NBR: Normal Wedding Gift Cost?

jackiback

I have never thought about the wedding gift having anything to do with the cost of the wedding itself. It isn't like paying admission- it is a gift.

Do people that think like that give a smaller gift for a reception that doesn't include dinner? That has a homemade dinner? That doesn't offer booze?

I feel like we generally just give what we have and leave it at that.

I am glad to hear that $300 does seem to be way higher than most people give. I was shocked when I read that that is what the "expected" gift for a coworker was. Eek.

booneybear

When in doubt of how much to give, Google wedding gift etiquette.  It seems that most etiquette sites agree that a gift of $75 to $100 is acceptable for a co-worker or acquaintance.  A more substantial amount for a close friend or family member.  

And if you can't afford that much, they suggest a personal gift.  

And most sites do not mention COL at all.  

Miss Manners and Emily Post and the Knot have spoken.  

MrsJenE

jackiback said:

I have never thought about the wedding gift having anything to do with the cost of the wedding itself. It isn't like paying admission- it is a gift. Do people that think like that give a smaller gift for a reception that doesn't include dinner? That has a homemade dinner? That doesn't offer booze? I feel like we generally just give what we have and leave it at that. I am glad to hear that $300 does seem to be way higher than most people give. I was shocked when I read that that is what the "expected" gift for a coworker was. Eek.

I would never give that amount to a co-worker.

EliStar

jackiback said:

I have never thought about the wedding gift having anything to do with the cost of the wedding itself. It isn't like paying admission- it is a gift. Do people that think like that give a smaller gift for a reception that doesn't include dinner? That has a homemade dinner? That doesn't offer booze? I feel like we generally just give what we have and leave it at that. I am glad to hear that $300 does seem to be way higher than most people give. I was shocked when I read that that is what the "expected" gift for a coworker was. Eek.

It's not like paying admission. It's just something I (and most people in my circle) take into consideration when giving a gift. To be courteous. Weddings are generally crazy expensive around here, so I think it's nice to be generous with your wedding gift since it's such a huge financial burden.

I think "expected" is just not a good word to use when it comes to monetary gifts in general. You give what you can give and that's that. 

Jen748

booneybear said:

When in doubt of how much to give, Google wedding gift etiquette.  It seems that most etiquette sites agree that a gift of $75 to $100 is acceptable for a co-worker or acquaintance.  A more substantial amount for a close friend or family member.  

And if you can't afford that much, they suggest a personal gift.  

And most sites do not mention COL at all.  

Miss Manners and Emily Post and the Knot have spoken.  

I'm glad my friends are more interested in having me in person at their wedding instead of what Miss Manners says.

jackiback

EliStar said:

jackiback said:

I have never thought about the wedding gift having anything to do with the cost of the wedding itself. It isn't like paying admission- it is a gift.

Do people that think like that give a smaller gift for a reception that doesn't include dinner? That has a homemade dinner? That doesn't offer booze?

I feel like we generally just give what we have and leave it at that.

I am glad to hear that $300 does seem to be way higher than most people give. I was shocked when I read that that is what the "expected" gift for a coworker was. Eek.

It's not like paying admission. It's just something I (and most people in my circle) take into consideration when giving a gift. To be courteous. Weddings are generally crazy expensive around here, so I think it's nice to be generous with your wedding gift since it's such a huge financial burden.

I think "expected" is just not a good word to use when it comes to monetary gifts in general. You give what you can give and that's that. 

I think that's what was weird for me. She said that these 40 guys work together, they all come to each other's weddings and they all give $300, no more no less.

Number one, that is twelve thousand dollars, which makes my brain explode.

Number two, the idea of this expectation is kind of awful because you can't be the one to not do it, but maybe it's way out of your price range. Just seems kind of messed up when we're talking about a voluntary gift.

Also, these guys are firefighters, not doctors. She said 3 of them are getting married this summer. Good bye, vacation, we are spending $900 on wedding gifts 0_o

booneybear

So lets say for shits and giggles that my sister elopes, do I not get her any gift at all because she didn't have a wedding?  After all, she wasn't interested in having me at her wedding so I shouldn't be interested in getting her a gift, right? 

RevJen

Jen748 said:

I would rather not go to the wedding than be cheap with the gift.  We normally give $100+

As a bride I would've much rather had someone I invited come to my wedding sans gift if they couldn't afford it than not come. I wanted them there for our day, not for the purpose of them bringing me a big gift. Maybe here in MO it's different COL and all that.

I had people show up to ours who couldn't give anything other than a card.  I was completely fine with that.  I wanted to share our happiness with them so it was fine.

When my BIL/SIL got married, we gave them a gift and they yelled at us for doing it.  I performed their ceremony.

EliStar

jackiback said:

jackiback said:

I have never thought about the wedding gift having anything to do with the cost of the wedding itself. It isn't like paying admission- it is a gift. Do people that think like that give a smaller gift for a reception that doesn't include dinner? That has a homemade dinner? That doesn't offer booze? I feel like we generally just give what we have and leave it at that. I am glad to hear that $300 does seem to be way higher than most people give. I was shocked when I read that that is what the "expected" gift for a coworker was. Eek.

It's not like paying admission. It's just something I (and most people in my circle) take into consideration when giving a gift. To be courteous. Weddings are generally crazy expensive around here, so I think it's nice to be generous with your wedding gift since it's such a huge financial burden.

I think "expected" is just not a good word to use when it comes to monetary gifts in general. You give what you can give and that's that. 

I think that's what was weird for me. She said that these 40 guys work together, they all come to each other's weddings and they all give $300, no more no less. Number one, that is twelve thousand dollars, which makes my brain explode. Number two, the idea of this expectation is kind of awful because you can't be the one to not do it, but maybe it's way out of your price range. Just seems kind of messed up when we're talking about a voluntary gift. Also, these guys are firefighters, not doctors. She said 3 of them are getting married this summer. Good bye, vacation, we are spending $900 on wedding gifts 0_o

Yeah, I would NOT be going to that wedding! 

$300 is too much for me... for anyone's wedding. 

MrsJenE

jackiback said:

jackiback said:

I have never thought about the wedding gift having anything to do with the cost of the wedding itself. It isn't like paying admission- it is a gift. Do people that think like that give a smaller gift for a reception that doesn't include dinner? That has a homemade dinner? That doesn't offer booze? I feel like we generally just give what we have and leave it at that. I am glad to hear that $300 does seem to be way higher than most people give. I was shocked when I read that that is what the "expected" gift for a coworker was. Eek.

It's not like paying admission. It's just something I (and most people in my circle) take into consideration when giving a gift. To be courteous. Weddings are generally crazy expensive around here, so I think it's nice to be generous with your wedding gift since it's such a huge financial burden.

I think "expected" is just not a good word to use when it comes to monetary gifts in general. You give what you can give and that's that. 

I think that's what was weird for me. She said that these 40 guys work together, they all come to each other's weddings and they all give $300, no more no less. Number one, that is twelve thousand dollars, which makes my brain explode. Number two, the idea of this expectation is kind of awful because you can't be the one to not do it, but maybe it's way out of your price range. Just seems kind of messed up when we're talking about a voluntary gift. Also, these guys are firefighters, not doctors. She said 3 of them are getting married this summer. Good bye, vacation, we are spending $900 on wedding gifts 0_o

When I got married, I could tell all my single friends (without guests) got together to discuss what the appropriate amount would be because they all gave us $200 each.  If you all get together and decide on it and everyone seems comfortable, I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing.  

Jen748

booneybear said:

So lets say for shits and giggles that my sister elopes, do I not get her any gift at all because she didn't have a wedding?  After all, she wasn't interested in having me at her wedding so I shouldn't be interested in getting her a gift, right? 

I would give her the same price range I would anyone. My point was, I didn't care about getting a cost-for-cost gift. I think that perspective is something not heard of in my circles for sure.

We literally couldn't afford a $100-200 wedding gift for anyone. I would be honestly offended if a friend of mine preferred to save money by me not attending her wedding because I couldn't spend that kind of money.

dmlk413

We typically spend $50-100 on a wedding gift and that's pretty standard here in Kansas.  I personally would have been shocked if a friend had spent more than that on a gift for us. 

Jliongrrrl

I'm in the $100ish club as well. I usually spend about the same ($75-100) on a shower gift as well. Really close (like sister to me) friends got a more expensive gift (a rocking chair) but that's not the norm.

And anyone getting married 8 times should just put a picture on Facebook and the newspaper and notify people that way. Thats insane to have 8 actual weddings!!!

84Lauren

I think "What is the average, general amount people spend at a wedding?" is a perfectly fair question, and it seems the general answer is $100 - $200 ish (for me as well).

That is a very, very different question than "Will the bride and groom be mad/disappointed if all I can afford is a $30 gift?"

There seem to be two different conversations going on here.

myJunegirls

I agree. There are two different points being made here.

DH's parents best friends (who are fairly wealthy) gave Jeff and I $20 as a wedding gift. We still feel it was odd. Would I not have wanted them to come? No. But I would have preferred they not give us anything than to make us feel the way they did.  (and I am not sure that is coming across right).

She spent more on my shower gift than what they gave us as a wedding gift. So yes, it left us feeling slighted. Under no uncertain terms would be not have wanted them there though. It was just very odd.  17 years later, we still think about it every time we see them.

That being said- they spend oodles on the girls?? So it made the wedding gift even more odd.

sweetc129

We only spent $300 once and it was DH best friend since grade school and he was best man. We usually give $100 check.

krispy83

We generally give $75-$150 depending on who it is - more for a close friend or family member, less for a more casual friend.  The only time I've given a gift in the $300 range was when my brother got married in Sept.  There is no way I could afford that level of a wedding gift.

I think the "give enough to cover your plate" idea is very antiquated and also doesn't take into consideration the cost of travel, etc.

SacGeoLover

Usually in the $50-$100 range.  I'm honestly dumbfounded by the cover your plate thing.  I guess I don't understand why I'm expected to contribute to someone's monetary choices.  You're not actually required to spend a certain amount on a wedding, regardless of the area.  I never would have expected a $300 gift from anyone, including family, and I sincerely hope to god nobody's ever expected that of us.  We sure as heck can't afford that and we live in one of the most expensive parts of the country.  Maybe no one here cares because we're all broke, haha.  Honestly though, just don't invite me if an expensive gift is that important.

caseyandlizzie

Lauren620 said:

I normally give around the $50-$100 range, I spend more for close friends and family though.  I don't go to many weddings where people are spending anywhere near $100/plate, if that makes any difference. 

Same here. Our COL is lower and a $100/plate wedding in my circle just wouldn't happen. I usually spend around $50 for a shower gift and then give cash at the wedding. There were a few times where I was in the wedding and had already shelled out a lot for my dress and all the pre-wedding functions and I ended up giving a smaller gift at the wedding.

MrsC7

I don't think we've EVER given a $300 wedding gift.  Even for close friends.  They usually get something closer to $200 since our usual wedding MO is about $100.

GreenBride624

When we were first out of college, $50 was our standard for the wedding gift.  When we were a little more established, $100 was our standard.

My sister got married last year so we gave her more (plus everything else that went along with it, hosting shower, shower gift, bachelorette weekend, etc...)

But we really don't go to a lot of weddings - we have maybe one/year.  But there have been a couple years when we didn't have any.  Our close friends are already married.  DH & I have a bunch of younger cousins but only one of his & one of my cousins is married already.

Young_Love

I can't fathom buying a $300 gift for anyone.

packfan20

In the 11 years DH & I have been together, we have been to 33 weddings.  Even if we had given $50 each, that's still...$1,650.  About half were out of town... Shit.

AshleyT121

Young_Love said:

I can't fathom buying a $300 gift for anyone.

amen

denmanam

We usually give $50 to $100 for wedding gifts. The bigger gifts are usually for family and really close friends. I had no expectations in terms of how much I thought our guests should give to us.

muzikgrrl

In our area its at least $100 per person.  We usually give more depending on the wedding, so in total me and my husband spend $200-300 per wedding.  I've never been to a wedding where gifts are given, its always cash at the wedding and gifts at the shower. 

SRodi811

I must be cheap too, because I usually spend between $30-80.  I'm from a small (country) town so a lot of my friends are "redneckish" if you will, so this is pretty standard.

PhoenixRising11

When my XH and I were married, we gave $100 if we went to a wedding together. On my own, I give $50 usually. That is pretty normal around here.

alithebride

It's pretty common by me to give a monetary gift for the wedding. Boxed gifts are for showers. That being said yes it's the cover your dinner plus thing. Minimum 200 if both of us attend. more for close friends and family.

RiverPlate

My favorite kinds of gifts are when my close circle of girlfriends all chip in to get something spectaular.  For one friend we each chipped in and bought a really nice grill.  We've done this to pay for a trip (long weekend, we paid for their flight and hotel in New Orleans back in the day before flight prices went insane), a crib, an SLR camera, and a video camera.  I think the grill was the most expensive, and was $100 each.