October 2011 Weddings
sdose13
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Money
I had dinner with a friend last night and we got talking about money. I've always heard that money, more than anything, will break a couple up if they're not on the same page. After a few fights with H on the matter, I'm pretty sure that's true. Then she told me something shocking (to me) that she and her husband are trying when it comes to their money.
I'll tell you the story if you weigh in on how you guys split your money. H and I keep all our money in the same account. He makes more than me, but we believe it all evens out in the end. When we get paid, we pay bills and then put a set number in savings and then we each have two debit cards. we put a set number in one account and the rest in the other (the set amount is a lower number and we only use it for eating out -- it's really helped us police how much we spend on that). We don't give each other allowances, or anything. We tell each other what we're going to spend, and keep an eye on what's in our account, almost daily.
I'll tell you the story if you weigh in on how you guys split your money. H and I keep all our money in the same account. He makes more than me, but we believe it all evens out in the end. When we get paid, we pay bills and then put a set number in savings and then we each have two debit cards. we put a set number in one account and the rest in the other (the set amount is a lower number and we only use it for eating out -- it's really helped us police how much we spend on that). We don't give each other allowances, or anything. We tell each other what we're going to spend, and keep an eye on what's in our account, almost daily.
Re: Money
We have separate bank accounts, for now. I went to college, he didn't. He bought a house when he was 19, and a new car a few years later, which has been his only debt (he is a big time saver). Whereas I had a car loan plus a ton of student loans. I wanted to get my loans paid off with my money before we combined - I found that fair (which since then they have been paid off).
I pay some of the utilities, buy groceries. He pays the mortgage and a few utilities.
Here's probably what will sound crazy to you guys... I got a new car last year and instead of taking out a loan, DH paid for it in cash and I'm paying him back. Once I pay him back, we'll probably combine accounts. Yes, it's odd, but it's how we work & we are both okay with it. I even keep a spreadsheet, keeping track of big purchases like our bathroom remodel & fertility expenses that we end up 'splitting'. I'm OCD with money & finances, so I like to keep track of things like that.
Eventually if/when we have kids, I'll be staying at home so it will definitely have to be our money then!
TTC since March 2012
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We have 3 checking accounts and 1 savings account. 1 checking account is strictly for the rental property we own. With that account, the monthly rent gets put in and then that mortgage gets taken out.
Another of our checking accounts is used for the mortgage, car payments, and all of the bills that are paid once or twice a year. Out of both checks, a certain amount of money gets directly deposited into that account to pay for those bills, and to ensure we have enough money saved for the bills paid once or twice a year (i.e. insurance, car registration, money for Christmas, etc).
The rest of our paychecks get deposited into our main checking account. That checking account is what is used for the monthly bills (utilities, cell phones, etc), and our credit card. We have the Chase Freedom card, and we use the credit card for everything and then pay it off each week. We do that because we have accumulated so many points that way. Over the course of the 2 years we've been married, we've probably redeemed almost $2,000 (if not more) in points.
We then have our savings account, where we put money in each paycheck. We're slowing trying to build our emergency fund. It's absolutely NO WHERE near I would like it to be at. It seems like once we start to get ahead, something else happens.
I definitely agree that finances can break up couples. DH and I are not always on the same page when it comes to saving money though. We've definitely had our struggles when it comes to financial agreements.
TTC since June 2012
We do pretty much this except our credit cards are for emergencies.
My brother and SIL had separate accounts until they'd been married two years. I never thought it was strange. I did work with a woman once who's husband gave her an allowance and that's all the money she had a say on and could spend. She worked full time and contributed to the total income, so I thought that seemed unfair.
TTC since June 2012
This entire time (well before we were engaged) we had a joint checking and savings. It has worked beautifully for us. I pay all the bills now. H was responsible for paying his cc and student loans before but that didn't end well. Got into to much debt and trouble. It works great for us. And we are out of debt except for his car and student loans mostly.
We talk about most purchases we make but don't monitor each other's spending. We keep an eye on our account to make sure all looks good. And it stays above x dollars.
Our savings gets x amount put into it each month. He has a 401k that gets x into it each month. And his car loan is paid automatically thru a credit union account (only he has acess to) at his work. That credit union money doesn't even exist to us because it's taken out of his paycheck before the rest of the paycheck comes to our account.
We have NEVER fought about money. It's money. Doesn't matter how little or how much we have we are on the same page. The amount of bills or money we have can cause us stress. But that's just because we are burdened by bills/ debt/ lack of funds.
I should also add we no longer use cc's. We don't intend on getting a cc anytime soon.
I find in talking to our friends how different we are compared to them.
I don't believe having multiple accounts is strange. I think it's pretty much the norm now. Even having a his cc and her cc is common along with allowances.
Although one of my friends has had a lot of drama involving money and debt. I notice most fights stem from not viewing the total some of money as our money. Once you are a couple it's our money, our things. Doesn't matter how many accounts,etc as long as it's viewed as ours.
OK. so this is how they do it. I'm not judging how they handle it -- it seems to work for them. But if I were the wife (I'll call her L), I would be upset at the husband (call him S).
They've been married six years. He owned a place and she didn't. I think he also had student loans, and she didn't. So they moved in there, and then a year into marriage, they decided to move to Mexico. She was going to teach there and he found work tutoring, and other stuff. They lived there 3 years. When they moved back, they didn't want to move back into the house, and they continue to rent it out. They rented a place for themselves and had to get everything -- cars, furniture, etc. After a while, they found a house and have now been in it for about six months. She is pregnant (due in May). She told me that they split everything 60-40. He makes more than she does. Apparently, before they moved to this 60-40 plan, S was in charge of money. He would pay the bills, etc., then tell L how much they had left to spend (he would give her an allowance). Sometimes it would be like $200 a month, and she didn't understand. So then she found out he was paying double the mortgage on their new house and double on their rental place, and that would leave them money for ramen noodles and that's about it. So many fights. So after bills and whatnot, she has her money, he has his and they spend it how they like. If he wants to go pay more on the mortgage he can, and likewise with her. He goes in the bank accounts at the end of the month and evens everything out. Also, she has awesome insurance and he is covered over it and said since he's being so stubborn she makes him pay her $200 a month for it.
Apparently this is working for them, and that's great. I don't want them to fight and if this helps them get along, then to each their own. I just thought it seemed like a lot of time and energy to expend on deciphering that bank account.
H and I have our own checking accounts, savings accounts, and credit cards. Then we have 1 joint savings account. We split up which bills we pay. I have the mortgage, which is the biggest bill, so H puts more money into our joint savings. Then we deal with our own spending money.