Trouble in Paradise
LeaZ
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Not so small vent (update also)
So, my H apparently did file paperwork with the court for divorce and child custody...he just chose not to serve me with them. This afternoon when we met to exchange the baby, he informed me that there was a hearing scheduled for Tuesday, but since he hadn't served me yet it would "probably" be cancelled. He said the courts took it upon themselves to schedule the hearing and he had nothing to do with it. I left a message for an attorney, but will have to wait until tomorrow to find out what I need to do. He said he filed the papers "just in case" and decided not to serve me yet since we are in counseling trying to work things out. (I am simply attending counseling to get us to a place where we can communicate civilly about our child...not to fix the relationship as I do not want to be with my H any longer...our counselor knows this but has not shared it with H)
On top of it all, my MIL, who is a HUGE problem in our relationship, came into town and I agreed (reluctantly) to allow her to baby it our baby during the day when she was here on the days my mom usually doesn't watch the baby. So, originally this was supposed to be a 2 day thing. Well, she extended her visit and now expects to have my son for a few extra days next week...I said no, he needs to get back to his regular schedule, and that started a HUGE fight.
I am so over my H and his mother trying to override my decisions for my child's care and this really is the last straw for me. I'm just frustrated and needed an outlet.
Re: Not so small vent (update also)
You go to an attorney and you file. Let his sorry ass be served; you divorce him.
he's got 35 days after that to sign and return the complaint.
Get your financial ducks in a row in the meanwhile; protect your assets.
And do NOT let that horrible woman go near your child. She's a problem; you need this like you need the proverbial hole in the head.
Take back your life and your child; divorce this jerk -- as i said, you file -- and that's the end of any contact with his mother, also.
Wishing you luck.
And counseling for you --- you need to learn how ti stick up for yourself. Let nobody push you around or take advantage of you. You "reluctantly agreed"?? No more of this bullshit. Stand up for yourself; learn how to, with a counselor's help.
I strongly suggest you do so.
Because if you don't, he will have the upper hand forever, even when you are divorced. You need to stand up for your kiddo --- do you want that horrid woman near your child, even after you're divorced???
Think about it.
Sorry for your troubles, OP.
Tough rocks for him; time is money. And he is the cause of the problem.
Don't let him have any visitation until a court decides what and when. If you do not wish to tell him that, have your attorney send him a letter. He can't argue with an attorney and he'll be on his very bestest behavior after that, being the divorce hearing is coming up.
Do not be surprised if he does not sign and return. It is in your favor if he lets the divorce go uncontested.
I'll add that the only reason I agreed to MIL watching the baby when she was here was because H agreed to work from home those days so she would not be unsupervised with him. I was still reluctant, because I do not trust that woman at all at this point, but I didn't want to cause anymore reasons for us to fight, but int eh end it backfired anyway because these people are never happy with what they get, they always have to push for more, more, more at any cost.
Thank you....I have really been trying to be as civil as possible, but I fee like H and his family are never satisfied, if I give any slack at all then they just try to see how much more they can squeeze out of me. Its really sad. H has been seeing a counselor on his own, he has been a lot more civil with me for the most part, but anytime I have disagreed or not given into his demands he still flies off of the handle and we are back where we started, only he makes comments like "I was nice to you today, and now you can't do anything for me." Which just shows me its all surface level changes, nothing substantial or deep.
I am terrified of the impact his family will have on my baby when I am not there to protect him, but at least by leaving I will be able to show him how a real family treats eachother and hopefully that will counter-act any negative effects. I just really wish this side had come out before the baby was born, I never would have stayed with him had I known that this is what I married into...I would have much rathe rhad the baby on my own and been able to enjoy my first few months with him that to be put through hell like I have been.
A friend of mine has been divorced now for over 16 years and she says that this is the best she's gotten along with her xH. They are now more or less very good friends.:)
He can't do enough for the kids --- in lieu of child support he's paid for a quite good house for her to rent to stay in with the kids --- I say she got the better of the deal vs child support checks for the kiddoes.
1-Have an issue with it --- remember I said do not let anybody push you around
2-Tell yoru attorney immediately. There may be a way for you to get his visitation hours revoked or legally monitored in some way where that harridan will be out of the picture completely.
He may have to have supervised visitation. That would be best for the kiddo.
This is your next big hurdle: oh, she can call you what she wants to call you and you can settle the score your way -- but wow, now a kiddo is involved and this type of garbage straight out of the gutter cannot happen. Take control and take command and don't stand for it.
Give your attorney a heads up about Little Miss Manners and her bad behaviors. Don't let your child hear trash talk or anything that is not respectful to ALL parties.