Balancing it all - cleaning, errands, and fun.

ryanthegirl

Casey's work week on this movie is Wednesday through Sunday, which leaves me solo for the whole weekend. I'm having a really hard time balancing everything. 

 I've always said that I don't want to raise a child who a thinks that every weekend should be filled with trips to the Children's Museum and other kid-centric activities but I've been doing just that and neglecting the typical weekend chores I need to do b/c it's easier and I want to do fun things with him.

I'm having a hard time forming thoughts about this, so here are some random thoughts... I have a lot of anxiety about taking him out (to non kid-centric places) by myself. He can be challenging in the grocery (and stores in general). He doesn't want to stay in the cart but cannot be trusted to roam. However, I feel like the longer I avoid it (it's been over a month) the worse it's going to get. 

I have a hard time cleaning (other than vacuuming and dishes) b/c he's 2 and in to everything. He is not a TV kid, so I can't even occupy him with a show for 30 mins while I clean the bathroom. He also has breathing issues and sensitivities so I don't really want to use chemicals with him roaming about. He's not really able to entertain himself with toys (at least the toys we have). 

I find myself getting so frustrated and depressed. I'm not the only person in the word to deal with a situation like this - yet I cannot seem to wrap my mind around how to do anything. I don't know if it's a confidence issue, a patience issue (when he inevitably foils my plans), or what - but my house and sanity is suffering. 

 My heart keeps telling me to just suck it up and do it - and I have the best intentions - but then I look at the pile of laundry I just folded that G is ripping apart and decide to haul him out to The Children's Museum. Have any of you dealt with something similar? How do you strike a balance between chores and fun?

AmandaJLewis

Lower your expectations. It's ok if the house isn't perfectly clean. Use bribery, shopping with a 2 year old sucks. Bring snacks, talk to him while he rides in the cart and involve him in the shopping (can you find the oranges, what kind of grapes do you want, lets count 5 apples while I put them into the bag).  let him fold socks or kitchen towels while you fold other things.  Or set up a challenge... something like lets see who can finish first, you do your chore, he builds a puzzle or something. And be firm when you need to. Your job isn't to constantly entertain him.  I have been there, and am happy to report that age 6 EJ is much more independent. But I had to make an effort to help her feel comfortable with that.

As someone with anxiety issues, I totally understand the worry.  But the more you get out, the less difficult it becomes for you to deal with because you realize it isn't nearly as bad as you built it up in your head to be.

lala5507

I would say first of all, lower your expectations as far as cleaning.   I'm not saying to live in filth, but it's ok if things aren't picture perfect or if the toilet doesn't get cleaned exactly on time.  Can you clean while he naps?  or while he's eating a snack?  Even if you can only get him occupied for 5 or 10 minutest at a time; that's enough time to squeeze in a quick wipe down of something. 

As far as taking the kids places on the weekend....we don't do special kids things very often (we only go to the children's museum once or twice a year).  Now that its getting nice outside, the kids are happy just being outside in the yard or taking a walk.  

lala5507

AmandaJLewis said:

Lower your expectations. It's ok if the house isn't perfectly clean. Use bribery, shopping with a 2 year old sucks. Bring snacks, talk to him while he rides in the cart and involve him in the shopping (can you find the oranges, what kind of grapes do you want, lets count 5 apples while I put them into the bag).  let him fold socks or kitchen towels while you fold other things.  Or set up a challenge... something like lets see who can finish first, you do your chore, he builds a puzzle or something. And be firm when you need to. Your job isn't to constantly entertain him.  I have been there, and am happy to report that age 6 EJ is much more independent. But I had to make an effort to help her feel comfortable with that.

As someone with anxiety issues, I totally understand the worry.  But the more you get out, the less difficult it becomes for you to deal with because you realize it isn't nearly as bad as you built it up in your head to be.

I agree with snacks while shopping.  My 3 year old in not a shopper at all.  But if I bring a snack, she will stay in the cart and I can usually get through Aldi's without drama.

lala5507

I thought of one more thing...

When running errands it helps to have a plan.  Make a list and know exactly what you need to get.  Some times I need to go to 3 stores, but I know there is a chance that dd won't hang in there with me for that long.  So I prioritize.  I got to the most important store first and stick to what I need to get (no wandering around Target   like I love to do).  Get in, get out.  If she seems like she's still going strong, I move onto store #2. 

Luckystar2

I agree about lowering cleaning expectations. I pretty much wait until I am really annoyed with the filth (ha) to do a big clean. Or when we have guests! We do try to do dishes each night and vaccuum a couple times a week (dog hair!). So it's really the bathrooms and deep cleaning kitchen that gets back burner.

Dd was a handful around that age but luckily she loved tv so I could always pop something on while I cleaned.

As for groceries, I agree about getting him involved, snacks, toys, etc. I have to say one of the main reasons I love our grocery store is they have a kid area where you can drop off your kid while you shop. Seriously best invention ever!! But lately dd wants to come with us but she is older.

As for kid centric activities, we don't do big outings most weekends. Dd usually has a sport thing on Saturday and then we tend to run errand and Sunday is grocery store. Honestly I feel bad that we don't do more although once the weather is better we take trips to playground or splash pad pretty often. But we rarely go to our children's museum and do the zoo maybe a few times over the summer. We have a bounce house place membership but have only gone a few times this weekend. It just depends. But I feel like we have too many errands lately! There can be a good balance I think.

gwennythepooh

I agree with the other poster's all good ideas. Another thing that I found was if it was a smaller trip (i.e. just getting groceries for a day or two) vs trying to do a week's worth of shopping - it typically went much better. After awhile she'd get bored and when she gets bored in a store, she'd let me and everyone within a 2 mile radius know it It has gotten better as she's gotten older, but I totally understand the frustration at the time.

Meghan&Rich

Ditto lowering your expectations.  Also, I feel like the word "balance" is unrealistic and puts unnecessary pressure on people.

It helps if I have a list of things to do to keep me on track and keep me from getting overwhelmed or blowing things out of proportion. (OMG!  I have SO much to do, I will never get ANYTHING done EVERRRRR!!!!)

I also give myself 1 or 2 things to complete on a weekend.  They are usually pretty easy to do, but then I feel like I accomplished something, even if I have a lot of other things that I still need to finish. 

Get on the same page with Casey as far as what you're both doing.  Is he helping with laundry, shopping etc. on his days off?  Since it's not a usual schedule, then your usual routines might not be working, so think about how to make them work better with the schedule change.

DH does the grocery shopping and has always taken Mason with him, he recently was brave enough to take both boys.  Like the others suggested, he involves them in the shopping, gives them things to do and things to snack on.  Also, GE Market District has curbside pick up.  It is amazing.  As for Target and other shopping, I usually just do it by myself in the evenings as the boys are going to bed. (not sure what evenings you're both at home)

Lower your expectations, take one thing at a time - dont' focus on everything you have to do at once, and go easy on yourself!

sundaygirl

I only have a suggestion in regard to grocery shopping.  Now that it's nice out, hit the playground first.  Then stick your tired kid in the shopping cart, with snacks and a phone if necessary, so you can shop.

MrsAmers

Finding balance is sort of a constantly evolving issue. Now it is a lot easier to tell the kids to go play so I can get things done. But at the same time, we need to make sure we are teaching them how to do chores so that they can contribute to the family…which can make the chores take longer than they would if I just did them myself.

A few thoughts:
One of the nights that Casey is home, let him be the parent in charge and use the evening to run errands, clean, fold laundry, etc.
I agree about lowering your standards. As long as there are plates to eat off of and enough clean clothes to get you through the week, you’re doing fine.
The only way he’ll get better about going to the grocery and stores is with practice. A 2 year old won’t be perfect at it, but with more exposure he will get better. I also agree with bringing snacks and being prepared to leave when he’s done.
Soon the weather will mean that you can go to the playground or take a walk instead of trekking to the Children’s Museum. Go outside and blow bubbles or give him some sidewalk chalk.

Most importantly, it will get easier when he’s older. It just will. My friend visited us with her 20 month old a few weeks back. Her son needs SO much more interaction and attention than my kids do. Parenting a toddler is intense and it involves a lot of sacrifice. It is normal to feel overwhelmed.

ryanthegirl

Thank you ladies, so much. You've given me some really great advice. I appreciate it.

I think you all nailed it. I'm feeling extremely overwhelmed and I'm giving up b/c I feel like it's all just too much. I also think that part of the problem is that I've allowed myself to become extremely disorganized (mail is everywhere, etc) and it's adding to the chaos in my house.

And yes, I definitely need to lower my expectations and stop chasing this idea of balance. 

Casey does help out when he's home - but he faces similar challenges. Unfortunately his Mondays are typically spent sleeping - on films the last day of the work week typically goes until the early morning hours of the following day b/c they try to make up things they missed during the week. So really, most weeks, he only has Tuesday.

ryanthegirl

The other thing about Casey's schedule is that he is often up and out before G is awake and home well after he's gone to bed - so while chores/errands are necessary, he gets to spend such limited time with G when he is working, I try to be sensitive to that.

denalea

I often have similar feelings, if that makes you feel any better. 

Just a thought...do you have anyone who could watch your LO for just a day while you clean or get ahead?  Or can you send him to Daycare and take a day or half day off to get things in order?  Sometimes just a few hours to sort of get a handle on things improves my mood totally.

I recently sent DH and S to visit DH's dad in NY while I stayed home.  It really only amounted to 1 1/2 days by myself because I worked ALL day on Sunday, but it was fantastic.  For one brief minute the laundry was caught up.  I cleaned out medicine cabinets.  I shampooed carpets. 
Today (a mere 3 weekends later) you would never know any of that stuff had been done.  But for 20 glorious minutes, I was caught up, and it felt wonderful!

And, for what it is worth, I often try to remind myself that there are only so many years that S will want to go to the children's museum, or play on the swings with me, or hang out with me, or not be consumed by school/sports/scouts/lessons, etc.  So we do the fun stuff.  Not all the time, but when we can.  If it helps you enjoy the trying, exhausting toddler years, do it.  It's as much for you as it is for him.  Of course, sometimes we have to suck it up and do what we don't want, but I think sometimes you do whatever it takes to get through the day.

billiburrows

i know how you feel. my son was like that at age 2 and at age 4 still is a handful... but better...

and, now that we have a baby too we are back in the thick of it of being unable to quickly do shopping, etc.  i feel like i need my husband to get anything done. one of us watches the kids and the other vaccums or focuses on the groc shopping while the other deals with the kids, etc.  i squeeze in things when i can. do the dishes during lunch while the kids are eating. throw a load of laundry in during nap time, etc. but yeah. i can barely get the MINIMUM done (cooking, clean dishes, bath kids, put them to bed, be home for naps, put away toys, prep for the next day) let alone the BIG stuff like laundry, vaccuming, cleaning toilets, showers, grocery shopping, etc.... definitely a 2 person job... on days your hubby is home i suggest he either watch your son while you do some work or vice versa. 

egpitt22

You've received a lot of good advice!  I just wanted to add that Jake was similar to Gabriel, in that shopping with him was not a pleasant experience.  I did it when absolutely necessary (and like others said, if it's a smaller trip...just grabbing a few things not a fill the cart kind of shopping trip, and always armed with tons of snacks)  I never shopped with him for more than just 15 minutes at a time, I'm not even exaggerating.  But now, at 6 (and probably for the past 2 years or so) he's fine.  He stays by the cart, listens, and will endure a longer shopping trip.  So I guess my point is that it's not something permanent, and I don't think it does damage (like you're never going to be able to take him shopping if you don't expose him now)

Liam is my little shopper, he loves to ride along and sit in the cart....so clearly it's just a difference of different kids, nothing that I did differently with the two of them!

csuave

I don't know how parents do it.  You all amaze me!  I am exhausted at the end of the week from work and keeping up with a two person household.  FWIW I find a schedule or list helps me and some days I just try to get at least one thing done. 

egpitt22

Oh, also, I fold laundry at night while I watch TV.  Saves me from having to keep the kids away from it, and it makes the time go by faster if I can zone out in front of the TV while I do it. 

waltsgirl102503

Another suggestion for laundry is to give him his own basket to play with while you're folding.  (If you have more than 1, so you use one for clean clothes and give him another one).  My kids (4 and 8) still love to play with a laundry basket.  I don't know what the fascination is about, but as soon as there is one in the living room, they're in it and pushing each other around in it.   He'll feel like he's doing what you're doing, but will also have his own to play with while you do the real work.