Help-she hates me!

Wils0722

My husband's brother is getting married.  The woman he is marrying hates me. She's hated me since I first met her. She's mean to me, her friends are mean to me. I have invited her to lunch, drinks, dinner, shopping, she either ignores me or makes up some excuse.  My husband didn't believe me at first and now he just says it's her being insecure. My question is, do I tell anyone else in the family? My mother in law? It's been going on for years and I just don't think I can take it anymore. I don't want to ruin their wedding, but I'm really hurt by this and my husband is so close to his family, I just don't want to ruin everything. My own family lives far away and I never see them.  What should I do? 

Disneygeek77

If it was my I would just accept it.  She doesn't like me, not everyone in my life is going to like me.  It happens to everyone, you simply aren't going to be loved by everyone you come in contact with.  Sure it sucks it is your future SIL, but it is what it is.  

When you see her, be polite and civil but don't say anything to anyone.  Doing so will only make you come across like a drama queen.  They don't need to know and I also fail to see how her not liking you would somehow mean you will ruin the wedding ?    

Accept she doesn't like you and shrug it off.  As long as she isn't abusive towards you ( and declining your invitations isn't abusive )

Does you have any examples of how she is mean to you?  I understand that outright ignoring your invitations is rude, but I wouldn't say she hates you because of it.  

TarponMonoxide

No way you can ask this young lady as politely as possible what it is she has against you -- and ask her to be honest; tell her to really let it rip and you won't get mad at her.

I'm serious --- try this approach. Who knows what it is she's pissed at?

Maybe she *heard* something about you (which, of course, is not true) or something else is afoot. Who knows what she's thinking or what's precipitated this?

If that doesn't work, tell her point blank that you do not appreciate her rancor and that she is to treat you civilly.

Why should you walk on eggs around her? Bullshit --- try it and see what happens. GL.

Sillygirl45

I agree with both pp's. Ask her if you can clear the air. If not, oh well. You're going to have to learn to ignore it. 

I wonder why you want to tell MIL and start a big deal about this now...right before their wedding. If this has been going on for years, you can certainly continue to suck it up until after the wedding.

I guess I need more details on how she is "mean" before giving further advice. Not wanting to hang out isn't mean. I'm not sure why that matters or why you would continue to ask her. 

EastCoastBride

Good grief - NO, don't tell the rest of this family.  What's the point of that?

And I agree w/ Disney- you all may be marrying brothers but that doesn't mean you have to be close.  Accept that you won't be.  Be civil and polite and leave it at that.  Focus on the rest of the family- on the people who do like you.  don't give this girl too much power in your life.

GilliC

My mom can't stand one of my aunts. It's not really a big deal. The brothers can still hang out, and their wives just politely ignore each other.

What is she doing that's outright mean?

Leftie22

Sillygirl45 said:

I agree with both pp's. Ask her if you can clear the air. If not, oh well. You're going to have to learn to ignore it. 

I wonder why you want to tell MIL and start a big deal about this now...right before their wedding. If this has been going on for years, you can certainly continue to suck it up until after the wedding.

I guess I need more details on how she is "mean" before giving further advice. Not wanting to hang out isn't mean. I'm not sure why that matters or why you would continue to ask her. 

This. If you can't restrain yourself from saying something, at least wait until after the wedding. It's definitely not going to help the relationship if you start stirring up crap right before she gets married. But I would just accept that you aren't going to hang out and leave it at that. I don't hang out with either of my SILs and never really gave it a moment's thought. You don't have to hang out with or even like everyone in your extended family.