He forgot our Wedding Anniversary!

LaLovely

Yesterday was my 4th anniversary. DH forgot entirely! So this morning I mentioned it to him that he forgot. At first he was like oh I'm sorry but I didn't realize it was the 26th. Ok fine I say. Then he starts saying it doesn't mean it's not important to me, then he starts saying why didn't you tell me, next it's why wasn't there a notification on FB if we're married we should be married all the way even on FB. He then tells me that he in fact didn't forget but he's focused on things for this weekend. ( We take turns every other year planning our anniversaries this year it's his turn) He tells me he told his co-worker he couldn't work this weekend because of his anniversary. He then calls this guy and puts him on speaker phone and asks him! I'm totally lost as to his behavior, and I want to cancel the entire weekend although I haven't told him. Is his behavior totally out of control? Is this normal? Does this make any sense?

Sillygirl45

You two are still together? Maybe he forgot because he wasn't sure if it was off or on that day.

moonprincessd

I think he got defensive because normally if they forget the wife gets upset and angry... You really should have reminded him. He probably did just forget. My husband didn't know when my birthday was. He knew the day, but he didn't know what day it was, lol! He was all "I know it's Februrary 21, but uh... what day is today?" It was kind of cute... 

Truth is, guys aren't great at multitasking like women. I would have wrote it down on the calendar or enter it into his phone so the alarm would go off reminding him. 

Basically it sounds like at one point he remembered since he took the days off, but he probably just blanked later on and didn't think much about it. I think next time around, you should remind him or instead of taking turns, which I think is odd, plan it together! That's what we do. I mean, it's our anniversary, not one or the other's. And then we're both on the same page and less likely to forget.

LaLovely

moonprincessd said:

I think he got defensive because normally if they forget the wife gets upset and angry... You really should have reminded him. He probably did just forget. My husband didn't know when my birthday was. He knew the day, but he didn't know what day it was, lol! He was all "I know it's Februrary 21, but uh... what day is today?" It was kind of cute... 

Truth is, guys aren't great at multitasking like women. I would have wrote it down on the calendar or enter it into his phone so the alarm would go off reminding him. 

Basically it sounds like at one point he remembered since he took the days off, but he probably just blanked later on and didn't think much about it. I think next time around, you should remind him or instead of taking turns, which I think is odd, plan it together! That's what we do. I mean, it's our anniversary, not one or the other's. And then we're both on the same page and less likely to forget.

moonprincessd said:

I think he got defensive because normally if they forget the wife gets upset and angry... You really should have reminded him. He probably did just forget. My husband didn't know when my birthday was. He knew the day, but he didn't know what day it was, lol! He was all "I know it's Februrary 21, but uh... what day is today?" It was kind of cute... 

Truth is, guys aren't great at multitasking like women. I would have wrote it down on the calendar or enter it into his phone so the alarm would go off reminding him. 

Basically it sounds like at one point he remembered since he took the days off, but he probably just blanked later on and didn't think much about it. I think next time around, you should remind him or instead of taking turns, which I think is odd, plan it together! That's what we do. I mean, it's our anniversary, not one or the other's. And then we're both on the same page and less likely to forget.

Sillygirl45 said:

You two are still together? Maybe he forgot because he wasn't sure if it was off or on that day.

moonprincessd said:

I think he got defensive because normally if they forget the wife gets upset and angry... You really should have reminded him. He probably did just forget. My husband didn't know when my birthday was. He knew the day, but he didn't know what day it was, lol! He was all "I know it's Februrary 21, but uh... what day is today?" It was kind of cute... 

Truth is, guys aren't great at multitasking like women. I would have wrote it down on the calendar or enter it into his phone so the alarm would go off reminding him. 

Basically it sounds like at one point he remembered since he took the days off, but he probably just blanked later on and didn't think much about it. I think next time around, you should remind him or instead of taking turns, which I think is odd, plan it together! That's what we do. I mean, it's our anniversary, not one or the other's. And then we're both on the same page and less likely to forget.

TarponMonoxide

Here is what you do from now on --- for your anniversary, for Christmas and for your birthday and V Day:

A month in advance, give him a wish list of what you'd like -- and include the date that the event is being celebrated. Betcha he won't forget any more important dates if you do this.:)

Lilyrose4242

LaLovely said:

Yesterday was my 4th anniversary. DH forgot entirely! So this morning I mentioned it to him that he forgot. At first he was like oh I'm sorry but I didn't realize it was the 26th. Ok fine I say. Then he starts saying it doesn't mean it's not important to me, then he starts saying why didn't you tell me, next it's why wasn't there a notification on FB if we're married we should be married all the way even on FB. He then tells me that he in fact didn't forget but he's focused on things for this weekend. ( We take turns every other year planning our anniversaries this year it's his turn) He tells me he told his co-worker he couldn't work this weekend because of his anniversary. He then calls this guy and puts him on speaker phone and asks him! I'm totally lost as to his behavior, and I want to cancel the entire weekend although I haven't told him. Is his behavior totally out of control? Is this normal? Does this make any sense?

I'm kind of curious about why you quoted everyone and then didn't respond.

Not everyone is good with remembering dates even important ones. I feel like you were in the wrong to not remind him but then wait a few days and throw it in his face. That just sounds mean. No wonder he got defensive if you hold things he did "wrong" and use them against him later. Then when he said he was planning for the weekend (and you said you take turns planning weekend anniversary dates), maybe he just though you two were waiting till the weekend to celebrate.

Honestly, OP you sound like the one acting crazy.

Sillygirl45

OK so I'd like to know what everyone thinks CHEATING actually is? My H and I separated( well he left me after an argument, a dumb one at that) he says we are done, packs his stuff and leaves. Doesn't call or anything, then decides that he is coming back home after a week gone. I told him that because he left he should stay where he was until we can figure out what we are going to do because getting mad and walking out on your wife is NOT ok. He tells me that he is coming home because I haven't called or reached out to him(why should I? he left me) he needs to come home because he doesn't know what I was doing. FAST FORWARD, I ended up leaving to stay at a friends house because I feel he obviously doesn't love me or have respect for our marriage. And after 3 1/2 years of NO ORGASM ( he knows I haven't had one and his answer to me when we discussed it was and I quote "I read in a book that some women cum slower than some men and I feel there is nothing wrong with me It's you! You need to fix it") So I decide to sleep with someone, had multiple orgasms... Was this cheating?

Considering you posted the above in November, I'm surprised divorce papers aren't your anniversary present. 

You two are a bunch of ridiculous drama.

LaLovely

Sillygirl45 said:

OK so I'd like to know what everyone thinks CHEATING actually is? My H and I separated( well he left me after an argument, a dumb one at that) he says we are done, packs his stuff and leaves. Doesn't call or anything, then decides that he is coming back home after a week gone. I told him that because he left he should stay where he was until we can figure out what we are going to do because getting mad and walking out on your wife is NOT ok. He tells me that he is coming home because I haven't called or reached out to him(why should I? he left me) he needs to come home because he doesn't know what I was doing. FAST FORWARD, I ended up leaving to stay at a friends house because I feel he obviously doesn't love me or have respect for our marriage. And after 3 1/2 years of NO ORGASM ( he knows I haven't had one and his answer to me when we discussed it was and I quote "I read in a book that some women cum slower than some men and I feel there is nothing wrong with me It's you! You need to fix it") So I decide to sleep with someone, had multiple orgasms... Was this cheating?

Considering you posted the above in November, I'm surprised divorce papers aren't your anniversary present. 

You two are a bunch of ridiculous drama.

LaLovely

idk why it wont let me respond.

rlyttle

Wow this is ridiculous. Some people forget dates and I don't keep things from my DH. "hey my birthday is next week, what do you want to do?" It's as simple as that. I don't try to trap my DH into forgetting something. Cut him some slack. It sounds like you guys have a pretty rocky relationship anyway. 

Lilyrose4242

LaLovely said:

idk why it wont let me respond.

You just responded.

LaLovely

My apologies, I was having problems quoting and responding. Rocky yes,absolutely. This was supposed to be an attempt to move forward on a positive note and put all the crap behind us. We discussed this prior because of his lack of wanting to be involved in the planning of Anniversaries and then complaining about the money I spend to plan things. We decided to take turns. Probably a bad idea, I get that now. MY Issue is how is it you remember some random college ball player from 10 years ago, you remember you had a basketball game that day, but you forgot your anniversary? Program it in your phone, write it on a calendar, hell write it on your hand if need be. I didn't scream, I didn't yell I calmly said hey you forgot our anniversary. How exactly is that using it against him? I could be wrong but I think it's a total cop-out to use that excuse oh I don't do good with dates (which is fine) But for heavens sake do something to at least help yourself remember!

Sillygirl45

This is said with total sincerity. I really hope the two of you are in counseling.

GilliC

LaLovely said:

My apologies, I was having problems quoting and responding. Rocky yes,absolutely. This was supposed to be an attempt to move forward on a positive note and put all the crap behind us. We discussed this prior because of his lack of wanting to be involved in the planning of Anniversaries and then complaining about the money I spend to plan things. We decided to take turns. Probably a bad idea, I get that now. MY Issue is how is it you remember some random college ball player from 10 years ago, you remember you had a basketball game that day, but you forgot your anniversary? Program it in your phone, write it on a calendar, hell write it on your hand if need be. I didn't scream, I didn't yell I calmly said hey you forgot our anniversary. How exactly is that using it against him? I could be wrong but I think it's a total cop-out to use that excuse oh I don't do good with dates (which is fine) But for heavens sake do something to at least help yourself remember!

I can remember the SKU number for a Mountain Dew at the store where I worked 15 years ago (8187585) but my SO's birthday can come and go without me realizing it. I can only remember it as "My own birthday + 10 days - 1 year." My best friend's and my father's are both "November 20-something" in my head.

Memory is a funny thing, and definitely not one to get too caught up over.