Then you and your husband need to make that time for yourselves.  Whether you call it date night or whatever, make sure to still 'do things' with him without talking about life's stresses.

Disneygeek77

christinekk said:

Do you guys think it's wrong if I tell him we should be having more fun?  I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I also feel like I'm not asking for much...

:: shrugs ::

I personally wouldn't.  I would just say something like "Hey what do you think about doing a food truck friday this friday ?"